Holden Storie
by dreamandlive
Summary: How did Michael and Claudia meet? How did their story begin, their life together? What life did the army reserve for them?
1. The meeting

_Hi everyone!_

 _So, it's my story about the meeting between Michael and Claudia Joy.  
I hope that you will like.  
Feel free to leave me your opinion.  
Happy reading._

* * *

1988 - Harvard Law School.

Claudia Joy: (It's back to school, I meet Grayce and Aimy, this year we will be graduating in Law, I've been dreaming about becoming a lawyer for a long time, my future is in my hands.)

Aimy: Hey girls hurry up we're going to miss the first lecture.  
GRAYCE: They put us in the bath directly, at least we will not have time to wander around looking at who the handsome boys are this year.  
CJ: Speak for you Grayce, Claudia Joy said with a touch of irony.

The girls returned to the auditorium. There was some place left in the front rows, and as usual, they got as close to their teacher's desk as possible so they could take as many notes as possible. Mr Jenson arrived right on time.

Mr.J: Hello everyone, a little quiet let's put us in the bath directly. This year is decisive for you, not only it is the year of your license but it is also according to the final classification that you will be able to pass the competitions of different bars, or so find an internship in a cabinet which you will allow to have a position thereafter.  
A: Why put the pressure on us directly, she threw in a breath.  
CJ: Shut up Aimy!  
Mr.J: The first quarter will be used to review your achievements and ensure them for the rest of the year. At the end of the term, students from West Point, future soldiers, will come to Harvard to talk about their code of honor, their law, their rules. Indeed, you may in the future have to follow cases that put the Army at the center of the case. Two groups will be formed, like West Point students, for 3 weeks you will always go with the same students, and you will change afterwards. For 1 month and a half then your classes will be punctuated by the Army.

The class was running normally. The discussions went well at their exit, all turned towards his future soldiers who will come to teach them.

A: Soldiers at Harvard, class. Believe me, there will be some nice guys ...  
G: Chances are ... well, huh Claudia!  
CJ: Girls, we are lucky to have future soldiers and therefore future hires as a teacher to teach us. They will be prepared to come to teach us, and we will have the information almost at its source. Nothing better for our exam at the end of the year, it will be necessary to be attentive, and take all possible notes.  
A: Hey relax, I preferred high school Claudia ...  
CH: In high school I allowed myself to do the wall because I could afford it, just like you, otherwise we would not be here, but this year is far too important for your future.

End of the conversation. All the days follow each other and are like each other. The end of the quarter came and the courses given by West Point students with. During the first class, Aimy and Grace spent most of their time disfiguring each student to find out which one was the most cute. Claudia Joy took a quick look, because despite her words, seeing many students with their boyfriends, and being an only child, she would like to have someone to love and be able to love someone. At the moment, since the accident, she saw a lot of things in black. Studies allowed him to hold on and hope to get better. But that night or because she had taken the road too tired, a young man was killed, was still in her, in her head, at the slightest pause, she saw everything again. She could not sleep properly and thought she was a monster. But she had promised herself to enjoy life after graduating, and to build the life she has long dreamed of. However on leaving she was entitled to the debriefing and that brought her back to reality.

A: You saw the blonde, his voice was a fall.  
CJ: None of them caught my eye, I preferred to take notes, she said, pointing to a big pile of leaf in her sorter.  
G: Did you notice all this?  
CJ: I only had her to do, she said sarcastically.  
G: Maybe with the next group you will find the love of your life.  
CJ: But yes, and then get married too and have children ... sincerely a life in the Army? Not even in dreams, it's not me, it's not us.  
A: I admit that on this point of view, you are not wrong, but they are only student, we are student and we have only one life.  
CJ: Do what you want, I go, I have my classes to work. See you tomorrow girls.

The time had come to change the group. The girls entered the other auditorium of the faculty. They settled down to the front rows. The first two being taken by West Point students. Two future soldiers gave the lecture accompanied by their teacher. Then in the late morning, everyone came out. The girls were the last outings, and discussed the course they had found interesting. Claudia was facing the front door outside, farther into the park, when a WP student group came out.

A: For once this conference was interesting.  
CJ: Yes, that's right, I particularly liked the chapter on ...

Claudia Joy paused, long enough to catch the attention of her two friends.

G: Claudia, oh, Claudia ...  
CJ: ... you ... you said? ... excuse me I ...

Aimy waved to Grayce to shut up. They both turned around. They began to laugh. Claudia Joy heard nothing and nobody. One of the students had just left the auditorium, laughing, surely at a joke of one of his classmates. A tall, brown hair, and a blue eyes. This student joined a group of friends and left ... She wanted to run after him, to call him ... But she knew nothing about him. She came back to her and received mockery from her two friends while trying to defend herself. However, the next week was going to help him.

A: Maybe your prince charming will be doing the conference this week.  
CJ: Do you want to stop? I told you that one of the students looked strangely like one of my cousins and by far I was very surprised, I thought and I was sure it was him, she lied.

Aimy pouted at Grayce. When everyone was settled in, the teacher called the two students who would do the conference of the day.

P: Today, the morning will be reserved for the rights of families in the Army. Nothing will have any more secrets for you. These are Terry Andrew Spencer and Michael James Holden, who will explain all this to you.  
A: Hey Claudia ...  
CJ: What else, she began, looking up, you did not ...

The young man had just got up. Claudia did not take her eyes off him. But who was he? Terry Andrew Spencer or Michael James Holden? How to know? Throughout the conference, she watched him, and admired him. In addition he knew how to express himself perfectly in public, he was sure of himself, impeccably dressed. She came back to her however, thinking that a soldier was not made for her. She had dreams, desires ... this life in the Army was not for her. But just minutes later, she lost herself in her beautiful eyes. The fact is that she stood in a semi-darkness on the side and that the auditorium by its size, did not allow this student to see it. Suddenly she realized that her paper was white and that the conference had just finished. She saw the students come out, Grayce taking her by the arm to get her out of her reverie. They arrived at the top of the steps ...

A: Well, at least you know who he is ...  
CJ: Stop you want. Anyway they were two, each one can be the other.  
G: Claudia Joy ... you would not have spent your time admiring it you could have heard that his sidekick nicknamed him "Michael Holden" to allow him to speak.  
CJ: What? But ...  
A: Do not tell me you did not flash on it ...  
CJ: Yes, I like it, but I already told you, he's going to be a soldier, and I do not want a life in the Army.  
G: Claudia Joy we do not ask you to commit yourself to life, just to have fun ... we see that you are not even there since the accident, he could teach you to find a taste for life, and it will help you everyday believe me.  
CJ: Girls, you have to ...  
A: Work to graduate ... remember me the notes you made today? (There was a blank) Well you see during the conference you had ideas elsewhere and I'm sure you felt good no? So imagine if you can have some meetings with him during this week. It's the Christmas holidays after, you'll have plenty of time to work as you want.  
CJ: Anyway he does not know me, me either, I do not see how we could be brought to talk to each other.  
A: Let it be, you'll see, maybe it will zap you completely, at least the problem will be solved.

The three friends walked to the exit. But there were a lot of people so they waited until the hall was empty. When they heard the teacher call someone.

P: Is Michael Holden still here?

Claudia turned when she heard the answer.

M: Yes, here I come, professor.

Advancing Michael fell into Claudia Joy's eyes. He smiled at her with courtesy, which Claudia believed, then went off to the professor. The girls were starting to advance, but Claudia engaged in a conversation, just to have the chance to re-cross it before leaving. She knew he was leaving Harvard in a week and a half because WP students would have finished their lectures. The hall emptied quietly and the girls were forced out. Claudia Joy ignored, however, that Michael, who had just finished his conversation with the professor, did not take his eyes off her. Who was she? What was her name? ... he had to know it. Michael James Holden was someone who persevered, he always got what he wanted, and he was mostly very instinctive. He decided for once to go to lunch in the refectory of the faculty. He hoped to see again his perfect stranger. However these acolytes trailed the pace, and meeting their headmaster of WP establishment, a conversation began. Duty brought Michael back to his senses and he forgot about this girl. So they went out of college to have lunch outside. They arrived at the gate and saw a little before him, a student card dropped from a bag of a girl. Knowing no one here, and the person being behind, he could not know who she was. After a few meters, he picked it up when he saw the person heading for the parking lot on the other side of the street, while wanting to call him.

M: Miss ...

He stopped when he saw the person's face on the picture of the card. It was a student, Claudia Joy Mead. Looking up, he could not find her among the crowd and impossible to know the car she had. He kept the card in his pocket, hoping to hand it back to him. The next day, the latter noticed it during the conference, he had the impression that she wrote word for word everything that was said, he found this beautiful young woman and wanted to know more about her. He could not see her to give him back his student card, and so hoped that Wednesday would be more conducive. He had to present a lecture with a friend. During his breaks, while his friend relayed him, he looked at her hoping that she crosses his eyes. Claudia Joy, feeling watched, looked up, which fell directly into those of Michael. She smiled shyly, and Michael did the same. He was touched, however, by the sadness of Claudia Joy's gaze. But these exchanges of glances had become a habit between them now.


	2. The first date

Claudia waited impatiently for the afternoons to get into her bubble, just watching him for three hours, just like Michael. Still, Michael never managed to talk to him because she was either leaving or going to class. On Friday, however, while Claudia was quietly leaving the amphitheater, she knew she was on a weekend and was discussing the "outing" plans, planned with these two friends when she heard a voice ...

M: Claudia Joy Mead?

She turned around, and saw Michael sneak in between the students to join her. Ayme and Grayce could not believe what had happened. So they gave Claudia their appointment for the next evening and left, against the advice of Claudia who begged them until the last second to stay. But Michael was already in front of her. She pretended not to be impressed and did not let herself be dismantled.

C: It's me, yes, but ... how do you know me?  
M: Nothing very extraordinary, he replied, handing him his student card.  
C: My card! I thought I had lost it or that it had been stolen because impossible to find it.  
M: I tried to give it back to you this week but I did not manage to see you outside the lectures. Today we had no appointment after the conference so I enjoy it.  
C: That's very kind of you, thank you very much.  
M: I already know your name, Claudia Joy ... he paused smiling at him ... I'm Michael James Holden.  
C: Having followed well during these two weeks, I knew yours too.  
M: If you have nothing planned, would you agree to come for a coffee?  
C: Uh ... why not ... "she answered, troubled.  
M: Let's get out of college, I discovered a bar with my friends, quiet, compared to the college cafeteria.  
C: All right, in that case, I follow you.

Michael and Claudia Joy both left, under the eyes of Claudia's friends who finally watched the scene from a distance, without telling Claudia. They quickly found themselves face to face in the bar.

M: Then tell me why are you so assiduous in class?  
C: Oh, I've always been. My friends say that I do not have enough fun. In fact, I validated most of my units of value during the 2 years that have already passed, unlike her. I will only have the final oral test to pass.  
M: You impress me. You are passionate about the law ...  
C: My father is a renowned judge, the right was a mandatory passage for me, being an only girl on top of that. I ask myself questions, I like the right, it's so interesting, passionate, I do not think but it's the way I chose and I do not see what else I could have done . I admit that it is sometimes hard, there I look forward to being in ten days for the holidays. And you, the army?  
M: That's right. I graduated last June, and I commit myself completely in two weeks. Let's say we finish next week here I think and then on Monday there is the meal with all the important people from home and from home, and we go back to WP in the evening, before knowing everyone on the basis where we will be to begin our career, after the end of the year holidays. You will be on vacation the same evening also if I'm not mistaken?  
C: That's right. I do not really like the army, actually ... even if I do not know what it's all about.  
M: It is a path that we choose for passion, not that we are imposed.

Claudia answered with a smile. She saw time running by at a crazy speed. She thought that this meeting will end soon, on the contrary ...

M: Let's go back to the conference this afternoon. I can ask you why there was so much exchange of glances between us all this week?  
C: Oh well ... Claudia felt herself blush ... I love how you speak, it's clear, crisp and precise. And then, sorry if it bothers you but ... I confess that I have never seen anyone with eyes as blue ... and beautiful ...  
M: Michael laughed kindly, but also allowed him to make a compliment ... I confess in this case that I have never seen someone so incredibly beautiful when she is just taking notes in the course of law ...

Claudia Joy looked up, their eyes locked. He only knew each other for four days, but already something settled between them. They spent almost three hours talking about their families, their friends, their lives, their dreams ... so much so that there was no more secret between them, apart from this accident, which Claudia had not wanted to talk to him. They parted without really wanting it. Michael, however, gave him an appointment for the next night, at the park opposite, he said. Claudia hid that it was the most beautiful park in the city. They parted and returned each on their own. Claudia, however, had forgotten the appointment with Ayme and Grayce. She then invented a story of illness and fever in order to find the young man she had already been attached to. On Saturday night, she hurried to the park.


	3. The first kiss

She saw him sitting on a bench ... she approached quickly.

C: Good evening ...  
M: Claudia Joy, you are beautiful tonight ...  
C: Thank you. I ... have you been waiting for a long time? I apologize for the delay I ...  
M: Barely five minutes, he cut it. I think we could talk to each other?  
C: You're right, it's more convenient, she replied without mentioning that she had been waiting since the day before. We could walk a little, there is a pretty hill at the end of the park.  
M: Very good. Claudia Joy, I do not want you to feel uncomfortable but after our long conversation yesterday, I would like to ask you the question.  
C: Which one?  
M: Your look, it is filled with sadness and an uneasiness that I can't explain ...

Claudia paused. It was dark, the sky was very starred, and the moon illuminated the whole park, in addition to some street lights arranged here and there. Michael saw his eyes fog up.

M: Claudia I'm sorry, I did not want to hurt you.  
C: No no, it's just that ... it's painful.  
M: So let's change the conversation, I do not want to make you suffer.  
C: I have to talk to you anyway.  
M: Then take your time, Michael said, taking Claudia's hand in his.

Claudia felt Michael's hand shut on hers. He squeezed it as if to tell him he was there, his heart racing in his chest, the first time she felt it all. She was frightened by this flood of feelings that overwhelmed her, but she was also confident, as if she could tell him anything. A few tears escaped from her hazel eyes, she took a deep breath and spoke.

C: It was last year, first quarter. I was in the second year. As I told you, I work a lot and have validated a lot of values.

She was waiting for a response from Michael, but she knew he would let her go, no matter what.

C: I was in the library when I saw that it was three o'clock in the morning. The next day was a Friday and we did not have classes in the morning, so I could sleep so I took the opportunity to work late. My best friend had an empty bed in her room at the university but given the time, I did not want to wake her up. My parents had to come back from vacation the next day, so I was not going to wake them on my way home. I took my car ...

The memory became too painful for Claudia, tears rolling one after the other on her cheeks. Michael felt his heart twisted, he had only one desire, to console her. They arrived at the little hill, and sat in the grass where they had a magnificent view of the city. Claudia Joy spoke again at this moment.

C: Leaving the campus, I had to close my eyes barely a second, I heard a noise. I had just overthrown a college student, he died instantly. Since that day, I have pain, I can not overcome it. Fortunately I was able to pass in the 3rd year of what I could validate because I'm not going to class in the second term. I just caught up with my classes this summer not to be late for school and ... you know everything, I'm a ...  
M: Wonderful person to whom he has unfortunately arrived something horrible and painful to overcome.  
C: Listen I would understand perfectly that we stop there because for you I imagine that ...  
M: What happened could have happened to anyone, it does not show who the person really is. Claudia, I'll be honest with you, I fell under your spell, the day our eyes met. And my heart stops for a second whenever I can admire you. This story that you lived belongs to your past but it does not detract from what I feel for you.

While Michael had put his hand on Claudia's cheek, she could not answer. Tears beaded in the corner of his eyes, which touched Michael deep within him. He took her in his arms, against him, and squeezed her gently. Claudia, who had for too long contained this pain in her, began to cry. This well-being that enveloped her soon, she had never felt. She wanted this moment to last forever. That's when Michael spoke up.

M: Know that I will always be here now.  
C: Thank you, she replied, getting up and looking into his eyes. Know that for my part, I fell in love, the day I saw you for the first time in the amphitheater. I feel so good with you, and this is the first time I feel that way.  
M: So let's keep it going, Michael told him, wiping his tears from his thumb. He smiled at her and tenderly put his lips against his before taking her in his arms.

They stayed a good part of the evening like this. Michael deliberately wanted to help Claudia get better, to find a taste for life, with this crazy desire to look after her and to be able to protect her. But the night was well advanced and it was necessary to return. Michael escorted Claudia to his car or he kissed her one last time, wishing her a good night. They gave themselves an appointment Monday after the conference. Sunday seemed extremely long to both of them, as if something was missing from their day, someone inevitably missed them. How was it possible to already be so attached to a person? How was it possible that in just one look, a person changes a life, and his future?


	4. The taste of life

Claudia found her friends on Monday morning.

Gr: Hi girls! So Claudia, your weekend? It's better, apparently!  
C: Yes, I think I had to catch cold or something like that, it did not last, Sunday morning was already better.  
A: That's good. Hey, in two weeks we are on vacation girls. His motive is not it?  
Gr: You surprise me, huh Claudia?  
C: From ...? Excuse me, I was thinking of the classes we have this morning.  
A: You're weird this morning, are you sure you're out of fever?  
C: Certainly, let's hurry up, the class will begin.

Grayce and Ayme watched as their friend hurried, and found her changed, as if she had clicked. They caught up with her and spun in class all three. However, during the morning classes they saw Claudia completely elsewhere, she took practically no notes, often looked outside, and picked up the miss notes on the sheets of her friends. It did not look like him. When noon rang, Claudia pretended that she had forgotten her file on the army conferences and that she had to go back to her to get out of college and not go out for dinner with her friends. She just wanted to go blow, check her phone, see if Michael had not sent messages, and not being hungry, she settled on a bench in the park of the college and nibbled some cookies . When will Michael arrive? Grayce and Ayme arrived shortly before the conference began.

A: Ah, there you are! We looked for you everywhere.  
Gr: That's right, we even said you would not come this afternoon. Claudia Joy are you sure you're fine?  
A: This morning, you hardly took any notes, you were not with us. Something is bothering you? You can talk to us, you know.  
C: I'm telling you that everything is fine, so everything is fine. Go we'll be late.

The girls went to the conference. From the beginning of the class, Claudia took her phone to send a message to Michael. "We meet at the park? I love you. Claudia Joy. Michael, who was sitting in the front row as he was not doing the class today, took out his phone and read Claudia's message before answering him. "There are no worries, I'll wait for you at the park entrance. I love you too, I miss you. Michael ". When Claudia received this message, her heart leapt into her chest, and she immediately looked in the direction of Michael who smiled at him. The conference ended and Claudia pretended she had to work so she could leave without her friends. She went to the main entrance / exit where she saw Michael waiting for him. She approached him with a smile that Michael answered as soon as he saw her. He took her in his arms and hugged her.

M: His going?  
C: Always when I'm with you.

They kissed tenderly before leaving hand in hand to spend the rest of the day together. Every day of the week, they expected early in the afternoon and met at the park after the lectures. Every moment spent together reinforced their feelings, and they hoped never to leave each other. They did not look to the future simply every moment that these days allowed them to live together. Time passed quickly and the last day of the conferences arrived. Michael had left for WP after dinner, since WP was about a 3h30 drive from Harvard University. That day there was no conference, classes were resumed in a normal way until the next day, Christmas holidays. But in the early afternoon, Claudia Joy received a text message from Michael. "My departure was advanced, we leave at 17h, the weather looks bad for the early evening, so we have to leave before. Will you be able to come to the start? ". Claudia could not believe it. Stress invaded her when she had to answer him. "Already? I finish at 17h the courses, where will your departure? ". Michael was not answering her, and it made her feel more and more stressed. When at 15h she had to change classrooms, she came face to face with him in the hallway. She remembered that nobody knew about them, so you had to be discreet.

C: Why did not you answer my text message?  
M: I wanted to see you one last time before leaving, I saw that you finished at 18h on the schedules in the hall.  
C: No, there has been a change with the other group, I finish at 4 pm, exceptionally today.  
M: That's right? Do you join me in the park at 4 pm?  
C: Of course, but you do not have to pack your bag where else?  
M: We had to do it last night, they are already in the bus, our respective principals are currently talking in the office for official farewells.  
C: I ... I have to go, said Claudia reluctantly when she heard the bell. Right away.

Michael winked at him and disappeared into the student stream. Claudia only thought of Michael during the class. So it was the first time she went out first when the class was over. She joins him at the park where there was nobody. And if they had to leave before? The heart of Claudia Joy was no longer held, she was on the verge of tears when she saw him finally arrived.

C: I thought you were gone already!  
M: I'll send you a message in this case. Do not worry, I'm here, he said, taking her in his arms. I just learned something.  
What is it ? She asked, frightened.  
M: The headmaster of WP has decided to advance our dates of engagement in the army. You know that since I graduated, I go out Lieutenant directly. I am an officer, and my job is to command a brigade platoon in one of the divisions of the US Army. I will know my first assignment tomorrow morning. And in a week, after Christmas, on the 27th, I'm leaving directly.

Michael lives in Claudia's eyes, fear, sadness, incomprehension. He took her in his arms or Claudia burst into tears. They stayed for long minutes, before Michael realized the clock was ticking and he had to get to the meeting and departure point.

M: I'll have to go Claudia.  
C: Why? Why is it finished like this?  
M: Who said it was finished? He stays this week before Christmas, I propose you to join me at WP. I do not leave in my family until Saturday in the day for Christmas. I guess you probably have something planned with your own family too. But that would allow us to spend three or four days together.  
C: Michael, my life is not the army, I have other projects, other ambitions.  
M: Claudia, I join the army, that does not mean that we remain barricaded in a base. Soldiers' friends have the right to work, to study. Who knows, maybe where I'm going to be, there'll be a law school and you could finish your license there?  
C: It's impossible. And my parents? My friends ? I wanted to pass the law competition in New York, it is the best contest of the United States.  
M: I'm not asking for an answer right away. But that deserves reflection. Every time I look at you, my heart stops beating for a second. I care about you Claudia, and I love you.  
C: Oh if you knew me too how I love you Michael but ...  
M: Is that enough to keep going both? Our relationship will probably not last forever because we are young but we are both good.

Michael heard a voice calling him. "HOLDEN! "

M: It's time. Know that you are the most beautiful thing that has happened to me so far. I love you with all my heart.  
C: I will miss you so much.

They stared into each other's eyes before kissing each other tenderly and hugging each other for the last time. Claudia let go of Michael and hurried a few minutes after him so that he could see him leave, even from afar. She approached the bus, in tears, and stood on the other side of the road so no one could see her. The windows were tinted, she could not see where Michael was, but she imagined him looking at her. To see him go broke his heart. Once the bus was gold from her field of vision, she received a text message from Michael. " Never forget that I love you ". She could not answer it right away. She went home, locked herself in her room and thought about the last two weeks. Michael had helped him to regain a taste for life. She had almost forgotten this accident that had plunged into a semi-depression last year. Then she thought back to Michael's words. And if she followed him? If she joined him? But a life in the army is not what she wants, it is not what she must dream for her future life. So, his dream? Or his love?


	5. Her dream or her love ?

That night that followed was probably the longest night of his life. She rehashed everything she had been able to live, saw everything in flash. So much so that she had forgotten to put her alarm clock in the evening. She did not wake up and when around eleven o'clock in the morning she emerged, she decided she would not go to class in the afternoon. She sent a message to Grayce. "Pane to wake up this morning. Sorry girls we will not be spending the last day before the holidays. Have a good holiday, and at the beginning. XOXO. She thought only of Michael. Besides, he had to know where he was sent to begin his career in the army. Why did not she always have a message? She went to eat a piece in the kitchen where she met her mother, Charlotte.

Ch: Hello honey. You do not have classes today?  
C: No, well, that is to say there was to be a conference this morning I think but I already have classes and I did not feel very well, she lied.  
Ch: Do not you have a fever, at least I hope?  
C: No I do not think so. I'm going to work in my room, see you later.  
Ch: Claudia Joy, you're on holiday sweetheart, rest a little before you already work ...

Claudia had already gone back to her room. And if Michael had decided to forget it? Never to contact her again? Claudia did not know what to do. She did not want to call her, she knew that when she heard her voice she would start crying. She did not even have her e-mail address. A good excuse to send him a message. "A little message to tell you that I think about you all the time. I miss you so much. I also wanted to ask you your email address, it can be nice to be able to exchange by email and Skype to see even four hours away from each other. I love you so much. Claudia Joy. She had no answer before lunch. She went down to join her parents for the meal, who found her tired. They pretended all the work she had and the harm she was doing to succeed. Still on vacation, she decided to take care of and think of something else than studying and that Michael, at least try. She went to turn off one of the machines that her mother had just done. Moments later, her mother joins her.

C: Mom, I know how to spread a machine, no need to come help me.  
Ch: I did not have the attention honey, but a friend came knocking on the door, he wanted to see you but he told me not to disturb you and he would wait for you in the neighborhood park when you're done.  
C: A friend? Who's waiting for me at the park? How was he?  
Ch: Pretty tall, brown hair, blue eyes, I can not tell you much else.  
C: I know some boys of my promotion but it's weird, I do not really sympathize with them this year. Did he tell you what his name was?  
Ch: Oh yes, he said Michael Holden.

Claudia thought she had a heart attack when her mother pronounced that name. But she pretends not to show anything.

C: Ah Michael. Yes, I met him at conferences. He had to leave today, he must probably come and give me the class this morning and say goodbye.  
Ch: I thought you already had this class.  
C: Yes but he did not know it.  
Ch: In this case, it's nice of him. At least you will have what has been said more this morning.  
C: Exactly.  
Ch: I'll finish expanding, go join him, you need to go out breathe a little.  
C: If you say so. See you later.

Claudia could not believe it. He had made another round trip just for her. She changed, put on her makeup, and went to the park. When she saw him looking at her with a smile, she could not believe it, and she threw herself into his arms. After a long kiss, Claudia spoke.

C: But what are you doing here?  
M: I wanted to see you, simply. And discuss with you various things to know in what state of mind I must find myself. But I missed you too much, he confessed, looking straight at her.  
C: It's awful as I missed you too. By the way, did you get my message?  
M: Yes, well, he said, giving him a piece of paper with his email address and Skype. And to answer your question, I'm not sent as far as I could have thought since I'm staying in the state of NY at Jefferson, Fort Drum.  
C: It's a great news, I'm happy for you.  
M: Which means, that we will be able to see each other every week-end normally, either I will come, or you will come. You can even register as an intern at the university, and at the weekend you come back to Fort Drum.  
C: Michael, I have not thought about that yet. You ask me to sacrifice my life, my dreams to come join you, live with you. I would follow you without thinking if your life was not the army. This is a life not common, not to mention your future missions. Your departure last night completely broke my heart, I do not even know how I managed to go back to my parents. So imagine I live every year or every two years knowing that missions can last up to two years, I do not know if I will have the strength. Especially since there is always a risk that you never come back. And on the other hand, it's so hard to be away from you, that I only want one thing, to be in your arms, to be with you.  
M: Come with me to West Point until Saturday. We release dormitories Friday night. We will go to the hotel and the next day you will be able to come home for Christmas. It does not commit you to anything except to spend time together and to be nothing but both.

It was impossible for Claudia to refuse this stay with the one who had managed to give him a smile and believe in life. But how to explain it to his parents?

C: Okay, we'll leave with my car so I could come back Saturday quietly. But we'll have to explain it to my mother.  
M: Tell him the truth. Because if something happens, she will not know exactly where you are.  
C: You're right. Come with me at home, I'll introduce you to her and as she will know who you are to begin with.  
M: With pleasure, come on, it'll be okay, do not worry.

They went back to Claudia where she introduced him to Michael.

C: Mom, this is Michael. I invited him to have a drink before leaving.  
Ch: Nice to meet you young man. I did not know you were at Harvard with Claudia Joy.  
M: Actually, I'm a graduate student from West Point. I spent almost two months at Harvard because we were coming to lecture on the American Army.  
Oh, that's right, Claudia told me about it. She loved it because she told me that she really learned a lot. In any case, he liked it.  
M: I thought I understood as well.  
Ch: Will you put out the young, you will be better in the shade of the trees to drink something.  
C: Very good idea mom.

They then went to the garden room. Claudia came back for the drink.

C: Mom, I need to talk to you.  
Ch: I understood go, do not worry.  
C: You do not even know what I was going to ask you! And understood what first?  
Ch: Are you together? Or you will be seen as it devours you eyes.

Claudia sighed.

C: It's not possible, you're amazing, always when I bring a boy home you see us together. But listen for once you're right, we're together. His is a problem?  
Ch: Claudia is a soldier. Lieutenant more, he already has responsibilities. Are not you going to go with a soldier?  
C: The question is not there, no matter what your job is ...  
Ch: I do not believe no, a soldier is always by mountains and is worth, they change base very often, go on mission regularly, this is the life you want? Abandon your studies of rights and your project to become a lawyer for a life in the army or you will spend it waiting for it constantly? Not to mention that he may someday not ...  
C: Enough! I have heard enough! I never told you about giving up my studies. He'll be at Jefferson, I'll be able to see him on the weekends. When I graduated, nothing will stop me from passing the lawyers' competition where he will be transferred to ...

Claudia paused ... she had just repeated word for word what Michael had suggested to her. And if it was a sign? She was not going to get excited and think again.

C: Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about. Michael offers me to spend a few days with him before the holidays. I'll be back on Saturday, so I'll be there to help you prepare everything when the family arrives.  
Ch: It is out of the question honey! I do not even know him, and knowing you do not know where with a stranger, I'll be worried every day.  
C: Mom! Anyway I am of age, I am free to do what I want.  
Ch: I remind you all the same, that it is me and your father who pay your petrol again ... that being so, I forbid you to go.  
C: I'll see her with dad tonight in this case!

Claudia left to join Michael outside by slamming the door of the kitchen. The discussions with his mother always ended in the same way, in arguments. She spent the afternoon with Michael. His mother being aware of their relationship, they no longer had to hide, but preferred to remain discreet despite everything. That day Randall, Claudia Joy's father returned earlier than expected. Charlotte informed her of her daughter's plans in order to hope to find support in her husband and to see her daughter stay here. Unfortunately, the opposite happened.

A: Charlotte, she can still spend a few days with her boyfriend, knowing that she does not even know when she will see him again. And who knows, it probably will not last forever ... let her live a little life.  
Ch: Anyway you always contradicted me and you always give it everything. So go tell him the good news because what I say seeing she will agree, she will leave.

Randall joined his daughter in the garden.

C: Dad! You are already there ?  
A: Yes my daughter, I came back earlier, apparently I did well.  
C: Dad, this is Michael.  
A: Your mother informed me. Hello Michael.

Randall spent a long time arguing with him to find out in whose hands he was leaving his daughter. He finished with good news.

A: By the way, Claudia, I talked to your mother, you can leave a few days if you wish. You are on vacation after all. Enjoy.  
C: Oh thanks daddy! she replied, jumping on his neck.  
R: You're welcome. I leave you, I have to work on a file.

Once Randall moved away, Michael and Claudia jumped in their arms.

C: It's great! I am so happy.  
M: Not as much as me.  
C: I love you, Michael James Holden.

They kissed and it was time for Michael to return to the hotel where he had planned to sleep that night. This gave Claudia time to prepare her things for those few days. She did not suspect that the family dinner would end in a verbal battle with her parents.

Ch: How did you meet?

Claudia looked at her mother with an accusing look ...

C: He's a West Point graduate. He came to Harvard with a group of students. They came to present the army, telling us about their administration, how they worked. Of course we had specific themes, they stayed about six weeks.  
Ch: Have you been together for six weeks, and are you announcing it only now?  
C: Of course not. It's been two weeks.  
R: How did you come to attend?  
C: I had lost my student card, he found it and he called me to give it back, and then we went for coffee. Little by little we got closer, then loved.  
A: I thought back to our conversation when you heard that your cousin was marrying a soldier. To know that he was one, it made me smile.  
C: I said the same thing to girls. That the army was not my life, that I could never fall in love with a soldier but ... Michael gave me back the taste of dad life.  
R: He seems to be a good person.  
C: And even more. He is caring, he always has the word to laugh even in the worst situations, he is gentle in his way of speaking and acting with others, he is sincere and makes me feel safe and loved. I love his laugh, his eyes, be with him simply.

Randall understood in the eyes of his daughter that it was more than a love of youth. He was afraid of the future his daughter was taking with a soldier.

A: Does not the situation accentuate what you feel?  
Ch: Of course yes Randall, the situation pushed him into the arms of this man.  
C: The situation? Mom, I've been crushing black for a year. I clung to my studies but I reached a point of no return, I wanted to drop everything, go away, cut me off from everything that reminds me of that horrible night where my life has also rocked I remind you. Do you want to see me unhappy for a long time?  
Ch: I did not say his but admits that because of this increased sensitivity I will find it normal that a boy can attract you to him and ...  
C: Stop! I'm not stupid at this point! He was the first person to tell me that this accident did not mean the person we have, just like everyone else, we make irreparable mistakes that can happen to anyone, but that this does not happen. did not take away what we were, and what others think of us. When I told him about the accident, he ...  
R: Did you talk to him about it? Why dear ?  
C: I needed to do it. He put me in trust, and I figured that if we were to continue what we started, he needed to know. I did not want to lie to him. And somewhere, it made me feel good to talk to him about it. He told me that this passade did not in any way show who I really was, but on the contrary I was a wonderful person and he would be there for me to help me overcome his.  
Ch: What he wants is only to play with you!  
C: Shut up! What did you do for me? Tell me ! Nothing ! You did not even bother to ask me once where I was with this horrible memory, how I was going about it, whether I needed support or if possibly my mother's love could help overcome all that! Of course not, I wonder how you can say that I am your daughter, while you don't love me!  
Ch: Claudia Joy, of course if I love you! How can you think this honey?  
C: Because you are always against me, my thoughts, my words. Even if Dad does not adhere to what I aspire at the moment he at least respects my life and my privacy. And he at least was there for me when I needed it and I know he loves me!

Claudia threw her cutlery on the table, with tears in her eyes, and went up to her room. She hurried to phone Michael, she needed to hear her voice, she would even need to be in his arms. Even before Michael picked up, she hung up, took her suitcase, her car keys, and got out, ready to leave.

Ch: Claudia, where are you going?  
C: What can it do to you? You do not care anyway.  
R: Claudia, wait.

Her father arrived and took her by the shoulders.

R: Your mother is worried about you. Know it. This situation anguish, she never told you but the night of the accident, she thought you were dead, because it's me who dropped out and she thought the worst. I had never seen her in that state with that night, she was crying, with all her being she was crying. You are the most beautiful thing that has happened to your mother and me in our life. We could not have other children, and so we gave all our affection and love to the only child who was our sun in our life, and who still has it. You honey.  
C: So why is she like her with me? Claudia asked her father in tears.  
R: She's scared. Afraid to see you go, to live your life. Because when it does, she will be home alone and will not see her sweatheart little girl every day. Claudia, honey, she loves you more than anything in the world but the role of a mother is also to worry about her children, and she can only show that this facet does not dare to show else because you reject it little by little and what you told him tonight really affected it.  
C: Dad, I can not go against what I feel. I love Michael with all my heart, I miss him right now while I spent the afternoon with him, I just want to be with him.  
R: You are in love, honey. And you wanted to go join him that's it?

Claudia nodded. Her father took her in his arms.

R: Promise me to pay attention. You call me when you have arrived, and above all, whatever your decision, do not hide it from us, and I promise you that your mother will make efforts.  
C: It's promised daddy. See you Saturday !  
R: See you Saturday honey.

Claudia came out of the house and headed for her car. For his part, Michael had seen Claudia's call. He had tried to call it dozens of times in the space of five minutes. Having no answer, he became frightened. What if something had happened to him? He did not dither any longer and called a taxi who dropped him off at the bus stop closest to Claudia's house. He will run to her house when he sees her go out.

M: Claudia!  
C: Michael?  
M: I was so scared, he confessed, immediately taking her in his arms. What happened, why did you want to call me?  
C: I quarreled with my mother, I called you to find out if I could join you, but I did not wait for you to answer, I wanted to leave directly. But my father wanted to talk to me with me.  
M: You'll tell me all that at the hotel, come, he said, putting his suitcase in his car, and taking the keys from his hands. I will drive, it is more careful.

Behind the window, Claudia's father had watched the scene. He does not say anything to Charlotte, but according to him, Claudia will leave with Michael after the end of the year. The scene he had just seen had comforted him. Michael loved his daughter, it showed, they were already so close and so accomplice when they knew each other only recently. It did not reassure him, however, that his daughter might be living with a soldier, but he had to face the facts. His daughter was attached to this man, only life could separate them. When Claudia arrived in Michael's hotel room, she explained what had happened in detail. Michael understood Claudia's parents. They did not know him after all. However, he does not say anything to Claudia so as not to accentuate the anger she felt towards her mother. They went to bed quickly and Claudia fell asleep in Michael's reassuring arms. It was the first night they spent together. But everything seemed normal to them, they were so good both. The next day they left immediately for West Point where Michael was staying and studying. Contrary to what Claudia believed, Michael was staying at the West Point base in a young graduate building before they were sent to their first base. They packed their bags and Michael made Claudia visit quickly. After lunch, he also wanted to show him the West Point base, so that he could see exactly what the army premises were. They left, hands in hand. Claudia did not suspect that a base of the US Army was so big. So that by mid-afternoon they had visited only the neighborhood of the houses of the base. Michael showed him what kind of little house they would have if she decided to come live with him. He showed her the stores, then the places where the soldiers were training, finishing at the headquarters, where the offices were. As they were leaving, Michael was stopped by a superior. He asked Claudia to wait for him and went to see the Colonel who was calling him.

M: Sir!  
Co: Hello Holden. I just had the circular, some graduates of which you, are brought to move in your respective bases from tomorrow. Your training will not start until after the holidays, but the graduates' district must be partially released to welcome the volunteers of one of the charities set up by the Family Support Group.  
M: Does that mean we can not come back here sir?  
Co: That's right Holden.  
M: Thank you sir.  
Co: Break!

Michael joined Claudia with a dubious air.

C: Did something happen?  
M: I have to leave the graduate building tomorrow. I am expected at the base of Fort Drum to move in.  
What is it ? And our stay? It's not fair, Claudia answered with tears in her eyes.  
M: Hey wait, that does not mean that you have to leave. We go together, just leave the three or four boxes that I have in the house, go to sign various papers and that's it. We will take the opportunity to go for a walk in Jefferson.  
C: Can I come with you then?  
M: You're even obliged, he replied, getting a smile from Claudia. On the other hand does it bother you if you take your car? Because suddenly I took the train to come here or to leave.  
C: No, and then I'll have to go home on Saturday. And then the main thing is that we both are not?  
M: Absolutely.

Michael took Claudia in his arms and hugged her. God that he loved her, from the depths of her being. He hoped that she would come with him to Fort Drum. The next morning, they headed to Jefferson, Fort Drum where Michael was expected. They went directly to the headquarters where Lieutenant General Ronald Mills was waiting for him. He asked Claudia to wait in the car.

Ro: Holden! How are you ?  
M: Good sir.  
Ro: I see you're accompanied? It was not indicated on your transfer sheet.  
M: It's normal Sir, it's only a few weeks old, he replied looking at Claudia who was waiting.  
Ro: Sa does not pose any problem, it will just be necessary to have a Miliary Identity Card, or at least a Visitor Card to enter and leave the base.  
M: We'll make sure that's done.  
Ro: Here's your location, House 2048. Sign here, so we know you're there, the inspector is waiting for you in front of the house with the keys, and all the other papers. Normally you had documents to bring?  
M: Yes, I have been informed, everything is in order for that.  
Ro: Perfect! Good installation.  
M: Thank you sir.  
Ro: Break!

Michael joins Claudia Joy and they go back to the entrance of the base where was the big plan of the latter. He showed Claudia where the house was, and how the base was laid out. They went there quickly. It was a small house, with only one room, a small living room, but with all possible comfort. The state of entry was quickly realized. Michael signed the papers and handed him the keys. In order to visit a bit, because the base was as unknown to Michael Claudia, they took the path of common areas including an Amphitheater, shops, a bar / restaurant, and more. They went to lunch to return to the Officers' Quarters and unload Michael's cards in the house. The house was totally empty, without furniture. Michael was going to make a request to the service of the housing of the army in order to benefit from all necessary. The whole thing having arrived the next afternoon, they decided for that night, to sleep in a hotel ready. They took the opportunity to walk in the city and discover a little around the base. They returned the next afternoon to receive the few pieces of furniture. After the house was converted, Michael found Claudia on the small terrace.

M: Something wrong?  
C: Ah, so very well, do not worry. I observed the surroundings. It's very big here. It's very pretty anyway for a military base.  
M: Would you see yourself living here?  
C: Maybe, I do not know. But I admit that it makes me think.  
M: Take your time. The holidays are not over, and then we will not leave until tomorrow, we will enjoy our last evening.  
C: Already ... time goes too fast.  
M: Hey, are you okay? We will be called, there are the sms and then the mails, now that you have my address.  
C: That's right, I forgot.  
M: Are we out for dinner?  
C: Can not we go shopping and stay here tonight?  
M: If you feel like it, there is no problem.  
C: I want to enjoy every moment with you.  
M: So we stay there, Michael said, taking her in his arms.

So they spent their last night on the base of Fort Drum. The next day was the day of departure. Everyone had to return to their respective families for the end of year celebrations. To this day, Claudia and Michael knew when they would see each other again. Michael escorted Claudia home, where according to the cars present, some members of her family had already arrived. Claudia thought it was too early to introduce them to Michael, so they went for a walk to the park so they could say goodbye before Michael took the bus to the train station. These goodbyes were hard for Claudia. She thought that should be like that every time that Michael should leave, she would not support it long enough. Claudia let go of Michael regretfully. She returned home, her eyes red with tears, and immediately went back to her room, without going to see the people present at her house. Among them, there was one of her cousins with whom Claudia was very close, for lack of having a brother or sister. The latter, Sandy, was married to a soldier currently on a mission. The latter knowing her cousin by heart, decided to join her to find out what was wrong. She found her in tears, and wondered what was going on.

S: Hey then cousin, what's going on?  
C: Nothing, nothing, it's okay, do not worry, she said, drying her tears. How are you ?

The two cousins started the conversation and forgot why Claudia was crying. The next day, Christmas Eve, everybody was busy preparing the meal and the party. Claudia forgot about Michael a little, and found a smile thanks to her cousin, who had missed her anyway. On December 25th, all his family arrived, the reunion was warm, the gifts came flooding, everything was there to spend a wonderful Christmas with the family. In Michael's family, no one knew he had a girlfriend, and having so many people coming for the holidays, he preferred not to tell anyone. The day went perfectly well until Claudia's cousin returned to what had happened two days earlier. When they were in Claudia's room, Sandy started the conversation.

S: By the way, when I arrived on Saturday, you were crying. What was wrong?  
C: I had just dropped off my boyfriend at the bus stop, and I do not know when I'll see him again.  
S: Do you have someone? Ah, but it's great! That's what you needed after your long bad luck. Someone who gives you back the taste of life.  
C: And he did it believe me. He's great, I love him so much, and he misses me so much. But ...  
S: Because there is a May?  
C: He is a soldier. He is a West Point graduate and was sent to Fort Drum. For my part I resume classes in two weeks at Harvard. What relationship are we going to have?  
S: And you thought of going to live with him?  
C: Everyone only talks to me about it. He in particular, my mother who is afraid, and my father who is not very reassured either.  
S: Sa can understand but it's your life Claudia, not theirs.

What his cousin had just told him tilted in his head.

C: I know but what life will I have on a military base?  
S: You know, we're not trapped like in a jar. We have a social life on a base. There are different associations, groups, you can at your leisure help each other, get involved in something. Especially since your friend has come out as a Second Lieutenant directly, he has an already high rank in the army. Believe me it's a good life too the army.  
C: What I'm afraid of is when he has to go on a mission. Already having to say goodbye to him when we were supposed to meet again three days later, was horrible. I felt my heart explode in my chest, as if he were leaving me forever. And just knowing that ... he may never come back from a mission, I do not ...  
S: No, but do not think about that already. You know, they are very trained. And it depends on the missions, but the more they are graded, the less they are exposed too. After sure it's a habit. Absence even when you have a "normal" life is hard when the person you love is on the other side of the world. Especially when that person is a soldier. But the joy is even greater when the person comes back.  
C: On one side I want to go with him, on the other, I'm afraid.  
S: That's normal, but the way you talk about it, I also have the impression that because of what happened to you, you hung up on the only thing, in this case, nobody , with whom you did not think. You only see him and you think that without him you would be lost, you would not succeed. But with time this feeling will fade away and maybe your relationship will stop or on the contrary, you're sure it's the right one.

Claudia smiled in response to her cousin. The next day everyone left the Mead, and Claudia received a message from Michael. They sent for a few days, also phoned. But the conversation that Claudia had with her cousin was trotting in her head since Christmas day. She had thought a long time before making her decision, put the pros and cons. And it is with apprehension that she went to announce it to these parents. They suspected it and was not a surprise, even if they were already worried. They could not go against their daughter's choice because they knew how important this man was to her. They just asked him to give him news often enough so that they could reassure themselves. Ten days later, the big day had arrived. Claudia was ready,and was going home for the first time. She hoped that one thing, that her decision was the right one, and that she did not regret it.


	6. Yes for life

It was shortly after January 1, 1989 that Claudia Joy moved to Fort Drum with Michael. She never again gave news to her college friends, wanting to leave in this new life serenely. In the beginning, everything seemed idyllic, until the day Michael returned more and more late at night and had to leave earlier and earlier in the morning. They could hardly see each other, even lunch together at noon became the obstacle course. It all became hard for Claudia, who was struggling to live alone on a military base, despite the coming spring. She had always said, a life in the army was not made for her. She had been against his ideas, was she going to pay him? In any case, she could not continue in this way. She had tried to go out, to see what was happening on the base but the envy was not part of it. So she stayed practically all the time at Michael's, grinding a lot of black. And it was not really the life she would have dreamed of. One night while she was already sleeping, Michael came back late, as usual. He made no sound for not waking her up. Opening the door of the room, he saw her sleeping in the moonlight. He found it so beautiful. He realized then that it had been a long time since they had spent time together. She missed him, he loved her more than anything, and would have liked to be able to prove him every day. He went to bed a few minutes later at his side. Without noticing it, he woke her up. Claudia, tired of all this, started to cry, which worried Michael who turned on the light again.

M: Claudia, something is wrong? Tell me …

The latter, remained back to him, and let the tears flow, as if it soothed something. Michael then approached her, put a hand on his arm and his cheek against his. He realized that she would not calm down quickly, as her sobs were painful. He returned it to him.

M: Claudia, you really worry me, tell me what's going on? Something happened?  
C: Michael, I do not know if I'll be able to continue like this ... You leave early, you come back late, we do not see each other anymore. I miss you, and being alone on a base, I can not do it.  
M: I miss you so much. I know that my schedules are so far complicated, I promise you that it will be better in a while, but for now I can not do anything. I'll understand perfectly well that you want to leave, because it's hard for me to know you alone, and not being able to see you.  
C: I do not want to leave, I just want to be with you.  
M: Listen I'll see tomorrow if my schedule can not be changed or if I can not find a solution for me?

Claudia nodded and Michael took her in his arms. They fell asleep quickly, both being exhausted. Michael did not manage to change his schedules, but he could have a weekend of leave for Claudia's greatest happiness. They passed him both, did not leave the two days. On Sunday as they strolled through Jefferson City, they passed a wedding store. Claudia did not pay attention but Michael though. He loved Claudia with all his heart, but the wedding was probably too premature. He then drove this thought out of his mind. He thought he had chased him away but without realizing it, this idea often came back to him. Michael went back to work after this weekend, Claudia knowing that it would start again as before. The month of May arrived, Claudia's birthday with. Michael had always had this image of the wedding shop in mind. He had spoken with his colleagues often, and as a matter of course, he could not imagine his life without Claudia at his side. He held to her as to the apple of his eyes, the love he had for him was indescribable. On Claudia's birthday, he asked permission to have his afternoon, explaining why and how. The latter was granted. Claudia was more than surprised to see Michael come back so early, especially since he had a big bunch of red roses. Was it to be forgiven for this time that was difficult for both? Claudia was convinced of this, without suspecting the surprise that awaited her.

C: Are you already here?  
M: And yes, and with his to make me forgive, he said, giving him the bouquet of roses.  
C: Oh that's so nice. Thank you very much, "said Claudia, putting the bouquet on the sofa and kissing him to thank him.

They stared into each other's eyes for a few moments as Michael spoke again.

M: I'm so happy to have you in my life.  
C: Me too. And it's so good to have you at home early.

Claudia curled up against Michael, who closed her arms around her. He informed her that he had to go take a shower, put a kiss on his hair and went to the bathroom. Claudia was happy, she was going to be able to spend the evening with Michael. She was far from suspecting the evening that awaited her. When Michael came out, he explained to Claudia that he had planned an evening just for the two of them, here at home, whom he had ordered from a caterer so that Claudia had nothing to prepare. The fact is that they were delivered quickly. So they prepared their evening, happy to finally be able to spend time with two. After finishing dinner, they settled on the couch. Michael then spoke.

M: I wanted to thank you for following me here. I know it was not a life like this that you dreamed of, and I'm aware of the sacrifices and efforts that it requires. Know that I will be eternally grateful for all this.  
C: You know that it's you who gave me back the taste of living. I could not get out of this black hole, except go to college and study to stop thinking. I did not think that one day I would know that feeling of having the impression that your life depends entirely on someone. You're so important to me, I can not imagine living without you.  
M: If you knew how much I love you, Michael responded to his speech by hugging her.  
C: I love you too, so much.

At that moment, Michael remembered the speech he had prepared with the impression that he had forgotten half of it. But he had to do it.

M: Claudia, you know that I really care about you. And I still hope this period of our lives lasts forever so much I'm good with you. You are as important to me as the apple of my eyes. I would like you not to regret having made that choice.  
C: It seems like you're talking to me like we're going to end our lives together.

There was a white. Claudia realized that the moment was not normal. Michael did not answer right away and she was frightened.

M: I can not imagine living the rest of my life without you Claudia. You are vital to me, I need you, you give me my balance, you are my pillar, my world.

Claudia felt tears come to her eyes. Michael opened her heart to him, which touched her deep inside. Michael turned his gaze to catch his and look in his eyes.

M: Would you agree to marry me?

Claudia did not believe her ears. She burst into tears, almost in tears, so strong was the emotion. But she knew she could not live without Michael and that it was as vital to him as it was to him. Michael took her in his arms and hugged her for a moment. He thought she would probably need some time to think.

M: I understand you want to think ... a decision like this is not taken lightly.

Claudia pulled away from him and nodded before smiling at him.

C: Yes, she replied, putting her hands on her cheeks and looking into his eyes, before kissing her. It's a yes !

Michael felt revived. He then released a small box in which was a beautiful ring set with some diamonds. And he passed it on Claudia's finger and took each other's arms. It's the day of her 23 years, that Claudia decided that her life would be the army, and that she would follow, wherever he went, Michael James Holden. They went to bed happily and happy for the months to come. It was later necessary to announce the news to their respective families. Michael's family learned it with joy and was eager to meet Claudia Joy. But she knew that for her own family, it would be more complicated. So as not to argue the day they went to Claudia's parents to announce them, they chose a date in late July, so that Michael will share with his superiors. Indeed, in order for this event to proceed smoothly, the Army would ensure that the soldiers were neither sent on mission nor transferred to another base until the long-awaited day and the following week. The following week, they went to the parents of Claudia Joy hoping that everything goes smoothly. When she returned, Charlotte noticed the ring on her daughter's finger. She does not say anything about it so as not to offend the mood as soon as they arrive. It was at the end of the meal that Michael and Claudia decided to announce the news.

C: Dad, Mom, I have something to announce you. She caught Michael's gaze to find support. With Michael, we are getting married.  
R: What a wonderful news! Congratulations to both of you, Randall immediately reacts to his daughter's announcement.  
M: Thank you Sir, "Michael said, too, relieved at the reaction of Claudia's father.  
Ch: I'm happy for you two! Charlotte said before slipping into the kitchen, sighing with Claudia Joy.  
R: Do not worry honey, give him time to think about it.  
C: You speak, she will never do it.

Claudia joins her mother in the kitchen, as the two men move outside.

C: Why do you react like his Mom?  
Ch: Why? You come to tell me that you are going to marry this ... this ... this man! And I should jump for joy?  
C: This is usually what parents do when their child tells them they are getting married. What do you have against Michael?  
Ch: He's a soldier! He will go on mission for months, years surely, you will find yourself alone ... that's what you call having a life? Forgive me for being a little less cheerful than you.  
C: But that's the life I chose mom. People marry cops, firefighters ... the difficulty is different but their life is just as difficult because the life of their spouse is also on a wire every time they are on guard. Why does the fact that it's a soldier put you off so much?  
Ch: Because he will leave you alone for long periods of time and that for me it's not that being married, he does not care what you feel, what comes first is the profession of soldier , the love of his country, not his love for you, he does not care about you!  
C: Oh, he does not care? Do you think that if he had nothing to do with me he would have asked me in marriage? No, what is putting you off is not that it's a soldier, but rather that you will no longer have control over your daughter's life. So you know what, not only will we get married on July 29th. Yes the date is already chosen, but in addition to that we plan to have children, and not to wait too much if you see what I mean. So your criticisms, your explanations, you keep them!

Claudia Joy leaves out, join Michael, tears in his eyes.

M: Sa went bad again?  
C: Madam just wants to control my life. Knowing she can not do it makes her angry, but it's a shame.  
M: Claudia, you have to arrange things with your mother, because she has to be here at our wedding.  
C: Arrange what? There is nothing more to arrange.

Michael sighed and joined Claudia's mother.

M: Charlotte, you can think what you want from me. I just wanted to tell you that our choice, or rather my request, has been carefully considered.  
Ch: So you probably have thought about what will become of my daughter when you are I do not know where and she will be alone with your children, since apparently you want some quickly. Well, maybe my daughter is already pregnant ...  
M: So rest assured, Claudia is not pregnant, I think I'll know. Then, it's the life of a military family. Claudia knows it, is aware of it. By agreeing to marry me, she also accepts the way of life of my job as well. She is 23, free to choose and choose the life she wants. So it is certainly not the one you dreamed for her, but we must accept that life will make her happy.  
Ch: How can you be sure? Aside from conquering a young woman who was psychologically difficult just for fun, I do not think it makes her happy in the long run! Charlotte dared to reply to Michael, who felt anger rising in him, but did not show it.  
M: Listen, whatever you think. Believe what you want. The only thing I can tell you is that it does not matter to me. I love Claudia, from the bottom of my heart. I proved my love to her by asking for her in marriage. Claudia has become my world, without her I am nothing now. We live together in such harmony, filled with love, with sincere love. We hold each other as the apple of our eyes and the only thing we are sure of is that we want to live our life together, build our lives, our family together. And whether you like it or not. So you are free to point at your daughter but just know that aside from you angry with her, you will not achieve anything else. And in this case, the person who will suffer, it is indeed you because you will miss all the important moments of the life of your daughter and will never participate in those moments of happiness that will be her marriage, the birth of his first child, Christmas, and so on. So continue to act stupidly and that's all you will earn.

Michael came out to see Claudia and it was decided that they would go back to Fort Drum immediately. When they returned, neither Michael nor Claudia spoke. At the Mead, Charlotte had been hurt by Michael's words. She knew he was right and if she persisted, she would lose her daughter. But she was stronger than she, she could not stop worrying. When Michael and Claudia finally arrived home, it was Michael who spoke first.

M: I'm sure your mother will take the news positively in the days to come.  
C: You speak, given his reaction. In addition I suspected it. By the way, what did you tell him before we left?  
M: I tried to convince her that I loved you more than anything in the world and that I need you now. I told him that without you I was nothing and that I cared so much for you.  
C: She answered?  
M: No, then I told her that the only thing that would happen would be that she would remain angry with you and miss all the wonderful moments of happiness she could have had with her daughter.  
C: That's what will happen. I'm sure she will not even be here at our wedding, "Claudia said sadly.  
M: Not if she reacted when I told her that she would miss our marriage, the birth of our first child ...

Claudia reacts immediately to the end of Michael's sentence.

C: The birth of our first child? But I'm not pregnant, and I hope that everything will be arranged with my mother before. And who told him we wanted it? We never talked about it.  
M: So why did you tell him we wanted to have kids quickly? She even told me that we hid her besides maybe you were pregnant.  
C: She believed that? Michael, I'm sorry, but I was pissed off, I told her to understand that it was serious both of us and that the desire to get married was thoughtful. I'm sorry if it hurt you. It has nothing to do with deciding on this alone, or wanting to make you a child in the back, I promise you.  
M: Wait, calm down, I know it all. We never hide anything, so you have no fear to have. By cons sincerely, you now want children?  
C: What I'm sure of is that you'll be the father.

Michael smiled at him.

M: But you do not answer my question ...  
C: Not now. Your job is too unstable at the moment, we do not really know how long we will stay at Fort Drum.  
M: You're right, but you know with the army, it's never a good time to have children. I often hear him say. Because of the moves, the missions, there is always a risk that I will not be present. But I hope we will become parents someday.  
C: Having a child, will be the most beautiful thing that can happen to us.

They took each other in their arms before going to bed and falling asleep very quickly. The following weeks were spent preparing for the wedding. Michael could only see the progress of the week-end, which he now had every week. It brought them closer and closer. Claudia Joy even had an idea. Without suspecting that this will punctuate his life from now on. In fact, she went to Base Headquarters to meet the people in charge of the Family Support Group to propose her project to create a small committee that would help families organize special events such as weddings. , baptisms, births when the spouse is absent. This was positively welcomed by the Group and Claudia took charge of this working group. Some soldier spouses joined her to launch this initiative. The first project we had to deal with was obviously the wedding of Claudia and Michael, the only one on the base in the coming months and the only event that was known within the band. Little by little, other people made themselves known to ask for help to organize baptisms, which had been the season in this month of June. Claudia had made friends, and was no longer bored during the day. She was even named to lead the group of events at the Fort Drum base. Michael was very proud of what Claudia had been able to do and was delighted to see her blossom from day to day at the military base. So each night, they could now talk each day. At a week of the long-awaited day, however, the stress gained them little by little.

M: Finally on weekends! Michael dropped out on Friday night.  
C: Hard week?  
M: At the moment there is training in real situations, it's quite stressful. But everything went very well. And how was your day?  
It's very good. I went to the hairdresser to see what hairstyle I would have.  
M: Whatever hairstyle you have, you will be the most beautiful in my eyes.

Claudia smiled at him before kissing him to thank him for the compliment.

C: So chosen hairstyle, makeup also, everything looks pretty good.  
M: It's great. What remains to be done?  
C: Tomorrow afternoon we have an appointment with the caterer to complete our choice of dishes for the meal, as well as with the decorator in the room to develop the latest details for the decor.  
M: Tell me, it's normally me who orders here, is not it? Michael said ironically, but glad to see Claudia so involved and happy right now.  
C: Not even in dreams! retorted Claudia with a laugh.  
M: By the way and in the support group, everything is going well?  
C: Yes, right now we are preparing three baptisms. We have work to do but I love it. I found myself an occupation worthy of the name and I finally feel useful on this basis. I should have gone before these people who are all so nice.  
M: I'm glad you like it and you're feeling good right now.  
C: Still do not know when you will be deployed?  
M: There is no situation in the world right now that requires the intervention of the US Armed Forces. So for the moment I'm staying there. But do not worry about that right now. We will live something wonderful next Saturday, we must not think of the rest of the agreement?  
C: Okay. Did you have new messages for other possible guests?  
M: No, from my side I got all the answers, positive or negative, because some people can not come unfortunately. And you ?  
C: I miss a few answers, but it's about my cousin married to a soldier, and she told me that he could leave at the last moment, so I told him that we counted them both. I do not think it's embarrassing that her husband will not come if he's the day before. For a person it should go I think. And if not, well, it's my parents ... Claudia bowed her head.  
M: You still have not spoken with your mother since May? Claudia, you have to talk to him. She will suffer not to come to your wedding and you will suffer from not having your parents with you that day. Especially that normally your father has to take you to the hotel in the church.  
C: My father phoned me, he told me he would come whatever happened. I could not conceive of getting married without him by my side.  
M: He does not even talk to your mother?  
C: If for the moment she does not know yet whether she will come or not. I tell myself that it's still better than a categorical no, even if I think it will not come. It is useless to hope in these cases.  
M: My heart, I'm sorry. Come here, "he said, taking her against him.

Michael thought that Claudia's mother must be here. He promised to call him quickly. The next day, they went to their various appointments which were held for the better. They spent the Sunday in love, to enjoy the good weather and the tranquility that there was in this month of July. The week before the wedding arrived quickly and it was Monday, that Michael decided to call Charlotte. He fell on the answering machine, but since he knew she was there at the time he was phoning, he left a message. Charlotte, did not answer voluntarily by recognizing the phone number. She was surprised to hear Michael leave a message.

M: Charlotte, hello it's Michael on the camera. I call you following a discussion I had with Claudia Joy on Friday night. She is very sorry to know that you will not come to her wedding. She will not tell me, but I know that she suffers as much as you. What's the point of this quarrel that has no reason to be? I'm going to marry your daughter, we'll build our life together. Even if you do not adhere to Claudia's choices, accept that she lives her own life, with her projects, her desires. I know that in your eyes she remains your little girl, that you have probably struggled to have seen him grow up so fast and fly his own wings overnight but we are going to get married. Remember what it means to you, your parents, this important day. Do you say that ...  
Ch: I know what this important day is in the eyes of young people ... answered Charlotte to Michael, picking up.  
M: Tell me now what's going on with Claudia, with me.  
Ch: Do not worry, I talked to my husband at length and I realized how much you loved my daughter, how important she was in your life, and vice versa, that you were very important to my daughter. But I'm afraid for her ... if ever you ever come back, what will she become? Especially if you have children? How will she live the separations that awaits you?  
M: Know that Claudia has joined the family support group, which helps military families on every possible level on the base. She has even been named the referent of the group of the events on the base and she thus manages the events on the base. She has an occupation, she has friends. So certainly for the moment she does not speak to me of the right or to return in faculty to finish her studies but if she wants to do it, I will not stop her from following her path. We live on a military base but we can get out, and Claudia can come and go as she wishes. She is not in a cage, you know.  
Ch: My daughter has friends? Charlotte understood that her daughter had become acclimated to her new life.  
M: Yes, and she found a way to make herself useful here. She put her legal knowledge more than once to the group's contribution. As for the rest and your questions, we can not know what life is made of or what it holds for us. But on a base the group also serves to be there during deployments, so that each of the wives or spouses of military does not feel alone and continues to advance while knowing his spouse at the other end of the world. Military life is unknown to you but do not close the doors to your daughter, get to know her new way of life, the life she has chosen. And take the first step by coming to his wedding on Saturday.  
Ch: Listen to Michael, I'm very touched by what you did for my daughter, because I know it's for Claudia that you called me, you want her to be happy the day of her wedding and I I am really touched. Thank you. As you said, she's still my little girl and I can not see her as an adult, soon married and who knows, maybe soon mom too. It's difficult. But tell him that ... I'll be here on Saturday, in the front row, to accompany him on this important day as you say.

After mutual thanks, they greeted each other and hung up. Michael did not tell Claudia that her mother would be there that day. He thought his father had the same idea as him, taking care not to tell Claudia so she was surprised. On the eve of the wedding, a large number of their respective families arrived to stay at the various Jefferson hotels, on the road they had to go. It was Claudia who went to welcome them to guide them to their respective hotels. Believing everyone had arrived, she went back home. She was delighted that Michael had already returned. When she opened the door she saw him on the phone.

M: ... but yes that's exactly what I had to do, I think it was the most sensible. We do as we said. Right away. Michael hung up. Good evening, my heart, how are you?  
C: Yes, but who were you talking to? All the people who had to arrive are there.  
M: All, are you sure?  
C: Yes, but you put me in doubt there. I forgot someone? Oh no that's not true, but I was convinced that I ...  
M: Stop! Stopped ! You have not forgotten anyone Claudia, do not worry, he assured Claudia.  
C: Michael, you scared me. So why are you telling me that? And you did not answer me, who did you talk to on the phone?  
M: Do you really want to know?  
C: I would like yes because when I hear you say "just now" it means that you have an appointment.  
M: I ... we have an appointment. Lets' go.

Claudia followed Michael to the hippest hotel in the city. First, he went to the reception to ask for the keys. They went to a room that turned out to be a suite.

C: Michael, what's that?  
M: This is the sequel I booked for our wedding night tomorrow night. I wanted everything to be perfect for you Claudia.  
C: But it's beautiful, but why ... I ...

Tears came to his eyes. Michael handed him a blank envelope of writing. Claudia looked at him in astonishment.

M: Open, you'll see, he said, smiling at him.

Claudia opened the envelope and found two plane tickets for an island in the Indian Ocean, which is none other than Seychelles. Claudia could not believe it, she did not know what to say.

M: As the army gives me this week of vacation after the wedding, we will leave Sunday afternoon for this destination. For a short time of course, but I think it will be magic. Then we will see little our families but it is expected that the people who had planned to stay, stay until we leave.

Claudia started crying and curled up in Michael's arms. She was inconsolable as the emotion was strong. Everything was so wonderful right now for her. Once her tears dried, she thanked Michael with all his heart and kissed him tenderly. Michael put the envelope back on the small table, then took Claudia by the hand and led him down the hall.

M: Ah does not say anything, there is one last surprise for you.  
C: Michael ...  
M: Follow me.

They walked for a few minutes, then stopped in front of a door, similar to theirs, which probably had to hide another suite. Michael knocked and a distant voice told him to enter. Michael opened the door but spoke to Claudia before opening it completely.

M: I know that what we are both living right now is really wonderful. I also know that tomorrow will be the best day of our lives. I am sure of it. But I also know that despite all this, the surprises, the gifts, it will miss something to your happiness. Well, someone.

Michael opened the door, Claudia went stunned by what Michael had just told him and did not really understand the situation. Arriving in the parlor of this suite, she stopped, wide-eyed, hand in front of her mouth. She could not believe it. She burst into tears as the emotion was great. Before her stood her parents together, her father of course, and her mother. Claudia turned to Michael who was behind her and threw herself into his arms. It took a long time for Michael to comfort Claudia. She went to say hello to her parents and hugged her mother for a long time.

C: Thank you mom! Thanks thanks thanks !  
Ch: The person to thank is Michael honey.  
What is it ? but ...

They stayed together for a long time talking, and explaining to him what Michael had done, said to convince Charlotte. Claudia also explained herself a long time with her mother and that night everyone was reconciled. Claudia knew it, there were other open wounds she would like to cure with her mother, but the biggest one was said and done tonight and she preferred to enjoy the moment. It was soon time to leave for Michael and Claudia. They all made appointments the next morning for the preparation of this day which will not be like the others. Michael and Claudia hurried back to be fit for D-Day. They each took a quick shower. When Michael joins Claudia in the bedroom, she was sitting on the bed at theexpect.

M: Something wrong?  
C: I was thinking about this evening. To say that I had left my father in a small hotel outside the city. I still can not believe it.  
M: It's the purpose of a surprise my heart. In any case I would not have thought it was so moving, he said, putting a lock of hair behind his ear.  
C: I do not know how to thank you for all that.  
M: Tell me yes tomorrow, and it will be the most beautiful proof of love.  
C: If you knew how much I love you. Thank you for everything.

They kissed tenderly and went to bed. Michael spoke again.

M: Say that your mother thought I was calling her to tell you that you were pregnant.

They laughed endlessly, imagining Charlotte's head on the other end of the line.

C: Truce joke, it would not have been the right time.  
M: Why not the right moment?  
C: Well, we do not know exactly what sauce you'll be eating after our wedding. I would rather know that you will be near me for this moment than at the other end of the earth.  
M: I understand. Have you ever thought about having children?  
C: Yes, often. Deep down I always waited for this moment to become a mother. I have always said that I will have two. But I feel that this is not the right moment. And you ?  
M: As soon as we got together I felt this desire to have a child with you.  
C: You never told me about it yet.  
M: Because we never addressed the subject, it's true. Just know that no matter when it happens, I'll be the happiest man in the world. And I hope you'll be happy with me.  
C: That's already the case.

They took each other in their arms, kissed each other, then quickly fell asleep dreaming of the day, or maybe one day a child would run into their house. The next morning, everyone was on the war footing. As tradition dictated, Claudia prepared herself away from Michael's eyes with her mother. The hairdresser and the make-up artist came to the suite of the Mead Hotel to dress and make up Claudia. As for Michael, he prepared himself in their house on the base, before a taxi came to pick him up to take Jefferson's town hall. When Claudia was ready, her mother could not believe her eyes.

Ch: I can not believe my baby is getting married today.  
C: Mom, I'm not a baby anymore, now I have to live my life.  
Ch: I know it well. Come on, let's go we'll be late.

They got into the taxi which took them to the town hall. When Claudia got out of the car, Michael's heart exploded in his chest. He finds her so beautiful in her beautiful white dress, he had no other words. Claudia found him particularly handsome and classy in his army costume, as he had to wear it to get married. The move to the town hall went exactly as the newlyweds wanted. All went to the church where the religious ceremony was held. Everything went as planned and it was full of emotions that they arrived at the exchange of consents.

P: Claudia Joy Mead, would you like to take Michael James Holden here?  
C: Yes,I want it.  
P: Michael James Holden, do you want to take for wife, Claudia Joy Mead here present?  
M: Oh yes!

The priest called one of the little girls present who was to bring the wedding rings. And it is their exchange that everyone says the speech he had prepared for the other.

C: Michael, with this ring, I choose you as your husband, to love you all my life, in the good as the bad times, as well as to have the happiness to be with you every moment.  
M: Claudia, with this ring, I choose you as a wife, to love you for better and for worse, in health as in illness, and this throughout my life.

They understood then that they were now bound for life, married, and that nothing could change that. They then had tears in their eyes and hugged each other before kissing each other under the applause of their respective families. They spent a beautiful end of the day. The evening was synonymous with happiness, love. They knew they would never forget that day which was the beginning of a great adventure in the US Army. The next afternoon they went on a honeymoon and came back the following Saturday. The routine took over as Michael returned to work and Claudia returned to the support group. This did not prevent them from being both on a small cloud. But this happiness may have been short-lived.


	7. Happiness and fear

A few days passed when one night Michael came back, looking embarrassed. Claudia saw him immediately and asked what was going on, but he explained that he was very tired and went to take a shower. Michael just wanted to gain some time before announcing the bad news to Claudia. He knew it would happen, Claudia knew it too, but he did not know how she would approach it. When he came out of the bathroom, dinner time had arrived. At the table, Claudia was fed up that Michael does not explain what was bothering him.

C: Honey, tell me what's going on, I see when something is bothering you. Did you have a problem at work?  
M: It has to do with the job.  
C: Are you deployed? Claudia asked with fear.  
M: No, at all.  
C: In this case, nothing makes me more afraid that the day you announce me that, you can tell me what is without any problem, Claudia told him holding his hand.  
M: I'm mutated Claudia. It means we have to move.  
C: Already? I thought we would stay at least 4 years in a base before ...  
M: No, it's 4 years old sweetie. I know you got used to Fort Drum, that you started to feel good here and ...  
C: Michael, what I did here, I'll do it elsewhere. And I knew that in the army we moved often. The main thing is that you are together no?  
M: That's right you're right. I was afraid of your reaction.  
C: All is well do not worry. When should we leave?  
M: In a month. I was given the list of things to do to pass the inspection and move to the new base.  
C: Where were you transferred?  
M: We stay in New York State as I am expected in Fort Hamilton, Brooklyn.  
C: It's not very far, it's positive.  
M: There are some military women that you will find in the support group because we are about fifteen to leave. Need the army, we have to. I think there are two women you know who will be there too.  
C: It's reassuring, there will be at least known faces. And for home, business, how do we do it?  
M: Then ours must be packed in cartons. What belongs to the base, ie the furniture, we leave them here, and the people who will arrive behind us will have the choice either to keep them here, or to take them to the depot to put their own furniture.  
C: Can we have other furniture there?  
M: Yes, yes, without any worries. Our house will be similar, with a small extra room in which we can put a sofa bed for friends or family who will sleep and a small office I think, so it will allow me to go back to work at home from time to time.  
C: All will be well Michael, do not worry.  
M: Your mother told me, "How will my daughter do when you have to be transferred or move every year or two, she will be completely lost through your fault," I worry about you. I hope you will not be lost and that you will not mind me for taking you into this life of the army.  
C: Michael, forget what my mother could tell you. We have reconciled on a lot of things, and she does not think about that anymore. She is reassured just that you are here, and knowing that we are so accomplices, so close, so important for each other, reassures her that she knows you will not abandon me. I love you with all my heart, it will not change. I'll follow you wherever you go, that's the life I've chosen. I know that one day or another you will be deployed but now that I know the existence of support groups, I know that I will not be alone during these long months and that whatever happens we will meet again.  
M: If you knew how I love you.  
C: I know it, and do not forget our project.  
M: Our project?  
C: Have a child.

Michael smiled at him, touched by Claudia's words and then they kissed tenderly before doing some storage in the house and going to bed. The next morning, Claudia studied the list of things to do. She coughed as and the days before departure, she made the boxes. There were 6 kids, and nothing else. Indeed, they had not had time to have things of their own. The move was smooth and the move was quick. It took Claudia to get used to this new base, to the new support group, to new people, to a new environment. In addition to that, winter was coming, and the days were short. But their rhythm of life was again similar to that of Fort Drum. Once acclimatized, Michael could return earlier to work at home, which allowed them to see each other longer during the day. Michael had more of that a little more responsibilities that could foreshadow a possible promotion in the months to come. For the moment, it was calm. The end of year festivities arrived quickly, and went on for the better. They spent Christmas with Claudia's parents, and the new year with Michael's parents. The year 1990 arrived with gentleness and presaged a lot of things. It was without saying. Indeed, Michael had always wanted to have the badge of the Rangers, he wanted to become one. The Fort Hamilton base offered its soldiers a three-week training camp, at the end of which the Ranger badge was given to the soldier who could have completed this intensive course entirely without giving up. Michael signed up immediately, before even talking to Claudia. The 15 places were taken by storm and he wanted to have this chance, this privilege to participate in this course. Indeed this kind of training was organized only very rarely, and most of the bases of the United States had already done it. So he jumped at the chance. It was, however, necessary to announce it to Claudia and to explain to her that she would stay 3 weeks alone. A first separation to live, without stakes, since Michael would return in any case, but a first experience of separation to live all the same. He apprehended his reaction, and he was right. When he returned, Claudia jumped on him almost to announce good news.

C: Michael! You will not believe me, I was appointed head of the support group, for events in general, that is to say everything that will happen on the base, the receptions and I on the way !  
M: I'm really happy for you, it's great, said Michael somewhat overwhelmed by the situation, kissing him.

Claudia realized that something was wrong with Michael not paying more attention than her and going straight to the bathroom. Everything went through her head, so that an anxiety arose in her. When Michael came back, she could not help but talk.

C: Something wrong?

Michael stared at her, not knowing how to explain to him. Claudia, imagining the worst felt tears come to her eyes. She asked the impossible in her eyes.

C: You're deployed, right?  
M: No, at all, but I will have to leave.  
C: Leave? That is to say ? What does it mean to leave?  
M: You know I always wanted to get the Ranger badge. It is unfortunately rare to find a military base that organizes the necessary course but Fort Hamilton offers exceptionally this year. There were only fifteen places. I jumped at the chance.  
C: Did you know when?  
M: This afternoon.

Claudia was forced to admit that he had not been able to talk to her before making her decision. But she apprehended this situation.

C: When are you leaving?  
M: In 10 days, and for three weeks.  
C: Three weeks?

Claudia could not hold back her tears. She knew that someday it would happen. Although she knew it was only for three weeks, but the anxiety of seeing Michael go and never see him come back was stronger than the rest. Michael tried to console her by all means by taking her against him.

M: Claudia, it's only three weeks. This is nothing compared to possible future deployments that last at least three weeks but up to two years.  
C: I just do not know what I'm going to do without you. You are my balance Michael.  
M: I know my heart, you are mine too, and you know it. This is just a situation that will be repeated many times in our life. We are never prepared for separation, but we will come out stronger, more in love than ever. This will strengthen our ties and our reunion will be all the more beautiful.  
C: I do not want to lose you, Claudia admitted, fear in her stomach.  
M: You will not lose me, I give you my word, said Michael taking the head of Claudia in his hands. I love you.  
C: Me too.

They huddled together and dined quickly to go to bed. The 10 days that separated them from Michael's first departure passed quickly, too, according to Claudia. Michael prepared his luggage and gave Claudia the last instructions. Indeed, they could not join for 3 weeks. He will call him when he arrives, then when he leaves again to return. He had one last quick meeting at headquarters and then returned quickly. Claudia had prepared a delicious dinner to enjoy this last evening. Their night was only love and passion, mixed with an anxiety to lose the other. Michael left the next morning, and rejoined the starting point. The beginning of three long weeks. For his part Michael did not see the time spent as the internship was difficult. He even thought of abandoning it before remembering what he wanted most. Claudia arrived thanks to her friends of the support group to overcome the absence of Michael. She was often out during the day, which helped her not to ruminate. However, about 10 days before Michael's return, Claudia fell ill, which caused her to stay in bed. Her friends succeeded each other in order to bring him his meals, to do some housework. The doctor went to see her quickly. He auscultated quickly but the diagnosis was quick.

M: Mrs. Holden, in my opinion you are pregnant. Check with a pregnancy test but nausea, lack of appetite, headache, fatigue, it seems logical enough.

Claudia had her throat tied and could not answer right away.

C: You think ... Finally I mean, are you sure?  
M: Some, all my congratulations. Your husband will have beautiful news when he returns.

Claudia nodded courteously, but there was fear in her eyes. She knew it was not the right time. The test was positive. The few days that separated her from Michael's return were difficult to live with. What to do ? Make the decision alone or wait to talk to Michael. They had promised to have no secrets for each other, so she decided to talk to him before making any decision. For his part, Michael was back on the base two days before the scheduled date. He went through the guest quarters to go take a quick shower to be presentable for Claudia to whom he had good news to announce. When he arrived in front of the house, he remained for a few moments watching him, as if he had not come for ages. He finally decided to enter where he saw Claudia from behind in the kitchen. She turned as she heard the door open.

C: Michael!  
M: Honey!

They laughed in their arms, the happiness of meeting was intense.  
C: But what are you doing here?  
M: The internship ended two days earlier than planned. And I wanted to surprise you.  
C: And what a wonderful surprise. It's good to have you back home.

They embraced and squeezed hard.

C: So how was your internship?  
M: Experiencing, but so happy to have succeeded. I received my badge at the end-of-course ceremony.  
C: It's great! Ton reached your goal, it's really nice.  
M: Thank you. But I have another news, even better.  
C: Which one?  
M: I was promoted to 1st Lieutenant. I'm changing rank, and I'll have a little more function now.  
C: That's not true? Michael but it's great!

Claudia jumped to her neck she was so happy for him. She did not suspect that a question from Michael would break the mood.

M: Thank you honey. And you what are the news? he asked, sitting down on the couch.  
C: Oh nothing new, during your absence I was so busy ... she tried to hide.  
M: All the better. So it's probably not to worry that you're hiding me that you've been sick for 10 days and that it's not necessarily better at the moment?  
C: How did you know?  
M: Some female soldier had call the general point of the internship or only our superior had a phone in case of emergency. He gave news of so much. And one of them gave me the message that you were really sick, not good at all and that it was not great form. What happened ?  
C: I woke up one morning, could not get up without feeling that I was going to throw up. It was not the top actually.  
M: Sa lasted so long? And considering your looks, it did not seem to be getting better. Did you see a doctor at least?  
C: Yes, the base doctor came to see me at home.

Claudia dreaded this moment more and more. But it was necessary to throw oneself away from having to be angry, Michael had to know.

M: So what was the diagnosis?  
C: I ... that is to say that ...  
M: Claudia, tell me. I can hear everything, even the worst news.

Claudia stared him straight in the eyes, and assumed a neutral air.

C: Michal, I'm pregnant.

Michael felt his throat knot. He could not get out a word.

C: I ... I could not hide it from you. The test was positive and the doctor's blood test confirmed it.  
M: Are you pregnant? Michael finally reacts after a few minutes of silence. But how long have you known?  
C: Two days. And I have been for three weeks.

Michael knew what night Claudia was referring to. But he still could not believe it. He could not even show his feelings. Claudia took it in a negative way.

M: You're pregnant! Michael repeated to convince himself that this was real.  
C: Yes, and I know it's not the right time. You just had your promotion, you're going to have more responsibilities, and it will not coincide with having a child but I had to talk to you about it before making a decision. You are still his father to this child. So can we talk about it, please?

Claudia's last sentence echoed in Michael's head. That's right, he was the father of this child. But no matter, the decision, his, was all found. He got up from the couch and turned his back on Claudia.

M: Claudia, I think there is no need to discuss.  
C: But Michael, I ...  
M: This is not the right time, but in the army it will never be the right moment, believe me. So I always learned to take what happened in life in positive, with sweetness and happiness. In 1 year I may be gone, in 2 years who knows where we will be, what position I will have, what responsibilities I will have. So no matter when, unless you want to make another decision, we can only keep this child.

Michael turned to Claudia, smiling. Claudia could not believe it. An immense relief was felt and instead of shedding tears as she could have done, she laughed so much happiness was strong. Michael took her against him and hugged him tenderly.

M: We're going to have a baby, he repeated to Claudia so that both of them realize what was going to happen in the months to come. Thank you for living and giving so much happiness to my life, "he told Claudia.  
C: I love you.

After a long hug, the course of their lives resumed, filled with joy. It was then necessary to announce the good news to their respective parents. Contrary to what they would have thought, everyone took the news with happiness. Claudia even thought it seemed weird especially for her parents but she forgot about it quickly. However, she was right. Charlotte had not dared to share her fears and anxieties so as not to worry her daughter. Although she liked Michael a lot now, he did not stop her from hoping that he would not be deployed this year. Michael was thrilled. Now her work days were softened by her moments spent with Claudia and their future child. Everything became more concrete when Claudia could feel the baby moving. The second ultrasound performed during the 5th arrived quickly. During this meeting, Michael was of course present and the soldier hard and strong gave way to the man moved and sensitive. They were very attentive to everything the gynecologist said when the crucial question came up.

G: Well, everything seems to be going well. Would you like to know if it's a girl or a boy?  
C: Can we know it now?  
G: Yes, especially since it is possible to know for sure today.  
M: We'd rather have the surprise on the day of birth, said Michael after consulting Claudia's advice.  
G: As you wish. I inform you that if you change your mind you can call me or ask me at the next ultrasound.  
C: Okay, thank you.

They left the rendezvous happy. At the beginning of July, Claudia's parents came to visit them during a weekend. Charlotte was happy to see her daughter as fulfilled and especially to know that Michael had not been deployed. However, while she was outside, thinking, Michael saw her thoughtfully and came to ask him what was happening.

M: All right Charlotte?  
Ch: I'm worried about Claudia.  
M: I think it must be normal for a mother to worry while her daughter is also about to become so.  
Ch: No, I worry about her about her life in the army.  
M: Charlotte, I thought everything was clear between us compared to her.  
Ch: Yes all is, there is no problem Michael. However, I worry. And if you were deployed now, or just before birth? Even just after ... How will Claudia react? How is she going to be alone on a military base with a baby?

Michael felt a stress invade him. And if he missed everything? But he soon returned to earth.

M: Nothing indicates a quick deployment. The baby arrives in 3 months and I think nothing in the world forces the US military to leave.  
Ch: Do you promise me that you will be there for her?  
M: Charlotte, I have always been there for her, however, I can not promise to be there when the time comes, simply because I can be in training and our superiors have orders to disturb us under any circumstances because this can be dangerous for themselves, for us. But I think I'll be there in time anyway because the workouts do not last more than two hours.  
Ch: And who will be there with Claudia at the end of her pregnancy?  
M: Her friends are there do not worry.  
Ch: Yes, but here at home? What will happen if she feels unwell or something else?  
M: What if you came home? Michael asked knowing that it would make the company to Claudia and he would be quieter. You would come when Claudia returns to her eighth month of pregnancy, that way, you'll be there no matter what.  
Ch: Yes, that would solve everything. It's a good idea Michael.

Claudia approved of it. For even if she did not show it, because she had learned little by little that in the army we did not show her emotions, she was anxious for that moment that would happen quickly. The weekend passed happily, everyone reassured by the future. It was without knowing what the army reserved for them. Indeed about 10 days later, Michael returned one evening looking sorry.

C: Are you all right?  
M: Sincerely, not really.  
C: What's going on?  
M: There have been some concerns in Iraq today. We do not know what this suggests.  
C: Are you going to be deployed?  
M: No, do not worry. We watch from afar what goes on hoping that indeed they will not need us.  
C: I hope ...  
M: You know, it's been 2 years now that between Iraq and Kuwait there are worries about oil. We have never needed to intervene at the moment so I do not see why this time it should be. So do not worry, I will not agree?

He took Claudia in his arms to comfort her. A few days later, tensions in Iraq calmed down and everyone thought it was a false alarm. Unfortunately, everything got bogged down quickly in early August, the 82nd Airborne Fort Bragg was deployed in full in Iraq to target the needs and see the scope of the mission. The chopper fell quickly. Most US divisions would be deployed little by little in Iraq. Michael and his division would be at the end of August, 2 months before the birth of their child. When Michael received orders a panic fear frightened him terribly. He was going to miss everything, the birth of their child, his first days of life, his first months perhaps. Indeed, the deployment would last at least 7 months. It had to be announced to Claudia.

M: Claudia, the news has fallen.  
C: Are you deployed? Claudia had understood it from the fuss of the base and had suspected it.  
M: That's right, we're leaving at the end of the month.  
C: How long?  
M: Maximum 7 months.  
C: 7 months? You're going to miss Michael.

Claudia's eyes fogged. Michael took her in his arms and squeezed her gently.

M: I know my heart. But these are the orders, I can not discuss them.  
C: How am I going to do without you?  
M: As of tomorrow, you have to call your mother and explain to her. I'll do it, and that way she'll come a few days before I leave okay?

Claudia nodded. She had to accept the situation. Michael was receiving his orders from the President of the United States, not leaving he would be a deserter and could be arrested and put in prison. He was deployed and he had to resign himself to it. They took advantage, however, to devote themselves as much as possible to the baby, prepared her room, her clothes, her stuffed animals, everything necessary for the arrival of a child was now ready. The choice of names also proved to be a concern indeed, he still had someone in mind as much for a girl as for a boy but they took the time to choose for one and the other. They arrived at a common choice. If it was a boy, would be Henry James Holden, and if it was a girl, would be Amanda Joy Holden. Michael had been very close to Claudia and the latter had made him participate as much as possible in what she could feel with her baby especially when it was moving. Michael also took care of the administrative things by looking in Town Hall for the declaration papers of children born. He filled the parts he could fill, then signed. Claudia would not have more than indicated the name of the child and to put the date of the day of his birth. Michael also took the opportunity to review the car and make sure everything was in order during his absence. Charlotte arrived a week before Michael's departure, made his mark in the house and listened to Michael's advice and statements. But even though they had prepared for this first long separation, D-Day proved to be more difficult than expected.


	8. When joy prevails

The next morning, Michael got up early enough to prepare the latest stuff. Seeing Claudia sleep, he did not wish to wake her up to let her sleep. But he felt guilty for not being able to say goodbye to him properly. Charlotte pulled him out of his thoughts.

Ch: Michael, are you all right?  
M: I was thinking about Claudia, I did not want to wake her up, but if I leave, she will live it in a rather difficult way.  
Ch: It's up to you to see, but in any case, it will live badly. You see Michael, that's what I feared.  
M: That is to say?  
Ch: There would have been a day or you would be deployed and that day, Claudia would be alone. There she will be alone, but your child will be born while her father is at the other end of the earth. I worry about my daughter.  
M: I know Charlotte. But that life, Claudia wanted it. We talked a lot about it when we met, and these discussions went on far beyond. She had the choice. But our love has been the strongest. That day was coming, we did not know when it would happen but we knew that one day I would leave. And these emotions are magnified because she is pregnant.  
Ch: And I respect his choice but who tells me that you will come back safe and sound?  
C: I tell you mom!

Michael and Charlotte turned around. Claudia stood there in front of them. She had finally woken up and heard part of their conversation.

M: Claudia, honey. You should go back to sleep, you still have time.  
C: No, I do not want to miss your departure, she explained by coming curl up in his arms.  
Ch: In this case, let's have a leisurely breakfast.  
M: I finish finishing my stuff, I arrive in a few minutes.  
C: I'm coming with you.

Charlotte cooked breakfast and Claudia followed Michael to the bedroom.

C: What time should you be at the meeting point?  
M: We have to go directly to the runway. We meet there with a speech from the Base General, then we will have ten minutes to say goodbye to our families, before having to board the plane.  
C: Do you take off at what time?  
M: It's scheduled for 10am. But often there is a little delay because if Iraq calls to tell us that there is an unexpected, we can take off only an hour later but it is more than rare. The orders are so precise.  
C: How will I know that you have arrived safely?  
M: When we have arrived and settled, we will each have five minutes spread over two days and that according to the number of telephone available, to call our families. So I'll call you to give you news.  
C: If you call and I'm not here?  
M: We will not have the right to re-call before three weeks. But do not worry, there will always be someone who has had his mate or husband and who can tell you that everything is fine.  
C: And when the baby is there, how can you be warned?  
M: The director of the hospital calls in person my superior who often stays at the base there because it never goes into operation. And he's coming to warn me and I'll have the right to call you at the hospital.  
C: How long is your deployment?  
M: At least 7 months. That is to say, according to the studies done in the field, we will be able to resolve the situation in 7 months, maybe a little less, maybe a little more. We may, however, be forced to patrol a few more weeks in the country to make sure everything is and will stay in order.

Claudia did not ask any more questions. She sat down and lowered her head. This silence made Michael return, who had just finished his luggage.

M: sweatheart, are you all right? Claudia?  
C: It's nothing, just a little contraction.  
M: What? Are you sure you're ok ?  
C: Yes, do not worry. For two weeks I have it from time to time.  
M: I'm so guilty of leaving you alone here.  
C: You must not. These are your orders. And no matter how we feel, even though we each have a panic fear of not being able to watch over each other for a long time, we can not go against your orders. You know. I do not know how I will do without you, I do not know how I will manage to live these last two months without you, and to be able to give birth to our baby without you. but we have no choice.  
M: If you knew how I love you.

They took each other in their arms, then resolved to go and have breakfast. Shortly separated them from the fateful departure. This time was silent. Nobody dared to speak. Claudia restrained herself from not crying. Michael dreaded the last goodbyes. Charlotte accompanied them in order to be able to bring Claudia home later. They arrived at the hangar or further away, was the runway. A buffet had been set up and a lot of people were already there. Charlotte stands back. It was announced that the General of the base would have a little delay. Michael took Claudia in his arms and wanted to enjoy this moment to the fullest. He could feel his heart beating fast, and knew that the stress had just invaded Claudia. The baby started to move, feeling the stress that his mother felt. Michael was called by his superior, so he had to leave Claudia for a few minutes. It did not take more to Claudia to feel a sharp and intense contraction that made her bend forward by leaning against the edge of the stands. His mother ran up quickly and made her sit down.

Ch: Claudia, are you all right? Take a seat. Breathe well. I knew that this day will go badly.  
C: His pass, the pain goes away little by little.  
Ch: You scared me ... It's because of stress and anxiety about Michael. It will take rest and pay attention to you.

Michael, who had seen the scene from a distance, was obliged to stay with his superior for the duration of the conversation, but when he finished, he rushed to Claudia.

M: Claudia! What is going on ?  
Ch: It's nothing, his anguish has caused a sharp contraction, but everything is gone, nothing alarming.  
M: Are you sure?  
C: Michael, everything is fine.

The general of the base arrived and all were gathered before him for the speech. It lasted almost ten minutes before the soldiers could say goodbye to their family. We could see some women accustomed to these departures who managed the situation particularly well as well as their children. This was not the case of Claudia. She made Michael promise to take care of him and come back to live in Fort Hamilton. However, she could not hold back any longer and burst into tears in Michael's arms. The latter felt his eyes fog up, but the gestures being stronger than the words, they pressed against each other to make the most of this embrace. The minutes seemed too short for Michael to get on board. They kissed tenderly for a few seconds. Their eyes expressed all the feelings they felt for each other. Charlotte came to take her daughter's hand when Michael got on board to support her in this hardship. When she returned, Claudia went to lie on the bed and fell asleep quickly, because her night had been short as the anguish that held her was great. Charlotte let her recover and sleep until lunch time. They had lunch and then went for a walk in the base. It was empty, only women, a few husbands and children filled the streets, parks and shops, there was no more detonation, no more noises of planes or military gear. All this meant that the soldiers were gone. Three days later, Claudia finally received the long-awaited call from Michael. He had arrived well, well settled, everything was going as planned in Iraq, no particular concern was to be deplored and their mission was well underway. This call gave heart to Claudia, who tried somehow to climb the slope. Charlotte was present without leading her life. She accompanied him on his last visit to the gynecologist for the last ultrasound which revealed that everything was going really well. The last month of pregnancy was so good. As expected, about three weeks later, Michael phoned. The action at the front was going smoothly and everything was finally going faster than expected. He warned Claudia that he could not possibly call him until the end of October, as they had moved to Kuwait and would only have a basic base camp before returning to Iraq on their main camp. He hoped that it would go quickly and that he could call Claudia before the birth of their child, but nothing was sure. Claudia was having more and more trouble with Michael's absence, the fact that the end of her pregnancy was approaching, it scared her and without Michael she did not know how it would happen. The baby was planned for the end of October, more precisely the 29th, but because of the stress she felt every day, Claudia was admitted to the hospital at the beginning of the month. Contractions a little too strong at this stage of pregnancy were abnormal. On the 9th of October, their little girl, who named herself Amanda Joy Holden, came to the world. Charlotte was not allowed to enter, but the nurses had surrounded Claudia so that she felt as lonely as possible. Claudia was very tired so Amanda was taken to the nursery so she could rest. Meanwhile, the director of the hospital was trying to reach Michael's superior, without result. Indeed, the connections were difficult to establish. The next morning, however, the two men could finally talk to each other. The director dictated the information to be passed on to Michael to tell him the good news and reassure him as well. The conversation was brief and it was thanks to the satellite phone that the Colonel who had accompanied Michael and the other men, that the connection could be established. The Colonel hastened to tell Michael.

Co: Holden, report!  
M: Right now sir, said Michael, joining the Colonel in his tent that was similar to his office.  
Co: I just had on the satellite phone Brigadier General remained in Iraq. He received a call from the Fort Hamilton Hospital. Your wife gave birth yesterday at the beginning of the day to your little girl. Congratulations Holden!  
M: A girl? My daughter is born? My daughter is born! repeated Michael, who did not realize the great news he had just heard. He put his head between his hands to wipe away the fine tears that ran down his face before asking the Colonel some questions. Have you had any other information? Do you know how is my wife?  
Co: Your wife is fine, although very tired, as well as the baby. According to the information, it weighs 3kg280 and measures 49cm.  
M: Wow! That's wonderful ! When can I call my wife?  
Co: We must finish today and tomorrow our patrols before returning to Iraq. This way you can call him safely in the Brigadier General's office.  
M: All right, thanks sir.  
Co: You can arrange, and the next patrol will leave without you Holden, go enjoy this news as it should be in your tent. Break!  
M: Thank you sir!

Michael came out of the tent and paused. He could not believe it, his baby was born. Rather, his daughter was born. He was a dad, and he had a little girl. He went to his tent which was empty since the other men who shared it with him were on patrol. He took the picture of Claudia Joy that he still had in his bag with him and admired him. He then thought back to the discussion they had about the names and realized that in Fort Hamilton, a small Amanda Joy Holden was born and that it was indeed her daughter. He let the tears of happiness flow in the Colonel's office and was at that moment the happiest of men on earth. However, he quickly felt a lack of Claudia, and a great guilt for not being with her, to share with her the first moments of their daughter's life. Her thoughts were turned only to the two of them, Claudia and Amanda. He would have liked to discover his face, to hear him cry. He had thought he could handle that moment like a soldier, but his happiness was quickly mixed with sadness. Indeed, he returned to the Fort only in a little over 4 months. When he returned, his daughter would already be four months old and he would have missed a lot of things. He came to his senses thinking that tomorrow night at the latest, he would have Claudia on the phone and could finally hear his voice. The next day they returned to the base camp in Iraq, and the Brigadier General summoned him to his office.

G: Holden, how did this patrol go in Kuwait?  
M: Well, sir, without a hitch, the mission has been completed. But the Colonel would be better able to inform you sir.  
G: I know Holden! I did not call you to discuss the mission but of you.  
M: About me? Will I have broken the rules or something wrong, sir?  
G: None of that Holden. Today, there is nothing very important to manage regarding actions at the front. You have half an hour to call your wife and take her news.  
M: Thank you sir.  
G: Enjoy it because we're leaving three weeks again in two days, and it will be impossible to make calls.  
M: Good sir.

The Brigadier General left, leaving Michael alone in the face of his stress, his guilt, his happiness but also his sadness. He dialed the hospital number, which the General had left voluntarily on his desk, and sat down. At the end of the line, a secretary answered, passing the line on the phone in Claudia's room. These phones were only connected to the hospital network so that young mothers would not be disturbed during their stay at the maternity ward. When the latter sounded, Claudia was not present, having gone to bathe Amanda near the pediatric nursery nursery. The secretary repeated the call and then explained to Michael that there was nobody. He asked him to try again, this being the only time he could join his wife given his deployment. What she tried. Claudia was coming back with Amanda's cradle, when she heard the phone coming into the room, she went to throw herself on the phone, while returning to close the door and bring Amanda's cradle back to her bed.

C: Yes, hello?  
M: My heart ...  
C: Michael! How are you ? You're okay ? Everything is going well ? You're not hurt?  
M: Everything is fine. I only have half an hour to talk to you. I'm so happy to finally hear your voice.  
C: Me too. If you call me, you have received the good news.  
M: Yes, a wonderful news is the birth of our little Amanda is not it? So tell me, how did it go?  
C: Pretty hard at the beginning. I had violent contractions following your departure. I was hospitalized because it was not normal, and so in order to be followed and monitored. Amanda was born someday after.  
M: Hospitalized? To say that I was thousands of miles away from you instead of helping you to overcome that ... you can not imagine how much I feel guilty.  
C: Michael, you must not, especially not.  
M: For the moment I can not think otherwise. Your mother was there?  
C: No, they did not want to bring her back, because since Amanda was born 20 days early, they had some concerns about her birth. So he did not want to bring in anyone. Even if you would have been there, I'm not sure you could have been with me.  
M: I hope it has not been too long and you have not suffered too much.  
C: It was really difficult to manage at first, but the pain was gone as soon as Amanda was put on me. It was such a wonderful, so magical moment.  
M: How is Amanda?  
It's very good. She is wise, and is already well awake.  
M: I can not wait to see her, I miss you so much. It's going to make it strange to come back and see her among us. Your mother saw it, I guess?  
C: Yes, she comes to see me every day, to see how I manage to manage but everything is really going well. Our daughter is really the prettiest little girl.  
M: How is she?  
C: My mother told me it was my double when I was a baby. At one detail.  
M: Which one?  
C: She inherited the beautiful blue eyes of her dad.  
M: She has my eyes?  
C: Oh yes. She's just perfect.

Claudia kept admiring her daughter at the same time as she was chatting with Michael. She had only one desire, which was that the latter be with her to share all the first moments of the birth of his daughter. Unfortunately, the army decided otherwise. The half-hour was up and Michael was already hanging up. It was with a sad heart that he hung up after giving his last advice to Claudia, and telling him that he loved her. For her part, Claudia really felt a huge void and hoped that this mission ended earlier than expected so that Michael could return quickly. It was very different, since she left the hospital and a me happened without news of Michael. She knew it, a large deployment of the US Army was to take place in Kuwait because things had gotten worse and Michael would be unreachable during all this time. Amanda grew at her own pace, became more and more awake, but still did not know her father, and Claudia thought it might affect her development. Amanda's pediatrician advised her to talk to him about her father, to put a picture in the little girl's room, so that this impression that it was present, be anchored in her so that when the soldiers returned, she know who he is. Claudia's mother also stayed with her daughter for a month. But it was decided that she could go back home because Claudia really handled the situation very well. However, the first night she was alone with her daughter, Claudia burst into tears. The situation was really difficult and she felt like she was being abandoned, and Michael might never come back. Black thoughts of this kind often came frightened and even wondered what she was doing on a military base with this military life she had not chosen. She often thought she was mistaken in thinking that having a child at age 23 was young, that was irresponsible on top of that knowing that the soldiers often left. After all, it was not the dream of her life and even began to regret the law school, her friends, her future that she had projected into her. She was just doing a baby blues. But two weeks later, something changed her way of thinking. Amanda caught a cold snap and was feverish for three nights before the drugs took effect. Claudia became so worried that she did not sleep and stay next to her daughter's bed. Nevertheless, Amanda could not sleep, feeling more than that, the stress of her mother. Claudia became stressed and did not know how to deal with this fear that appeared, that her daughter is really sick. The fever fell but Amanda continued not to sleep during the night. She did not sleep much during the day, which became tiring for her as much as for Claudia who knew that her baby needed to sleep. One night, as she was about to throw in the towel, she decided to spend more time with Amanda to reassure her. She took a plaid in which she put her daughter, then took her in his arms. She started talking to him and Amanda gradually stopped crying.

C - Go my heart, mom is here. I know you miss your dad. I miss him a lot too, but he'll be back soon, I promise you. You know, it's not because he's far away who's forgetting us. He loves us so much if you knew. He is present in your heart and we are in his.

Amanda had calmed down, and looked at her mother in the eyes. Claudia understood as her life, her dreams, all that was before her. Michael, his daughter, they were his life. She was a mom, a military woman and she saw that it was more than important for her. She thinks she does not want to change that for anything in the world.  
The days, the weeks passed, Amanda grew up, woke up, Claudia was gradually becoming aware of her role as a mother. She photographed Amanda, took it on video so that Michael could also enjoy the evolution of her daughter. Being a father thousands of miles away was not easy to manage. The end-of-year festivities arrived and it was around Amanda that they passed. Her grandparents were there, and greatly benefited from their little girl. Michael was able to connect to the webcam on Christmas Day so he too could take part in the festivities and especially to see his daughter who was now 2 months old who changed her eyes. His family was sorely missed, but the situation in Iraq was not about to get better. Indeed, Operation Desert Storm was prepared and launched on January 16, 1991. The period of combat continued and the return of the US Army was constantly pushed back. Everyone heard about April 1991, which saddened Michael most. He missed every day a little more the beginning of life of his daughter. He was waiting more and more impatiently for the moment when he might one day take her in his arms. Claudia was missing more and more. He understood then that despite his life in the army, his family life would be as important as, if not more important, and that he would have to be given a special place in the future. The month of February arrived. Nothing was improving in Iraq and Michael had to call Claudia every time, to explain that it would take a long time. On February 28, 1991, Claudia received a call, a call like no other, a call that would change her daily life.


	9. Love of a family

February 28, 1991

C: Lieutenant Michael Holden's residence, am I listening?  
M: Honey!  
C: Michael, honey, I could not wait to hear you again.  
M: Me too if you knew. How are you ? And how is Amanda?  
C: It's okay, everything is going well. I miss you terribly, but I can overcome it, especially for our little angel. Amanda is fine, she has grown well lately, the pediatrician was happy with last week's visit. Say she will soon be 5 months old.  
M: Time goes so fast.  
C: Oh yes, but not enough for you to come back.  
M: Exactly, I'm calling you about it.  
C: The date is still postponed? If this continues you will stay there really 2 years there.  
M: Not exactly, everything has settled faster than expected and some divisions have begun to withdraw from the country.  
C: Some divisions? That is to say ? And why not everyone?  
M: Let's say that the country must still be watched, the mission is not over. It was the General of the American Army who decided who was to stay. Those that will be most effective at reduced numbers if there is a problem, before the reinforcements arrive. All the others go home and ... I'm part of Claudia ... I'm going home!  
C: What ... what? You're coming home ?  
M: Yes sweatheart, I'm home, finally!

Claudia started crying. This news was unexpected and finally Michael was coming back, finally she could feel him take her in his arms, and especially finally, he was going to know his daughter.

C: It's such good news!  
M: Do not cry Claudia, on the contrary, we'll finally see each other again.  
C: These are tears of joy Michael, it's just great! When you come home ?  
M: Saturday, in three days. We heard the news last Saturday, but Monday was a worry in Kuwait that made us think that finally we would stay a little longer. But we got the confirmation an hour ago, we go back to the United States, Saturday!  
C: I can not wait to be there, quickly. Really you finally meet Amanda and you can finally take her in your arms.  
M: I've been dreaming about it for a long time but I only want to hug you so much I missed you.

The minute on the phone was over. Michael hangs up. As expected, Claudia had no phone calls until Saturday. It was the General of the base who gave them the time of arrival. The soldiers would land at 2:00 pm in Fort Hamilton. Claudia could unfortunately take Amanda to take her nap. She then warned Julia, a base soldier girl who offered babysitting services on the base, and who was very good with the children, so that she would come and keep Amanda. The long-awaited day arrived. Claudia felt her heart beating fast in her chest. She arrived on the tarmac of the airport around 13:30 where she saw a buffet and some military women already present. The place fills up quickly before the Base General arrives. A distant thud was heard, before the sky was still high, the planes bringing back the soldiers, to begin their descent. The airstrip was far from the hangar, so all the troops arrived on foot, in order of rank, before standing in front of the General of the base who welcomed the General of the division, so that the latter made a speech arrival. Claudia was looking right, left, but did not see Michael. There was the whole division on the tarmac so there were too many people to recognize the soldiers. Besides, she saw that the other women were waiting quietly, without stress, unlike her who just wanted to meet Michael. The speech began, however brief, and quickly summarized the action in Iraq. The General allowed the soldiers to break ranks and rejoin their families. There was a mass of soldiers moving at the same time in a very noisy crowd where there was laughter, shouting and welcome. Michael quickly saw Claudia looking for him, before falling into his blue eyes. Tears came to his eyes. When they saw each one, they hurried and they threw themselves into each other's arms. Claudia let her happiness shine through with tears of joy running down her cheeks. Michael closed his eyes but tears escaped his eyes.

M: I missed you so much, said Michael with a trembling voice.

They remained entwined with each other for a long time, before falling apart. They looked at each other smiling, happy to have found the other. They kissed tenderly before Michael reacted.

M: Where is Amanda?  
C: It's time for her nap, she's home and still sleeping.  
M: I can not wait to finally see her.

They smiled at each other and took each other's hands before leaving the airport. They did not leave each other all the way, and Michael was delighted to have finally returned home. Claudia opened the door quietly so as not to wake their daughter. Julia came to greet them and then left after Claudia paid for it. Michael and Claudia took each other in their arms again, happy to finally be together. Claudia took it by the hand and took it to Amanda's room, which they had prepared before Michael left. The bed was in the dim light and Claudia opened the curtains slightly. Michael leaned over the bed where his daughter, Amanda, was sleeping peacefully. He realized now that he was a father. His baby was there in front of him, a 5-month-old girl who was the result of his love with Claudia. The emotion was really strong and he could not help but let the tears flow. Claudia comes to embrace her with one arm. This long-awaited moment or Michael would finally discover his daughter unfolded before her eyes and she saw immediately all the love that Michael could already feel for their daughter. The latter gently placed one of his hands on the belly of his daughter or he could feel his heart beat and his breathing. He finally manages to speak.

M: My little heart. She is so beautiful. She looks so much like you.  
C: That's what Mother told me when I saw her the first time. But as I told you, she has your eyes.  
M: I can not wait to see it in my arms.  
C: Just now, you'll take care of it. It must be left now, otherwise it may wake up.

Michael reluctantly left the room. Claudia closed the curtains and the door delicately in order to curl up against her husband. Then everyone goes about their business. Michael undid his things, then let Claudia do the rest. However, after taking a shower and a coffee, he joined her in the bathroom where she was about to turn a machine. They discussed at length, accomplice as before, what had happened on the base during the absence of the soldiers. Their automatisms came back quickly and they found their little usual gestures and attentions. Michael had 10 days off before returning to work. However, he had a scheduled appointment with a psychologist to assess his psychological state after his return from Iraq, following what he could have lived. Michael went out for a walk to enjoy the tranquility that was on the base, and the calm that reigned there for the moment. When he returned, tears were heard. Claudia arrived from the kitchen.

C: It's time for a bottle. Come on, you'll take care of it.

Michael smiled back. He was finally going to be able to take his daughter in his arms. A moment more than expected and hope. They went to the room. Claudia opened the curtains and Amanda immediately calmed down, knowing that her mother would take her quickly. Claudia first took her in his arms. But she gave it to her father, who greeted him in his arms, full of emotion. Happy to finally have his little flea with him. Amanda looked at this illustrious stranger who was holding her and talking to him.

M: Hey my little heart. It's dad.  
C: Yes sweetie, look, it's your daddy who's here, he came back as mom had promised you.

Amanda looked at her mother when she heard her voice, and her eyes rested in her father's, whom she did not know for the moment. She began to cry and her eyes expressed rather fear. Michael gave Claudia her daughter immediately and left the room. Claudia heard the front door open and close. She then put herself in Michael's place and felt great sadness knowing that he had felt rejected by his daughter and not in his place for the moment among them three. Claudia calmed Amanda then took care of it as usual by giving her her bottle and changing it. She then placed it in her deckchair, waiting for Michael to return and then turned to the preparation of the evening dinner in the kitchen. About an hour later, Michael returned. As soon as she arrived, Claudia came to see him.

C: Michael, honey, how are you?  
M: I absolutely did not expect Amanda to react that way.  
C: I know, I'm sorry. I would have thought that since she heard you on the webcam, she would have recognized your voice, not to mention that you talked a lot to her while she was still in my belly. I would have liked this moment to be happy for you.  
M: Me too, he answered while sitting on the sofa, facing the lounger of his daughter.  
C: Do not worry, it will come, Claudia reassured him by coming to join him and taking his daughter on his lap.  
M: You know, I felt so guilty for not being with you at birth. A child is 2 and I have to assume my share of responsibilities to the end. I was happy but I was thousands of miles away from you two, and I felt a huge lack, a desire to come back home right away. I do not wish any future father to miss the birth of a child and his first months of life.  
C: Michael, you have to stop torturing your mind with that. It's over, you're back now you'll enjoy your daughter as she should and see her grow. Okay ? Claudia reassured her, putting her free hand on her husband's cheek.

She smiled at him then kissed him. Amanda was watching the man standing next to his mother, reacting when his parents kissed. As if he understood that it was indeed his father. However, everything was not easy for the little family. Michael put a hand on the legs of his daughter who giggled without crying. But when his father spoke to him, his deep voice scared her, she was ready to cry. Claudia anticipated and gave her her pacifier which was used to manage her daughter's crying fits during bad times. But each passing day was a small victory and Amanda did not cry anymore when her father addressed her or touched her hands, stomach or legs when she was in her mother's arms. Amanda was doing her nights, which allowed the whole family to rest properly. In the middle of the week, Michael went to his appointment at the psychologist's. It turned out that the fact of not being there at the time of the girl's birth, added to what he had lived in Iraq had somewhat returned. He had no Post Traumatic Syndrome but had to find his priorities as well as his family and moral tranquility in order to go rework in good conditions. The psychologist thought it best to postpone the day of recovery for Michael. It will not resume next week but Monday the one after. In order to give him time to find his place as a husband but especially a father in his family. When Michael came back that day, Claudia was glad to know that he would stay at home someday to enjoy his daughter. She also understood that he needed to have a deep discussion with him in order to take away the guilt he had in him, the stressful guilt that Amanda had to feel and therefore the reason she did not want to go to her father's arms. . Claudia started this conversation when they went to bed that evening.

C: I love you, just told Claudia turned to Michael who was watching her.  
M: I love you so much too. I never thought I would ever feel that way.  
C: Both of us, it was obvious, we met at the right moment, surely at the best moment of our respective lives.  
M: I have such a wonderful life at your side. These moments at the moment are wonderful and I enjoy every second spent with you and with Amanda, even if she still has a hard time accepting me in her life.  
C: Amanda knows you're his dad. You love it and it will never change. You just have to give yourself time.  
M: I know, but I waited so long for this moment, and finally it did not happen as I would have liked. I do not know why, I do not know what I did wrong.  
C: Oh no Michael, you did not do anything wrong. Simply, you've put unnecessary stress on yourself and I think Amanda must have felt it.  
M: How so?  
C: You told me yourself, you felt guilty and you feel guilty again for not being able to be present for his birth and for his first 5 months of life. You have suffered from that, it has saddened you, hurts. Sincerely I can not imagine a single second in your place, to know my baby as far from me, not to be able to take it, talk to him, give him kisses, cuddle, give him his bottle, I'll have the broken heart and that's what must have happened to you there too.

Claudia had touched Michael's fault. She saw the eyes of the latter fog following these words. There was a blank before his answer.

M: My heart is broken Claudia. I have this horrible thought that I am not really his father. She does not know me, I do not know her as my daughter. I did not think it could have reached me as much. It's all my fault and what I did wrong is not being there during the first months of his life.  
C: Honey, do not live in the past by asking yourself what you would have done better or not, but live in the present and in the future thinking of all that you will live with our daughter, what you go and teach him. Be aware of what a father represents for his daughter. Look with my father for the fusional relationship we have, this unfailing love for each other. The bond between a father and his daughter is something exceptional.  
M: But that link must exist.  
C: Michael, Amanda is your daughter, and you're her dad. She was born of our love, of this love so strong for each other that it would make us crazy so much we love each other.

Michael smiled at Claudia's words. It is true that their love was stronger than anything and this love will overcome this test.

C: Everything you feel, she feels it too. And even if it's a baby, if you're convinced that you're not a good father and you're not up to it, she'll be resentful that you're not someone she can have trust. That's why she reacts like that. When she is in my arms, she knows that nothing will happen to her, so you can touch her for the moment, whispering to her but she has not got used to your voice, how you take her, how to rock her . You have to learn all this, but she also learns to feel good with you too.  
M: You're probably right. I can not find other explanations. But I can not take my mind off the fact that I'm not the one I wanted to be and that I dreamed of being when I thought about those moments of living in Iraq. I can not find my bearings, to find you, and to be able to be a father at a time.  
C: That's why you have to take away that guilt, that stress, that will allow you to move forward and find all that. For me you are always the same, you have not changed, you just have to acclimate yourself to life on the basis, family life has three. Because you have left a family life as a couple and you find a family life as a couple with a baby. All this is hard to handle for you but it is done in stages.  
M: You're right. Amanda's life is just beginning and I have a lot of things to give her, to start with my love. It's my daughter and now that I'm here I must be present for her, and for you, as before. I do not have to feel sorry for myself, but to move on.  
C: Exactly. And once that has made its way in your head, everything will be better and everything will be unlocked starting with your relationship with your daughter. Even if it's just a baby, you missed him too, you know, as much as me. And it's so good to have you back home. And I just hope it will be for a long time.  
M: I hope so too. I love you Claudia, "said Michael, kissing Claudia tenderly.

They smiled and then took each other in their arms before falling asleep peacefully and quietly. The next day Michael got up in a good mood. He was determined to change things and to resume the course of his life. He accompanied Claudia to Amanda's room and he took his daughter first that day. He did not speak, it was Claudia who took it in by explaining to him that it was his father, that he had returned and that he was indeed there. Michael was still in awe of his daughter, whom he thought was beautiful, like his mother. He hoped internally that she would one day become a young woman like Claudia, as upright, as gentle, as sincere and as present in the life of her family. Amanda was fidgeting in Michael's arms, emitting typical sounds of a baby. However, as soon as Claudia went away to get her clothes and prepare her bottle, she immediately started crying. Michael gave her back to her mother and could have taken that as a failure, but he thought rather that even though he was next to Claudia, he held her in her arms without her crying, and that he it would only take a few days for her to feel confident and finally to be able to deal with it alone. Every day that went by, Claudia made sure that Michael could take care of it as much as possible so that mutual trust could set in quickly. Little by little Amanda realized that even if her mom was not around, nothing would happen to her since she was safe with her father. There remained, however, some anxiety and she never fell asleep in her arms, and did not want to stay there long. Michael's holidays were over and he had some doubts about going back to work without being able to trust his daughter, and fearing the future if Amanda would never accept it. However, the weekend before his return to training will solve everything. Indeed, in the night from Saturday to Sunday, while everyone was sleeping peacefully, Amanda suddenly began to cry in the middle of the night. Which woke Michael, but not Claudia. Wishing this to happen, Michael went to see what was going on in Amanda's room. She looked frightened and he concluded that she must have had a nightmare. He then took her in his arms and sat on the rocking chair. Amanda snuggled up against her father and Michael felt his daughter calm down. He spoke to her gently, reassuring her while stroking his back to calm him. Against all odds, Amanda falls asleep after a few minutes, reassured in the arms of her dad. Michael felt an immense happiness. Tears came to his eyes. His daughter had finally accepted him, and had trusted him. Claudia, who had woken up feeling a void at her side, arrived in Amanda's room and was very touched by the scene unfolding before her eyes. But her mom's instinct got the better of her as she wondered what had happened to get Michael up.

C: I was wondering where you had gone.  
M: Amanda was crying, so I came to see what was going on.  
C: She has fever?  
M: No, she must have had a nightmare or wake up with a start because she was frightened.  
C: I see she did not need me to go back to sleep, she found with a smile.

Michael could only smile back. Claudia kissed him before asking him to come back to bed.

C: She will not notice that you put her back in bed. She sleeps deeply now.  
M: I know, but I've been waiting for this moment so long.  
C: I know, do not wait too long anyway?  
M: Promised.

Claudia went back to bed. She was already asleep when Michael came back to sleep. The little family was now united and confident. For the greatest happiness of everyone. Michael went back to the training places the following Monday and the Holden family, resumed the usual pace of life, had a difference, there was now Amanda. Family life was turned entirely towards their daughter, so Claudia and Michael hardly took the time to meet for the good of their couple. They did not realize they were moving away slowly. Spring arrived, the summer quickly too. It was at this precise moment, when the days were longer, that Claudia noticed that she was seeing Michael less and less and that when he was at home, he was spending all his time with his daughter, just like her. , without paying attention to each other. She remembered their first posting on a military base, it had been almost the same thing and they had really suffered both. Unfortunately an incident was going to make everything come back as before and make it clear to Michael that Claudia also needed her presence and that for their sake they needed to take time for them. As the month of August approached, it was Michael who took care of Amanda and made her take a bath. At that moment, Amanda was tired and grumpy, her teeth were starting to grow, and she was starting to want to walk and talk. The pediatrician had told Claudia that the dental flare tired the children, they could have a fever, but that was not bad that you just had to be patient as it goes. That night, however, Michael called Claudia in the bathroom.

M: Claudia, can you come for a minute, please?  
C: What's going on? she asked her husband on arriving in the room.  
M: Look, he said pointing to Amanda.

The latter whimpered, and was very tired. She did not play with water as she used to, but sucked her thumb rubbing her eyes. His eyes were bright and his cheeks red.

C: It's nothing, do not worry. The pediatrician told me that his teeth were starting to grow. It was possible that she had a fever, red cheeks and that they were tired and grumpy.  
M: Are you sure? Because she looks really bad.  
C: Sure, I was bought a homeopathic treatment, I will give her with her meal tonight and she can sleep peacefully tonight.

At that moment, Michael's cell phone rang.

M: Excuse me, I have to answer.  
C: Go ahead, I'll take care of it.

Claudia took over and finished bathing her daughter. When she was done, Amanda snuggled against her mom. Claudia understood when she was really tired. She settled on the couch to give him her bottle. In fact, that night Amanda did not want any pots or soup. Claudia gave him only a bottle. She fell asleep quickly on her mother. Michael had just had bad news on the phone. He knew it would be a bombshell for Claudia and did it as if nothing had happened. Claudia had the habit that Michael would be disturbed at night on the phone for a matter that concerned the next day or week and therefore asked nothing of her husband. When he returned to the living room he saw his sleeping daughter snuggled against his mother.

M: She's already sleeping.  
C: She only wanted her baby bottle, nothing else and she fell asleep quickly. I put her some of her homeopathic treatment for dental flares, I think she will sleep well tonight. If tomorrow is not past I will take him to see the pediatrician.  
M: I do not like to see her sick.  
C: Me neither, but I think there's nothing to worry about, "she reassured Michael, getting up to go to bed with Amanda.  
M: If you say so, he replied, putting his hand on the back of his daughter and kissing her on the head.

Claudia went to bed with her daughter, then dined with Michael. Everyone went about their usual business and then went to bed after a quick kiss. In the night they were awakened by an unusual noise. Michael turned on the light and fell into his wife's eyes. They immediately understood where the noise came from and they stood up suddenly and found themselves in Amanda's room quickly. She was trying to cry but could hardly breathe. Michael and Claudia looked at each other and their eyes could be read in fear. Despite the night, the air was still warm enough because of the very high temperatures during the day. Claudia caught Amanda and they went to the base hospital as soon as possible. Amanda was admitted to pediatrics but neither Michael nor Claudia were allowed to enter the room where Amanda was being cared for. They were waiting in the hallway.

C: I do not understand, I was sure it was his teeth. I should have seen that something was wrong.  
M: Claudia, it's not your fault. You listened to what the pediatrician told you and as a mother you trusted him, as I did. You have nothing to reproach yourself with.  
C: A good mother must be able to see automatically what her child has.  
M: Claudia I'll stop you right now, you're a wonderful mom. Just taking care of Amanda for 4 months alone proves it. So take off his head right away, said Michael directly by taking her by the shoulder and leaving a kiss on her hair.

Claudia leaned against Michael, closing her eyes. She was tired and at that moment, only the comforting arms of Michael would be able to appease him. At that moment, they both felt a feeling almost indescribable. Being in each other's arms took away weight that they had had for some time. A weight made of accumulated stress, fatigue, loneliness. Michael felt a lack of Claudia. He understood that he had abandoned her for the benefit of their daughter. Time had passed and he had wanted to make up for the past four months without being able to even Amanda, without worrying about Claudia. He then thought of the phone call he had received a few hours ago and his heart broke. Again, this would cause immense stress within the family. He decided at first to be able to spend time with Claudia, just the two of them, to regain his confidence and his love, then to announce thereafter. For her part Claudia felt a well-being that only Michael could give him. She realized then that Michael had missed him. They then tightened their embrace. After two hours of observation, the doctor finally returned to both parents.

Mr: Mr and Mrs Holden.  
M: Yes we are here. So how's our daughter?  
Me: Better.  
C: That is to say?  
Me: Your daughter is actually having a dental flare, but she has had a strong fever. Very fast, for a baby of his age. She had a fever long enough during the early night and became dehydrated. There was no sequela however, she had difficulty breathing. So we put him under oxygen to help him catch his breath.  
C: What could I have done to avoid this?  
Me: Unfortunately it's happening during her sleep, and apart from watching her all night, you would not have seen it. But you did well to bring it to us directly.  
M: What will happen now?  
Me: It is under perfusion in order to be rehydrated, as well as under oxygen. We're keeping her under observation tonight and tomorrow to make sure she does not do something like that that could be much worse.  
C: Can we go see her?  
Me: For the moment, I do not prefer. She has fallen asleep and a nurse is watching over her, it is better that there is nobody in the room just in case. If something happens, we call you immediately.

Michael and Claudia then went home but were unable to sleep. When the sun rose, they were already up and were having breakfast. Michael was forced to go to work, despite the fear that gripped his daughter.

M: I have to go. Do you call me as soon as you're with her?  
C: It's promised.  
M: I was so scared last night. I hope she is fine this morning.  
C: I hope so too. You know Michael ... that fear that we both felt ... Claudia paused, looking away from Michael.  
M: Claudia, what's going on? he asked, taking Claudia by the chin and making her look at him.  
C: That fear felt, an indescribable fear ...  
M: Yes, well?  
C: That's what I felt during those 7 months you were gone, she told him with tears in her eyes.  
M: Honey, did not know what to say, Michael taking her in his arms. I am really sorry. I know this has been a difficult time for both of us. I just hope my next deployment does not happen quickly so I can enjoy you and Amanda. On top of that, I left you lately and missed you Claudia.  
C: I missed you too. Can we change her?  
M: Of course, we will meet each other, and enjoy each other from time to time without Amanda. It must be for us. In order for us to be good parents we first need to be a strong couple who love each other. I promise you that will change.

They tightened their embrace, then kissed tenderly before Michael went to work. Claudia went quickly to the hospital where she could finally find her daughter who was still watching the day. The nurse explained that Amanda was agitated and probably lost. She needed her mother to reassure her. What did Claudia do? The happiness of finding his daughter was felt. When Amanda heard her mother's voice, she calmed down but continued to suck her thumb, which meant a state of stress. His cheeks had a little pink, the fever had fallen in the night but had gone back in the morning. The little girl did not want to eat anything, which forced the medical team to probe her so that she could eat and let her infuse her so thatshe does not become dehydrated. Claudia was horrified to see so many wires and connections and asked if it was mandatory. The nurse replied that yes. Claudia immediately asked that everything be removed from Amanda since she herself would be able to give her her bottles and make her drink. The doctor did not fight against the mother of his patient, seeing that the latter was decided. When Amanda got rid of it, Claudia was able to take her in his arms. Amanda snuggled up against her mother and breathed a lot more quietly. Indeed, hearing the heartbeat of her mother, Amanda knew she was safe and fell asleep peacefully. The nurse left the bottles of water, and informed Claudia that she would bring Amanda's bottle to or she will have to eat. Amanda slept all morning on her mother and woke up only to claim food. She drank her bottle quietly which reassured the medical team. She also drank a bottle in the afternoon, which gave permission to let her go home. Michael was happy to see that his daughter had returned. He took care of it all evening, and took advantage of his presence. Once Amanda was asleep and in his room, he wanted to take advantage of his wife. They watched a film, entwined on the couch, then went to bed. Claudia told him the day at the hospital, how did Amanda behave. All the little family now together slept peacefully. However, during the night, Michael was awake. He went to the roomAmanda, where he noticed that her cheeks were relatively red, that she was very hot and that her eyes were very wet, filled with tears. This time, he did not let himself be overcome by emotion. He gave Amanda a bottle of water or had diluted her homeopathic treatment, then gave her a fresh bath to bring down the fever. What happened? Amanda's cheeks were still red, but she had no fever. Michael returned to his daughter's room and then took her against him to go back to sleep. The strong heat of the day gave the room a stifling air. Michael understood why Amanda reacted so. He went into the living room, and opened the window as well as the kitchen that was on the other side of the house. It'sthen lay on the couch taking care to take a small blanket. The current of air cooled the air of the house and allowed Amanda to fall asleep on the torso of her father. Michael also fell asleep on the couch, one hand on the back of his daughter. Michael was awakened two hours later by a freshness that had invaded the house. He then took the blanket and put it on him and consequently on Amanda. Both slept until the early morning. Claudia stood up, surprised not to see Michael by her side, nor her daughter in her room. She found them on the couch both. She woke Michael, who explained what had happened. The first two teeth of Amanda had finally appeared, which stopped these outbreaks of life then resumed its course among the Holden. Michael was coming back early in the evening, and they would happily call the baby sitter so they could both go out for dinner and enjoy their time together. Confidence was back and the little family had their balance back. Michael thought it was good to tell Claudia the news that would change their lives. Especially since he had new information. One evening he came in, and asked Claudia to sit next to thought it was good to tell Claudia the news that would change their lives. Especially since he had new information. One evening he came in, and asked Claudia to sit next to thought it was good to tell Claudia the news that would change their lives. Especially since he had new information. One evening he came in, and asked Claudia to sit next to him.

M: Claudia, listen, I do not have very good news to announce you. I knew it for some time but due to the worry with Amanda and what we were going through, I thought it necessary to wait before talking to you about it, especially since it was not safe.  
C: What's going on? Are you deployed?  
M: No, reassure yourself. No need in the world for a long time. I just received orders. The Fort Riley base in Kansas, needs a 1st Lieutenant. Therefore in a month we have to move.  
C: Are you still mutated? But you were there ...  
M: Two years. And in the army, staying two years at the same place is really a privilege, sincerely. It is only when we become a base general that we remain on this basis until the end of our career. Finally if the army does not decide otherwise, but it is rare that at the end of the career we are still mutated. For the moment we must follow the orders.

Claudia blamed it, especially since now there was Amanda. How could a little girl of almost 1 year old, react to this? Claudia was worried. Michael reassured her that the military children were adapting very well.

C: We got used to it here. I hope it will be the same there. Kansas is far from my parents.  
M: I know. I called them to explain them, we will go 10 days before our supposed departure. I took days of leave that I had this year and that I got from my past mission. So you can enjoy your family and Amanda from her grandparents. We will spend the last 4 days with my parents, then we will leave later.  
C: That sounds good to me. What city are we going to?  
M: It's Riley County. Small town very welcoming apparently. Especially since our arrival will be organized. The Fort Riley Support Group is aware of your coming and will welcome you accordingly. Medical records are transferred automatically. And we will have a bigger house. It is on two floors with 1 extra room, so an office / guest room.  
C: The main thing is that we will stay together. And that you are not deployed yet far from us.

Michael was delighted to see that Claudia was taking it as well. He thought then that everything would go again for the better, without any trouble. It was without thinking of Amanda. Indeed, the latter felt the commotion that the move brought in the family. All this quickly worried the little girl. Claudia noticed it quickly, since the latter was no longer progressing. She knew how to normally stand, but she was now moving on all fours, and she could not speak any more. She said only "mom" and "daddy", not wanting to make any effort. Michael took the initiative to take him to the pediatrician. Indeed, in 4 days, they went to the parents of Claudia and they wanted to know what was happening verdict fell quickly. Amanda, having felt the stress of her parents in the face of this new move, was feeling anguish. But the only moments she had spent serenely was between 6 and 9 months, when children do not talk, do not walk. According to her, returning to this stage of her short life reassured her and she thought that calm would also return to her parents. The pediatrician explained that Amanda would resume her habits once they are in a safe environment. Leaving at Claudia's parents might improve that. The Holden left Fort Hamilton with a twinge in their hearts since it was here that Amanda was born. When Claudia's parents arrived, she quickly found her naughty little could enjoy each person present and serenity returned to the family. Amanda began to babble and play, to the delight of her parents. It was when they saw their happy little daughter that a discussion came one evening while everyone was asleep.

C: Michael, I hope Amanda will get better.  
M: Do not worry, look how happy she is at your parents. She lives again. It will avoid him to relive this great upheaval during the development and everything will be fine.  
C: Say she's already going to be a year old in a few weeks.  
M: Time goes so fast. When I left she was not there yet. And now we live a happiness with her by our side. A child reconciles you with life.  
C: Exactly, did you think about ... having one day ... another child? dared to ask Claudia.

Michael turned his gaze to his wife. Amazed at this question.

M: I never thought about it. I did not think that took advantage of Amanda, and to be able to accompany it to the maximum in her child's life, to see her grow, to evolve. I never thought about this eventuality.  
C: Does that mean you will not want another child?  
M: No, by no means, just that I really did not think about it. Becoming a father the first time was something beautiful, magical, wonderful. To relive that if it gave me a day, would be a real gift if in addition I can be present at its birth. But Amanda is still small and I would like to take advantage of the fact that it is still a baby as long as possible. However, it is true that I would like to be a father again, and to be able to give him my love as to Amanda and you.  
C: You know, when you left, I doubted myself at some point. In my life, I did not think I could live up to it. I left behind me a life of lawyer, really different dreams, desires, which I have forgotten now, and which have changed; to be a military woman and have a life in the army. I had not prepared for everything to go so fast, our life together, the wedding, a baby. And my life as a woman or was she in all this. And one day that Amanda was sick, she was lying on me and I looked into her eyes. I realized that my dream was her, my life had been a military woman.  
M: These are touching words Claudia. In Iraq, I realized that my family was the most important to me. That you had to take care of it, and never forget what you build. Because it is our spouses who move us when we are far from you, as well as our children. So yes I would like to have another child. But not now.  
C: Let's say we have time to think about it. But I wanted to be reassured in case it happens by accident as for Amanda.  
M: A wonderful accident, a wonderful gift that was his birth. But it is true that a single child in military life is not beneficial, between brother and sister at least they help each other, play together.  
C: You're right. They feel less alone.  
M: Having said that having a large family turns out to be complicated when moving. This is why the military seldom have more than 3 children. But 2 looks good to me. You have to be able to take care of them and raise them, especially when the spouse is not at home. Now it is late, it would be necessary to sleep.  
C: Okay for 2, I'm fine, Claudia replied with a smile. Good night I love you.  
M: I love you too.

The stay at the Mead was soon over. Charlotte and Randall promised Claudia to visit her as often as possible at Fort Riley. They then spent some time with Michael's parents before going to Kansas and discovering the base that would be their new home. Fort Riley, located in Riley County. On this basis, they had a house a little bigger, with a floor and a room still more. As a result Amanda would have her own room, and a room could be used as a guest office / room. As expected, Michael quickly got back to work so Claudia took care of the layout in the house. She inquired at the nursery, and baby sitter potentially available on the base. She also went quickly to the Support Group,with Amanda in her arms, to get to know the new military women and know how this group works. No woman from the old base had moved here so she did not know anyone, but one of the women at the reception meeting was living in the house opposite. The latter, named Judith, came quickly to welcome Claudia and they met quickly. Life quickly resumed its course, as usual and as it could be on a basis. Claudia acclimatized quickly, just like Michael, who quickly agreed with his supervisor about his position. Amanda had gotten used to the place but remained anxious about a new room she did not know. Despite the efforts of his parents,she relapsed into difficulties before arriving at Fort Riley. It was discouraged that they began to worry, until the day when Michael's return, a surprise occurred before their eyes. Claudia came to kiss Michael like every time he came home. Michael then turned his gaze to his daughter who was sitting on the floor with her toys. Amanda made a beautiful smile to her father before helping himself to the table to stand up. Her parents were happy to see that Amanda was getting better and started walking to see her. But it was before the admiring eyes of her parents that Amanda took her first steps and walked towards them. Michael took her in his arms and covered her with kisses, just like her mother. Since that day,the whole family lived very serenely without any particular problem. Everything was going well for Michael in his work, as for Claudia at the level of the support group, as well as Amanda. Michael and Claudia lived in harmony and no more arguments had been pointed out. Nothing could have darkened this picture of happiness and joy. The year 1992 arrived quietly and for the first time, Michael could spend the holidays with his daughter, his family, Claudia. He was a happy man and Claudia could not imagine a better gift of life. However, the beginning of 1992 marked the beginning of anguish for the American army since some small civil conflicts engaged a non positive prognosis for the year to come. Michael obviously did not talk to Claudia because thewas arrived safely, nothing had been deplored in the world enough for the US military to be deployed. So Michael was sure he would not leave this year. However, the end of the year was much more problematic than he could have thought. Indeed, he was summoned with a few other men to explain to them that the United Nations had requested interventions from various countries in order to strengthen the peacekeeping arrangement in Somalia, where at the moment there were rather serious civil conflicts. The United States Army planned Operation Restore Hope and needed the best men for that. The division which would be deployed had already been chosen and they did notThey were not part of it, but they had to go to the Fort Irwin base in California, where the deployed division was in order to train it at best and to be there in support to best prepare it for this mission. Michael understood then that one year to the day almost after having arrived at Fort Riley, they should already have moved again. The latter was transferred, it was orders and he could not get around them. How to announce this to Claudia. He dreaded that moment and he was right. As much for Claudia as for Amanda. For the first time in their lives, a crisis broke out between Michael and Claudia. Their couple shattered and separation and divorce seemed be there in reinforcement to prepare it better for this mission. Michael understood then that one year to the day almost after having arrived at Fort Riley, they should already have moved again. The latter was transferred, it was orders and he could not get around them. How to announce this to Claudia. He dreaded that moment and he was right. As much for Claudia as for Amanda. For the first time in their lives, a crisis broke out between Michael and Claudia. Their couple shattered and separation and divorce seemed be there in reinforcement to prepare it better for this mission. Michael understood then that one year to the day almost after having arrived at Fort Riley, they should already have moved again. The latter was transferred, it was orders and he could not get around them. How to announce this to Claudia. He dreaded that moment and he was right. As much for Claudia as for Amanda. For the first time in their lives, a crisis broke out between Michael and Claudia. Their couple shattered and separation and divorce seemed dreaded that moment and he was right. As much for Claudia as for Amanda. For the first time in their lives, a crisis broke out between Michael and Claudia. Their couple shattered and separation and divorce seemed dreaded that moment and he was right. As much for Claudia as for Amanda. For the first time in their lives, a crisis broke out between Michael and Claudia. Their couple shattered and separation and divorce seemed inevitable.


	10. The flip side

September 1992

Michael came back that night with eyes full of fear, which Claudia saw right away.

C: Michael, what's going on?  
M: I have a bad news Claudia.  
C: No Michael, not that, not now. Amanda is not even 2 years old, you can not leave now.  
M: Claudia, I'm not deployed.  
How's that ? but ...  
M: The bad news is that we have to move again. We have to go to California in 1 month in Fort Irwin.

Claudia's eyes fill with anger. Michael's fears were amplified. He knew that would cause a difficult moment in his relationship. But he did not expect this crisis to become so important.

C: It's a joke?  
M: Claudia, you know very well that I'm never joking with that. I know that …

Claudia gave him a really negative look. She bent down to take Amanda in her arms, and out of the house. Michael saw her go by without understanding what she was doing. He saw her going to drop Amanda at Judith's, her friend who lived opposite and then come back. Claudia knew that an argument would break out, because there are so many things that she could not bear anymore and one day or another it would come out. So that Amanda does not attend to this kind of thing between her parents and in order to preserve her, she left her with her neighbor and friend. She returned home, where Michael was thoughtful and thoughtful. The tone went directly to Claudia. Michael was trying to temper things with a calm tone.

C: What's this story again? We moved last year already!  
M: I know honey, but I'm not for nothing. The needs of the army are accurate and when orders ...  
C: The army! Orders ! You only have those words in your mouth. It looks like there's only one that counts in your life for you.  
M: Claudia, you do not have the right to say that, he replied hurt. I love you with all my being and Amanda is what I have most beautiful with you on earth.  
C: It does not seem obvious to hear you, she replied with tears in her eyes that had appeared after the word, the statement, Michael.  
M: Claudia, honey, the situation in the world has deteriorated. The divisions will be deployed and men of my rank are already on the ground. But they needed the best men to be able to supervise the division at Fort Irwin and train it at best before its deployment. We should be happy about that, because the army trusts me and this shows that we are well seen within the latter.  
C: So what matters is that you are chosen? What are you becoming? And what about us ? Me, Amanda! We must still and always adapt. Do you remember what happened to Amanda last year? Do you want that to start again?

Claudia was crying while talking. This situation frightened her terribly, she was very concerned about her daughter. Their house was completely installed 2 months ago and she was tired of having to manage everything while Michael was working.  
M: The well-being of our daughter will always be important to me Claudia, and you know it.  
C: What I know is that we are not your family Michael. No, your family is the army, and we are your job!  
M: Claudia, it's ignoble what you just said, you can not ... he began to talk not holding Claudia by the arm, who wanted to leave.  
C: Let me go!

Claudia pulled her arm violently from Michael's hand, looking him straight in the eye and out. She burst into tears and set off on foot to get some fresh air and think. As for Michael it took him long minutes to understand what had happened. For the first time in his life, he was afraid of separation from Claudia. The latter not coming back, he worried. He went first to get his daughter, who was happy to see him. He looked after it as night fell on the base. Claudia still had not come home and wondered where she could be. He had Amanda dined, bathed and laid her down. It was time for him to go to sleep and Claudia still did not come back. He called on his phone, unsuccessfully, as with his friends, who received the same purpose. It was almost eleven when Claudia returned. Michael rushed downstairs.

M: Claudia I was worried, I thought something had happened to you. I phoned everywhere. You really scared me.

The latter did not answer, and went straight upstairs. Michael sighed, and went up quickly. Once in the room, he engaged the conversation again. Claudia was everything for him and being angry with her, having broken the dialogue, without being able to confide in her, it was difficult for him to manage.

M: Claudia please talk to me. You can tell me everything, I listen and I understand each of your words but I can not stand this silence between you and me. I need you my heart, and you know it.  
C: I know Michael. But to know that my life is run by the army, that I can not even decide where I want to live, with my family, I can not stand it anymore. This life I did not choose, but I accepted and wanted thereafter. The words of our beginnings to be said: the main thing is that we are together, no longer work Michael. Now there is Amanda, she is two years old and understands a lot of things. We can not do this kind of thing to him continually between moving and deploying. We will fall back into a behavior problem with her and I know in advance that she will not go well. And make him suffer that while we know it will not go, it's just horrible for me.  
M: It does not reassure me either, but we have no choice Claudia. The orders are the orders and if I go over I can be arrested and put in jail.  
C: In fact you ask me to choose between my daughter and my husband is that?  
M: No Claudia, it has nothing to do. You just have to know how to adapt to each situation and ...  
C: Do not try to embroider your words Michael! It is clear that I choose between the career of my husband and the well-being of my daughter. On this topic is closed, good night!

Claudia turned off the light and went to bed. Michael did the same. The situation worsened over the days at the Holden before reaching a difficult outcome for everyone. Indeed, Michael tried to talk to Claudia every night that always ended the same, and nobody wanted to get out of it. Amanda was beginning to suffer and seeing her parents tear up would not make any difference to the move. However, one night, the discussion ended badly enough and Claudia made that famous decision. Michael was lounging outside on the railing of the terrace. Claudia watched him for a long time. God that she loved this man but there life with him no longer suited him. At least that's what she thought. She went to talk to him saying that this was the last chance. His decision was made if it did not work.

C: Michael ...  
M: What is it? Michael asked, turning his head towards her.

In the moonlight, Claudia saw Michael's eyes shine. He was sad and bad for a few days. But she did not let her love take over her. Because she wanted only one thing, to take it in her arms. But that would not make the current situation better and only repel the unthinkable.

C: Listen I thought a lot.  
M: What?  
C: In this situation that there is since 1 week practically at home. It's not a life to live with a person you love but who you do not talk about except to make a commitment.  
M: Claudia we tried every night to solve ... we move forward, what do you want to do more?  
C: Try to understand, try to understand what drives you to give you body and soul for the army, and neglect your family.

Michael took his head in his hands a few seconds. His long-held anger would come out if he did not restrain himself. Indeed at every crisis with Claudia, he had never raised the tone of his voice, he had never shouted at him, he respected too much for that. But her body was fed up, her mind could not take it anymore. He answered Claudia in a strict and precise manner, which showed all his pain and his tiredness.

M: To enlist in arming it is to swear to respect the orders, the protocol. When you join the army, you commit to respect all that and obey orders! Can you understand that?  
C: I can actually understand it, but that does not answer my question!  
M: The army is the love for a country, ours in this case, to serve it, body and soul. When we train, it's to have the honor of being deployed and demonstrating our work in the field. If I am chosen in deployment it is because I will have the luck to be promoted in higher rank one day!  
C: Always you! We always come back to the same thing: you!  
M: Claudia, we're talking about my career there! My career includes my family! My family gets higher opportunities at the same time as I go up! Everything gets better with each new grade!  
C: So we're talking about material happiness Michael not family happiness! Who says promotion says more work, more meetings, longer deployments! Hello family life!  
M: Ok, I understand you do not want to move! So what do we do ? Because that does not lead us to anything at all!  
C: You ask the general of the base to review his orders because of family worries! You organize yourself so that we stay here at least a year so that Amanda has grown up and that it is easier for her!  
M: Claudia have orders! We do not discuss orders, otherwise I would be stuck as a deserter and put in jail! This is what you want ? I can not challenge army orders! Can you understand that? he shouted at her face.

A few years together, this is the first time Claudia has seen Michael get angry. He went back inside and slammed the door. Claudia stayed outside for a few minutes to digest what had happened. The situation was impossible, they needed time to manage each other to see if their life as a couple was still possible or not. She came home, and headed for the room where she saw Michael sitting on the end of the bed, his head in his hands, and tears running down his cheeks. This image split her heart but for her daughter, she had to move away from it some time later. She took a deep breath and started. She knew the news would be like a bomb to Michael.

C: Michael, it can not go on like this anymore. I made a decision.  
M: Which one? He asked, raising his head and looking straight into her eyes.  
C: I ... Claudia hesitated when she saw Michael's desperate look, but she ended up saying it. I leave a few days at my parents' house, I think that a temporary separation is the best for everyone.  
M: Separate? Claudia, are you kidding?  
C: Michael listens, the situation has become unmanageable. We became strangers to each other. It's been weeks since we had more moments of intimacy together, there is no more tenderness between us, no more moments of complicity. I can not stand him anymore. This is the best solution.  
M: Claudia, I need you, I can not do it without you, even if we do not talk anymore, your presence allows me to move forward every day as well as Amanda, we have to find another solution.  
C: No Michael, I will not give up. I'm taking Amanda with me, she'll be better away from all this turmoil, and her grandparents will pamper her as they usually do and it will do him good.  
M: Claudia, you can not separate me from my daughter. I already missed his first months ...  
C: You work the day, you're not going to put her in the manger and will get her back the night you'll only see her for two hours. In the morning you leave early, it's not a life for a two-year-old girl Michael.  
M: Promise me that you will come back and that the final decision will be taken together.  
C: It's promised. I know that before a move you have two weeks of vacation. I'm leaving tomorrow, I'll be back in a week, when you're on vacation. We will talk quietly and together decide our future okay?  
M: If you think that's the best solution ...

Everyone lay down with heavy hearts. The next day, Claudia went to her parents' house with Amanda. The latter was loading the car in front of the shattered look of Michael holding his daughter in his arms. The latter was against him, and held him by the neck. Michael loved his moments when he felt his daughter against him, where he smelled like baby. He closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy. Claudia called him to come and put Amanda in the car. What he did.

M: Do not worry my angel, you come back in a week with mom to see dad again. You're just going on vacation with grandma and grandpa and then you come back. I love you my little heart.  
C: It's time Michael.  
The latter closed the door. Claudia was starting to go around the car but Michael called out and grabbed her hand for her to turn around.

M: Claudia, wait.  
C: What is it?  
M: Promise me to call me if there is any problem with Amanda.  
C: It's promised.  
M: Same thing if it's about you. I care about you Claudia and I will not tolerate anything happening to you, okay?  
C: It's promised, Michael. Now I have to go.

Claudia was about to leave and let go of Michael's hand but he caught her one last time.

M: Claudia, wait.

The latter turned, the separation that had nothing to do with the army, it was as difficult as Michael. She looked at him without saying anything.

M: Please.

Claudia knew what he was referring to. That's why she smiled at him and let it go. Michael took his wife's head in his hands and admired him one last time before she left.

M: I love you Claudia, do not forget it.  
C: I love you too Michael, but we have to give ourselves some time to think so that we can save both our couple and our family.

Michael nodded. He kissed her fondly for long seconds. When he pulled away from her, she stroked his cheek one last time and got in the car. Michael watched the car go away with a big heart. It was Charlotte who warned him that they had both arrived. This week without the two women of his life at his side proved to be difficult. However, he wallowed himself in the work, and this week which contained many meeting passed quickly. He did not suspect that on Claudia's side, it turned out to be even more difficult. When she arrived at her parents' house, it was late at night and she immediately put Amanda to bed. She went to bed and went to sleep but the next day, at breakfast, her parents wanted to know what was going on and they talked until Amanda woke up.

A: Claudia Joy, honey, we realized something was going on with Michael, but tell us why you're here.  
Ch: Your father is right, we wonder a little what could happen given your complicity and love so merging.  
C: Exactly, maybe a little too much. We have forgotten what life was, its difficulties, its ups and downs. You know it's like two teenagers. It's all beautiful, brand new, but when you see who really is the other, well they separate.  
Ch: Wait Claudia, you got married, you got pregnant, and you wanted to keep Amanda. You managed to hold despite what may have happened, the moves, the deployment of Michael, and your couple came out stronger than ever. So here we have to explain.  
To Mom …  
C: Sorry, Amanda woke up, she'll be lost because she was already asleep when I slept her.

Randall and Charlotte watched their daughter go upstairs. For once they agreed about it, something was wrong and was not normal. They had to know it in order to be able to solve the problem. Claudia looked after Amanda. The day passed quickly. Sunday passed at the same speed. For Michael, these two days were the hardest to pass. Indeed, he was at the weekend and supposedly started preparing for the move with Claudia, but his wife was not there, he did not know what to do. He began, however, to do something with his own business. Sometimes anguish caught up with him and told him that maybe their relationship would not hold and divorce would be the best solution. But how to live without Claudia? It was impossible so much she was important to him. Fortunately, on Monday he could go to work and put his worries aside. At home, Claudia was silent. After dinner, Amanda lying down, her parents tried a new approach.

Ch: Claudia, you're not going to stay indefinitely mute. You rehash your worries that saddens you, we see it well. Amanda will eventually suffer, she will see that her mom is not well. So tell us!  
C: With Michael we screamed. That's fine with you?  
A: Claudia, in any couple there are shouting, that's not why the person goes back to his parents with his child every time that happens.  
C: It was getting unbearable. We never talked like that. And it lasted a week without any word, if only to try to fix things. But it always ended badly.  
R: At this point? What is the reason?  
C: Do you remember last year, when we had to move? Amanda really did not really live this situation.  
Ch: Yes she was upset, it's normal, a child at the dens, as soon as it is changed, it takes a little time to readjust.  
C: Last week, Michael announced that we still had to move.  
R: Here we are. And knowing you, you do not accept it.  
C: Sa has nothing to do with me dad, but with Amanda.  
Ch: Claudia, she's a military girl, she came into the world without her dad, you moved when you were pregnant, and when she was 1 year old. These children are used to this life. So you take the pretext of wanting to protect your daughter, which I understand but there is surely something that bothers you. I am wrong ?  
C: Maybe but ...

At this moment the phone rang. Charlotte dropped out and shut herself up in her husband's office. Randall reassured his daughter that an arrangement would be found and that he would help her, even though Claudia doubted it. Everyone regained his peace. Charlotte was in great conversation with someone who was none other than Michael.

Ch: Yes allo?  
M: Hello Charlotte.  
Ch: Michael. How are you ?  
M: Not very good. But I'm calling you to find out how Claudia and Amanda are doing.  
Ch: Amanda is fine, you do not have to worry. Regarding Claudia, she does not go well but it's because she loves you. She will not love you so much, she will not suffer like her Michael.  
M: I know, but it's all my fault.  
Ch: No, absolutely not. You have not managed to understand yourself and you keep in your feelings and your feelings about the situation, that is what to make things worse.  
M: You may be right. Listen, since I'm on vacation at the end of the week, my evenings are punctuated with meetings. It's only Thursday when I have nothing. I will call you back at the end of the week to get some news. I do not want to call Claudia. She will probably explain everything better than me and I prefer that it be she who does it.  
Ch: All right, I understand. I tell you on Thursday night then.  
M: Good night Charlotte.

Charlotte hung up. His daughter and son-in-law were suffering, each on their own while they loved each other more than anything. But before solving their problem of couple, it was necessary to solve those of Claudia. However, Amanda began to cry. Claudia joined her daughter.

C: What's up with my flea? She asked her daughter, taking her in his arms.

Amanda stopped crying a few minutes later.

C: Did you have a nightmare?  
A: No.  
C: So why are you crying my heart?  
A: Papa misses Amanda.  
C: Dad miss you honey ?  
A : Yes indeed.  
C: Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. But Daddy explained to you, we came a little holiday at grandpa and granny and we go back to see daddy soon. Okay ?  
A : Yes indeed.

Claudia laid Amanda down with a broken heart. His daughter was still suffering from this situation. She missed her daddy and she was responsible for it. She kissed her daughter one last time.

C: I love you my angel. Have nice dreams.

At this late hour, she could no longer think, so she went to bed. The following days, Claudia was locked in on herself and Amanda often told her grandparents that she missed her dad. Claudia had told Michael that they had to think on their own, but she had just realized that she had not thought about it, but that she had been on the contrary gnawing at herself. remembering all the wonderful moments she had with Michael. On Thursday night, as planned, Michael telephoned Charlotte. However, this phone call was going to succeed in changing Claudia's state of mind. As on Monday night, Charlotte shut herself up in Randall's office. Claudia, intrigued to see her mother lock herself up to phone, asked her father what it was.

C: Dad, why mom locks herself up to call. It's weird.  
A: I do not know Claudia, he pretends while he knew who it was.  
C: Monday night, mom did the same. Do you know who called?  
A: It seems to me that was one of her friends because next week is organized a meal with the neighbors, she had to settle some details.  
C: Ah, okay. I'm going to go to sleep, dad, I'm tired. See you tomorrow.  
A: See you tomorrow Claudia.

For her part, Charlotte was still on the phone with Michael.

M: Still no change?  
Ch: I think that Claudia has gone a long way in her head because we see that she is unhappy without you. In my opinion, the situation will be solved alone when she returns.  
M: And Amanda?  
Ch: I think she understood what was going on. Poor sweatheart.  
M: How so?  
Ch: She tells me quite often that she misses her dad a lot.  
M: Oh no, my poor little flea. Charlotte, it became very difficult for everyone, why Claudia did not come back?  
Ch: You know her Michael, when she does something and organizes it from beginning to end, she follows her organization to the letter. If she decided to return Saturday, she will return Saturday.

Claudia went down the hall at that moment. It's more than surprised that she heard Michael's name. She realized that her mother was on the phone with him. She thought it had to be really important because even though the relationship between Michael and his parents-in-law had really worked out, it was not the big love either. Knowing that Michael was confiding in his mother, she realized that something was happening. She went upstairs, knowing that a phone was there. She took it with her and sat down on her bed. She pressed the green button that opened the phone line. She stuck the phone to his ear and listened. What she heard there split her heart.

M: If you say so. This situation seems so improbable.  
Ch: Just like me Michael. Randall can not really understand. Claudia has not spoken to us since Monday night when she explained that it was when the move was announced that everything started.  
M: Yes, right away she told me that Amanda would still go very badly.  
Ch: Michael, honestly I think Claudia is hiding her feelings. Something angers, saddened but she does not dare to say what. Where do you have to move?  
M: In California, in Fort Irwin.  
Ch: It's far from California. Maybe because it takes us too far away from her and Amanda, she thinks she will not see us again, no matter what. But the plane exists and we can come to California in a very short time so I do not think that's the whole explanation but it can work.  
M: All I can tell you is that she told me that she came to your house to think, and that I should do the same on my side. When she comes back we would have a last discussion and we would take a solution that is either to separate and divorce, or to resume our lives knowing that in this case Claudia had to change completely because I do not do not know how she could change her mind.  
Ch: There must be a way you love yourself so much.  
M: I'll give my life for her, she's so important to me. She has become my world, quite simply, and I love her more than anything. It is true that life in the army is not simple but thanks to it everything has become more serene, softer. I know that when I come home from work, a family is waiting for me with moments of happiness as much with my wife as my daughter. I assure you Charlotte that this week has been more than difficult for me because coming back to our house alone, without anyone, without life, it's really hard.

At this moment, Claudia put the phone on her bed. Tears rolled down his face. Her words are the ones she could have said herself about Michael. He had become all his life, and thanks to him she had accepted life in the army and had managed to live this life happily, happily, knowing that this man she loved so much was by her side with Amanda. She picked up the phone again to hear the end of the conversation. She did not know then that it would be like a bomb.

Ch: I understand Michael. The only advice I have to give you would be to talk to her and manage to make her say what is so distressing that she left and came to us. She separated you from Amanda for a little while but I do not think that was the best solution as Amanda is not doing well at all. She loves her dad and she wants to be with him, it's clear and clean. So I think Claudia should have stayed home. Now, she made that decision, we all respect her, but it has to be used for something. So try to find out what she feels and really thinks about it.  
M: Yes maybe I missed something or did not succeed in decrypting something. Anyway it costs that it is necessary that one finds an arrangement.  
Ch: Indeed, especially since I think you have plans for the future. At least, that you had some.

Michael marked a blank, Claudia closed her eyes. Both thought of the same thing at the same time. Michael spoke again.

M: Yes, many. One of whom was to have another child.  
Ch: Oh Michael, this is a wonderful project. A child is life, joy, happiness. To want another child means that love is infallible between you.  
M: You must be right. I'll leave you Charlotte, it's getting late. Thank you for giving me news and advice. I will see Saturday what he has and what Claudia will have decided.

They wished each other good night and hung up. Claudia went to hang up the phone, and closed the door of her room. She began to cry, all the pain that flowed in her tears. She realized that even though there was a worry in their relationship right now, she could not sweep away all that they had built and what they had decided to build. In addition Amanda had to find her dad and Michael his daughter. A solution had to be found but for that, everyone should empty his bag and make others understand his words. Claudia waited for everyone to sleep and then got up. In Amanda's room, who slept peacefully, she prepared her bag and the clothes she would wear the next day. Back in her room, she packed her suitcase and prepared everything for her departure. The next morning around 8am, Claudia went down to lunch.

C: You were right, the situation needs to work out. For good or bad, but I can not leave my daughter in this state.  
A: I'm glad you changed your mind.  
C: Not changed, but I thought about it and thought that we have to tell ourselves what we think and feel right now. Maybe it will pierce the abscess, maybe we misunderstood each other. But we must talk to each other.  
Ch: I think this is the best solution indeed.  
C: As soon as Amanda is awake, we go back home. I will normally arrive by the time Michael finishes working. He will be happy to see his daughter again and Amanda to see her father again.

As expected, Claudia left shortly after. She stopped for lunch with Amanda at noon and took the opportunity to book a hotel room near the base. According to her, the situation will be settled only if everyone is in a neutral place, which is unfamiliar to them, and who will not remind them of their incessant disputes. She took the road quietly, since Amanda slept in the car all afternoon. She arrived around 6 pm at the base. She went home immediately, prepared a bag with things for Michael, put away the house, and left with Amanda. She knew that Michael was finishing up that night at 7:00 pm because of meeting and went to wait for him on the parking lot outside. When he left, Claudia warned his daughter to make her a surprise.

C: Amanda, honey, look, dad's coming.

When she saw her father, Amanda's eyes lit up. She saw him walking toward a friend's car, probably for him to bring him back. But she ran to her father, calling him.

To Dad !

Hearing these words, Michael turned around and saw his daughter running towards him. He stooped to greet her in his arms and hugged her.

M: Oh my baby, I missed you so much.

The latter had tears in his eyes. He saw Claudia, slightly distant, leaning against their car. He joined her then.

M: Claudia! I thought you were coming back tomorrow. I'll know, I'll be back sooner, I'm sorry.  
C: No, do not worry, I decided to come back today, she replied coldly enough.  
M: For what reason?  
C: The first is that Amanda asked you often. The second is that I thought and made a decision.  
M: Which one? Michael asked, fearing the answer.  
C: That it is impossible to make a decision each one of our side and to swing it in the figure afterwards, one is respected too much and ... one loves oneself too much for that. The best thing is that we both end up in a neutral place to talk, to tell each other what we feel, what we think, how we see things. And I think that the decision will come before our eyes alone and without hurting anyone if it turns out to be negative because it will be obvious.  
M: And if the opposite happens?  
C: Well that means it was just a couple shouting and that in the future we will have to find a way to deal with this kind of situation and avoid making things worse when we are disagree. But for the moment we do not know anything about it. We must clear up all that.  
M: I agree with you honey but what do you propose?  
C: I warned Judith, we leave Amanda at her house. It will be necessary to explain to him and certainly it will suffer from our small absence but if it is for the good of our couple and our family Michael, it is a risk I am ready to take. And I booked a hotel room for both, a neutral place, so that we can discuss serenely.  
M: I ... I do not really know what to say but ... well, that seems to me to be the best idea in store. Let's go.

Michael put Amanda back in her car seat and they headed for their neighbor. They both explained to Amanda that her dad and mom needed to meet again, and that they would come back to her very quickly. They would call him every day and they would not forget him. Amanda took her blankie and accepted the situation. Claudia and Michael headed to the hotel and entered their room. Claudia spoke first.

C: I took business over several days. Michael, we will not get out of here without making a decision. Okay ?  
M: Are we going to stay locked here?  
C: I want that when we go out we know what we have to do. And especially that we are sure of the decision that we will have taken.  
M: Very good.

These words cast a chill within the couple, who dined in silence, and who went to sleep relatively early, each in one of the two single beds in the room. But they knew that the next day would start serious things. Michael, as usual, was awake at dawn. But Claudia was still sleeping, so he lay there thinking about the day that had just started. Around 8am, Claudia out of his sleep. They ordered their breakfast. This moment had always been appreciated by everyone because it was a quiet moment where their complicity was perfect, where they would laugh, or just look at each other, where to talk about their respective day to come. Usually, it was a moment that allowed them to start a day in a positive day was different. Michael then chooses to speak.

M: I do not think hiding each one in his silence will make things happen. I do not know where to start or where to go but I'm going to ask you a question I've been thinking about for a few days.  
C: I'm listening to you.  
M: Claudia, have you been unhappy with me?

Claudia quickly turned her head to Michael, looking stunned, then calmly replied.

C: Why this question Michael? Of course not, never of life itself. I have always been very happy with you, otherwise we would not have Amanda.  
M: Let's say that lately I had the impression of the opposite.  
C: It is not because we are going through a bad spell that it means that I have been, or that I am unhappy. Otherwise the problem would be different. Michael, I sincerely think that the problem does not date from today and that it was a little more complicated than that.

Following these words, Claudia locked herself in the bathroom to prepare herself. Michael did the same and they later called their daughter at Judith's place to find out how she was doing. They had lunch and then settled on their bed to watch television. Michael found this unlikely. They find themselves here supposedly to explain themselves and find a solution, but they are quietly watching television. He took the remote control and turned it off.

C: What are you doing?  
M: Listen, it's not by watching TV quietly that we're going to solve our problem. We have to talk, so let's talk, even if it must end badly. So now you tell me why when I told you that we are going to move, you immediately get angry!  
C: How did you want me to react differently? We already moved a year ago, and Amanda has suffered enough to do it again! I find it really selfish on the part of the army to ask families to move around like this!  
M: Last year you did not do this kind of scene! You even took it!  
C: For me was the adventure. A life I did not know. When we were both, moving did not matter, I just wanted to be with you and nothing else. I was not aware of what the army meant to you, nor what could happen by marrying a soldier.  
M: So what now?  
C: When I got pregnant, I was very scared. Afraid because I was young, and I began to believe that the army did not deploy soldiers whose friends were pregnant. I then reassured myself, saying that I was right and that I will not be alone. Not only was I wrong but on top of that I was alone. Only when Amanda came into the world, alone to learn to become a mother, alone to manage the house, family life, alone when I made my baby blues, alone when I needed you to find me in safety in your arms, alone.  
M: Claudia, you knew it was a risk to take. When you told me you were pregnant, I told you that I wanted to keep the baby because I wanted to be a father. In the army there is never a good time to become parents because you never know when you leave, when you move. But you knew it, we had discussed it.  
C: I thought I knew it, I had convinced myself of the opposite, thinking that the army was a little more human than that. And you have been deployed. When I saw you go, my heart was torn. But what hurt me most was seeing you as badly as me when you said goodbye, and the next minute joking with your colleagues when you boarded the plane. I then understood that when a soldier goes on a mission, his family life remains at the base, because if he takes her with him, he risks being killed.  
M: No Claudia, I do not agree. We all had a picture of our wife, our children, and in this case, the pictures of the ultrasounds you sent me. Every night I thought of you, our little girl who was to come into the world without me. I was tired of not being there and you convinced me to take away this guilt because it was not my fault that we were separated at that time. Except now you've put that guilt in your face and you do not understand that it's not my fault either if we have to move!  
C: No Michael, what I told you I still think so. But did you ever imagine what I endured? The suffering that entails to see her husbandto go wondering whether or not he will come back!  
M: I felt the same thing, wondering whether or not I was going to see you again and worse, whether or not I would be able to meet Amanda one day. What I was most afraid of was of course not to come back and leave my wife alone and my fatherless daughter.

Claudia looked up at that moment. This is the first time Michael has told him about this. But she quickly refocused the discussion on their problem.

M: And yes, Claudia, the soldiers also have fears, anxieties, but they have to put them aside so that they do not get killed in combat.  
C: But our problem does not come here Michael.  
M: Where does he come from? Because here we left on a subject that has nothing to do because everything we have just said, we already knew.  
C: It comes from the fact that the army has nothing to do with what the families live. What are the others doing ? Because apparently the problem comes from me, I do not understand anything, I do not know but ...  
M: The others get used, get organized. It becomes a habit, a routine. And by force, it does not bother them to move, and adapts perfectly to their new environment in record time, just like their children.

Claudia sighed.

M: My answer does not suit you?  
C: Yes, so in my opinion the problem would come from me since I do not understand anythingis that ?!  
M: I never said that and I do not think the problem comes from you alone. He comes from us. That's all !

Until the evening, they discussed, but always came back to the same point: the army, the move, without trying to know what the other feels about the move, how he feels about the situation. Their problem did not advance. The next day was the same. But their discussion resumed at lunch.

C: Michael, I thought. We should start from the beginning and try to see where we fished.  
M: That is to say?

C: That is to say since our meeting.  
M: Our moments spent together in her first weeks were just wonderful. I do not see what can be wrong with that.  
C: If reflected, we could not do without each other, we were really very fusional.  
M: That's right, but I do not see what's wrong with that!  
C: It's completely at odds with the life of the army. We can not be so fusional when your husband leaves, when we have to move, etc. We loved each other, we loved each other, we wanted to live together, we wanted to get married and we wanted to have a child. Except that all this has undone what we built when we were dating. We lost his.  
M: I do not agree, we are very complicit, and there is a lot of tenderness between us. Our love is strong, and I think we love each other so much that we hurt each other. We expect too much from each other.  
C: Personally, I do not see what could be expected of each other too much. We expect love, tenderness, a presence, complicity, to be listened to, and to be there when we need the other. What every couple is waiting for.  
M: Think back to what you just said ... and you'll see there are things you can not always give.  
C: That is to say?  
M: Love is obvious, we love each other, as well as tenderness and complicity. But when I'm deployed, presence, being listened to, being there, I can not bring it to you. And you unconsciously want me.  
C: I ... maybe. I did not think about it in that sense. But in this case, how do you see it on your side?  
M: I'm expecting from you exactly the same thing, as well as being strong in my absence, knowing how to manage all alone on the basis of us. Except that I realize that I expect too much from you. Managing everything is already complicated and feeling the pressure of her husband must be morally difficult. Do you want me for that?  
C: A little, it's true. Now that you say it, I did not realize it but I wanted so much to be perfect in your eyes that I forgot my well being to me.  
M: I think our problem does not come from our meeting, from our marriage, but from the change my deployment has produced, from our feelings and from the way we have approached our return.

The end of the day was punctuated by their discussion of Michael's deployment. How each had felt, lived, what they had expected, or not, but also what the birth of Amanda had brought them each from their side and what it had produced on their state of mind. But nothing had solved the problem again. But Michael had noticed that Claudia always avoided going further in her words, and always came back to him. He understood that she was hiding something, a malaise that was to be the key to their problem. The next day was the third day they were locked in their hotel room trying to regain control of their lives. Michael persuaded himself to find what Claudia was hiding in her. For that, he confided in first and explained to him what had hurt him in the words that Claudia had already been able to tell him. That afternoon changed their lives forever.

M: Claudia, I think that if we do not want to stay here for weeks, we'll have to break the abscess.

Michael met Claudia's eyes. The latter immediately changed his expression. Michael understood that he was venturing on a dangerous path.

M: Ok we were inseparable, okay we're crazy about each other. So what? Would you rather be just friends?  
C: I do not know Michael, we're lost, we have to find our minds.  
M: I know, and I'm sure, that the problem started with the announcement of the move, which has awakened something in you that I can not explain.  
C: Anything! You are completely wrong!  
M: I doubt it, considering what you could throw me in the face!

C : What ? I never said anything wrong, just my thought!  
M: Was it your thought to tell me that you did not count for me but that only the army was important to me? Was it your thought to tell me that you were no longer my family and that you were just a job for my, that my family had the army?

Claudia experiences anger in Michael's eyes as well as a lot of suffering. She did not remember being able to say her words. She was shocked by the announcement of Michael's mutation, and that's how she felt that drove him to say that sort of thing. She realized that she might have gone too far, and that she had to tell Michael how she felt and what made her say that.

C: Michael I'm really sorry if I hurt you but that's what I thought, sincerely. Because do you imagine for a single second what I live on a daily basis?  
M: Claudia of course! I live the same but on the side of the army!  
C: And you do not mind the army leading our lives? No, because if we are arguing here it's still because of the army!  
M: We will come back to what we said from the start but you can understand that I'm not for nothing?  
C: Dare tell me right in the eyes that you can not do anything, but I do not believe for a moment! We are families, human beings!  
M: I look you right in the eyes Claudia and I tell you that indeed I can not do anything! When we got together, I explained all that to you! You knew it ! So why are you reacting like that?  
C: Between knowing and living there is a big difference!  
M: So why wait 4 years to say it? Because the moves we have already experienced, I have already been deployed and that is what awaits us almost all our lives! And you know it, so why are you making a scene for me right now?  
C: Because there is Amanda, that we are only two and that our choices have consequences for her!  
M: Stop Claudia, you know very well as well as me that for the last move she adapted very quickly to her new environment! Yes she will change house! So what ?  
C: This is still a baby Michael! She is only 2 years old! How do you think she will experience these events each time? Knowing his dad left, having to change house every year!  
M: You know very well that the moves are done every 3 or 4 years normally! At the beginning of a career it is normal because we must be assigned for good to a unit, a base! So it's not an excuse! Because you think that if you divorce, that I'm in California, and that you and Amanda are next to your parents, Amanda will be better?  
C:She will have a stable place and ...  
M: Stable? Do you speak with her father for miles she would only see once or twice a year? That's what you call stable? Knowing that these parents do not love each other anymore, do not get along anymore, do you think she'll be happier? It will be exactly the same as a deployment except that it will be constant!

Claudia paused. She had not seen things this way. Everything was getting worse, she wanted it to stop, and wanted to stop tearing herself like that with the man she loved.

C: What difference will it make huh? Anyway, his father will not be here!  
M: The difference Claudia, is that if we stay a family, and I go on deployment, her father may not be there but she will know that her parents love each other and that her father loves her more than anything . The phone exists, and I will never be far from it since you will always be in my heart. I do not think that knowing that her parents are tearing in the middle of a divorce, helps a child to get better!  
C: Can you understand that this life is difficult to live? How do you think you feel when you're gone?  
M: In the same way that I feel myself! We feel a huge lack! Our love for the other is increased tenfold, we dream of it at night, our heart is ready to explode. Fortunately the mission prevents us from thinking about the day but the evening is difficult to live every day because we think, our families, our children, and as we are also human beings, we cry! How do you think I reacted when I heard of Amanda's birth? I was in front of my superior, and the next second I was in tears in my tent! The situation is hard to manage for you here but if you make a mistake in your planning, you forget a few things while shopping, it does not have too much impact on the everyday life, on our family! If we make a mistake,where we forget a key point in a mission, it can cost us our lives! So yes, sometimes you may feel that you are being forgotten, that you are more concerned about the army than about our families! But it is precisely not to break this family! Imagine yourself ringing at home, the government men in a white car are there and tell you that your husband has just been killed in action and will never come home! This is because he made a mistake of manipulation or management because he is too preoccupied by what is happening for his family that by what happens on the ground! Do not you think that you would have preferred that he does not think of you, but that he succeeds in his mission, that he is alive and that hehe goes home as planned and he finds his family he loves so much!

Claudia listened to Michael like a robot. Her mind was already elsewhere and she imagined what Michael had just described. She saw herself in front of her men who told her that Michael had died in battle and that he would not come back alive from his mission, but in a coffin. She felt anguish, she had trouble breathing. Michael saw that something was happening and sat him down on a bed and tried to pull her out of her torpor. He called her, shaking her a little. The latter returned to reality and saw the face of her husband in front of his looking at her. She burst into tears. Michael sat opposite her on the other bed and waited a few moments before speaking again.

M: So now you explain to me what's going on in your head and your mind, because I think the answer to our question is you who holds it.

Claudia raised her head, one hand in front of her mouth. Her eyes were elsewhere, she was lost. Tears were still rolling on his face. She caught her breath and found Michael's eyes. She was still crying, but answered her husband.

C: I'm really sorry for telling you all these horrors. What I said, I did not think so. Simply, I blamed you for what I have been feeling for some time.  
M: I will accept your excuses only if you tell me what has been going on for so long.  
C: Michael, I feel like I do not exist anymore.  
M:Do not exist anymore? What do you mean ?  
C: No longer having control of my own life.

Michael frowned. Where did Claudia come from?

C: I'm just a pawn for you, a toy.  
M: Sorry?

Michael could not believe it. How could Claudia imagine that?

C: Think. I'm here just to make you feel good when you're having trouble with your job. You're hitting I do not know how many hours a week, for the army. And you just take a few hours of good time with us before leaving. We are obliged to follow you when you are transferred, you are deployed, no matter the family situation and the worries that there may be, they just want their quota, their numbers of soldiers on their bases or in the field. The families, we are only pawns that we move as they wish because the soldier in question must leave, or pieces that are abandoned when the soldier goes on deployment. We play with us, with our feelings, our nerves, our sensitivity ... we play with our life.

What Claudia had just revealed to him broke her heart. But why did she keep this so long.

M: Lord!

Michael put his head in his hands. He blew a blow to swallow what Claudia had just said.

C: The army is the cause of all this but subconsciously you do the same thing with me, with Amanda.  
M: Wait wait wait ... Claudia, never in life, you hear me, never in life I would consider you as an object or a toy. It's totally unthinkable to hear her. Why did not you tell me about it before? I remember once you felt helpless, and that was remedied because you told me about it. Why did you keep her for yourself?  
C: I do not know ... But before I did not realize, now I live the life of the army. A family turns out to be a little soldier when the husband is enlisted. And thinking, I understood. And I do not know if I could bear living his whole life.  
M: Honey, I'm sorry to make you live this. I thought you got used to it. Apparently this is not the case yet. But we will do everything so that it is the case and that you do not feel more so. I love you with all my heart Claudia. Yes we are married, yes you are my wife, but for me you are much more than that. You are a pillar in my life. You are my worlds, thanks to you I'm in a bubble of happiness when I come home, a bubble that I would like to have all the time with me. If you knew how important you are to me. So never in life will I take you for a pawn or a toy. I love you too much and I respect you too much for that, all right?

Claudia nodded. As if dreading the rest of the conversation, she got up to take a shower. Indeed, their discussion had lasted all afternoon and the sun was already setting in the sky. Michael took his place when it was released. When he left in his turn, he saw her at the window of the room, looking at the horizon. She shuddered. He then surrounded her with lime and comforting arms. He put his head in Claudia's neck, inhaled the smell he loved so much, and resumed the conversation, simply because he needed an answer. Claudia felt Michael's heart pounding against her, she felt like love, a lot of love. This encouraged him to confide a little more.

M: Claudia, do you really want us to separate and divorce? Because believe me it's really the last thing I want in this world.  
C: No Michael, of course not. But for love, to live this constant suffering, it is not a life Michael either. You can understand ?  
M: Of course I can understand it. Would there be a solution so that you do not feel this anymore?  
C: Michael, I know you have nothing to do with the orders given to you and if we tell you that you are mutated, you have to go somewhere else and go where you are told to go . I understand it and I am aware of it, but if, as you tell me, I am so important to you, why do not I feel so much loved?  
M: Do you think I do not love you and what I told you is wrong?  
C: No, but having the impression of being abandoned, and above all, the love you have for me is second to none after the love you have for the army.

Michael dropped Claudia. How could he have missed his wife's ill-being? He blamed himself and knew that it was all his fault.

M: It's all my fault.  
C: Why are you saying that?  
M: Because I did not know that you were going wrong and because of me we are in a situation that should not exist. I feel guilty for showing you that from me when it's different.  
C: What do you mean by that?  
M: That it's not a story to go first or second. Claudia, yes I love my country and yes I appreciate the army for what it brings me and for what I can bring to my country. I have a role to play in helping my country but my best role is to be a husband and a father. My family is what keeps me busy on a daily basis. To tell you everything, I had to graduate from West Point and go to teaching. To become a teacher because even if I loved the army and the future it gave me, I could not see anything else that could bring to my life the happiness of living it. You see this little something that makes you want to get up in the morning, and that makes you smile just by thinking about it,this little something for which your heart is low. And that little something is actually this person I met who showed me the way I had to take because I knew that with this person, everything would be simpler, and that my life will be that happiness. You were Claudia. I can not live without you. And ...

Michael paused. He knew that this last sentence he meant was a risk for his career but between losing his career and Claudia, he still preferred to leave the army.

M: And if you feel that I have to choose between the army and my family. I am finishing my last two years in the army and I will not re-engage.  
C: You would be willing to sacrifice your career in the army for me ... reacts Claudia.  
M: You said that you wanted to feel loved and despite all that I can do for you and that was not enough, if it is this proof of love that you expect, I am ready to give it to you . But I still think that the most beautiful proof of love that we made each other is the birth of Amanda. Therefore, our desire to have a second child is a new proof of love. Because if I understand correctly what you feel is present for quite some time in you, except that our desire to have a second child does not date from so long. And if you had that desire as much as me, it is that we love each other, that we want to be happy and succeed in our beautiful life that we build ourselves day after day.

Claudia had just remembered this discussion a few weeks ago. She wanted to have a second child with Michael. He was right, their love that day had been stronger than the pain she could feel. She then went to Michael and snuggled against him.

C: You're probably right, but I do not know if I'll be strong enough to get there.  
M: You will be, because I promise you that I will never let you feel that way again. I will make you feel loved every day, every hour, every minute, every second. Claudia, we just finished the abscess, but there is still work to be done on ourselves so that this situation does not come back within our couple.  
C: I love you Michael.

These words touched Michael to the highest degree. As much as when he heard these words the first time by Claudia. He took it from him and took his head in his hands. He stared into her eyes. One could read there all the affection, all the love, all the feelings and all the tenderness which they felt for each other.

M: I love you too Claudia.

At that moment, gestures and feelings were stronger than words. They kissed with passion. Everyone had hoped for that moment when they would meet again, never knowing if it would happen. That night was mixed with passion, love, tenderness. They found themselves as he had never imagined. Each finding the smell of the skin of the other, the arms of the other. The next day as the sun rose over the city, they slept entwined with each other. On their faces could be read serenity, happiness. They had therefore decided to continue their life together, the opposite being unthinkable for each of them. It's nice to have found that they left the hotel to pick up Amanda. They were so happy to see her again,just like her, who threw herself into her father's arms. The first thing they did on their way home was to give their daughter a big hug together. They were once again a family, and they would do everything to stay forever. Michael and Claudia, however, knew that a final discussion was to take place in order to close for good this bad past in which they had been for almost a month. They might have thought that life was going to spare them for a while. He did not know that new events were going to mess up their lives, their families. But it is united that they confronted were once again a family, and they would do everything to stay forever. Michael and Claudia, however, knew that a final discussion was to take place in order to close for good this bad past in which they had been for almost a month. They might have thought that life was going to spare them for a while. He did not know that new events were going to mess up their lives, their families. But it is united that they confronted were once again a family, and they would do everything to stay forever. Michael and Claudia, however, knew that a final discussion was to take place in order to close for good this bad past in which they had been for almost a month. They might have thought that life was going to spare them for a while. He did not know that new events were going to mess up their lives, their families. But it is united that they confronted unaware that new events were shaking up their lives, their families. But it is united that they confronted unaware that new events were shaking up their lives, their families. But it is united that they confronted that.


	11. A love stronger than anything

October 1992

It was in early October, shortly before Amanda's birthday, that the Holden family moved to California to Fort Irwin. The inspection of their house was done quickly and everything was ready for their departure. Everything happened so quickly that they had not had time to talk about this whole thing again to put that behind them. However, a small incident came to change their plan. Indeed, Michael was summoned to his superior the day before leaving Fort Riley. He found it weird but reassured himself and went to his summons. When he came out he had a pale complexion. Claudia, who wanted to surprise him, came looking for him. She knew immediately that something was wrong.

C: Michael, how are you?  
M: Claudia, honey! What are you doing here ?  
C: I wanted to surprise you to come looking. Are you sure you're ok ?  
M: Listen, let's go back, I need to talk to you.  
C: You scare me Michael.  
M: No, there is no what but I will explain everything to you at home.

They returned home where only the military furniture belonging to the base remained. Amanda was at Judith's place. Michael sat on the steps in front of the house. Claudia stood beside him.

M: The general summoned me because there is a change in my orders.  
C: A change? That is to say ?  
M: That is, I am actually assigned to the Fort Irwin base as I explained to you but only for a period of 3 weeks.  
C: Three weeks? But how it is possible, it's completely improbable.  
M: In fact, their superior has been asked urgently on the ground, so they need a 1st Lieutenant, but their division must be deployed fairly quickly and instead of being in December, they will be deployed at the end of October. So they only need me until the end of October since they will find their superior in Somalia.  
C: But three weeks is nothing! They provide a house for a family for three weeks?  
M: No, that's the problem. Well, let's say yes he could but it would mean that we go to Fort Irwin and in three weeks we go to another base.  
What is it ? It does not make any sense !  
M: I actually did not find it so wise. Unfortunately we have no choice.  
C: I will not manage everything Michael, it is not possible. It is clear that I can not imagine doing my life without you. But it is also clear that I will not be able to stand her again.  
M: So I thought and asked the general if he knew where would be sent after. He told me that I will be transferred to Fort Lewis, Washington, to Pierce, specifically.  
C: It's the opposite of California that. They realize what they do sometimes in the army or?  
M: He also told me that a house was already waiting for us there. So I thought of a solution that would really not make too much trouble for Amanda and that you would manage only a move and all that flows on the new base.  
C: Which one?  
M: We're moving to Fort Lewis this weekend. We leave immediately to have time to settle down with Amanda. I'm going to Fort Irwin on Sunday for three weeks, and I'm coming back to Fort Lewis.  
What is it ? Do you want to be separated? Michael, we just found each other, it's unthinkable. Think about Amanda, she's going to ask you and it's going to be very difficult for her ... as for me.  
M: I know Claudia. But I think it's best to avoid doing this whole shake up. That is to say, go to a house for three weeks, then come back to a new one afterwards. Even if we will be together, in my opinion I will not have much time to devote to you. Three weeks is nothing at all compared to a deployment. I do what I have to do, I join you there and we continue our little life quietly.  
C: Indeed, if we take into account the welfare of Amanda is the best solution. But I can not be separated from you.  
M: Me too, I'm having trouble, honey. But we must gradually get used because it will happen one day or I will have a deployment on the long term, that is to say, 2 years maximum. Three weeks in a life is nothing. Will we get there?

Claudia nodded and snuggled against Michael. Decidedly, she did not really like the army. As expected, they went to Fort Lewis, Pierce. They quickly moved in the little house assigned to them. Everything was not put in the house, but the most important thing was there. The rest, Michael would help Claudia to install him on his return. Everything was done quickly, from handing over the keys to buying some furniture. Two days later, on Sunday, Michael left for Fort Irwin. Claudia knew it was only for work, it was safe because it was on a base in the country. This departure was nevertheless difficult, the separation being still badly lived for them two. Amanda quickly got used to their new home. Claudia took this as a positive point. She inquired with the support group and was able to integrate it quickly. The Fort Lewis base had a crib, which allowed him to put Amanda there from time to time to get him used to contacting other children and to go shopping and attend group meetings when there were. Michael phoned him every night and told him that everything was fine. The three weeks passed quickly and Michael was back in Fort Lewis. That day, Claudia was waiting at the airport alone. Amanda was at the nursery, and it was decided that she would pick her up with Michael. When she saw Michael arrive, Claudia threw herself into his arms. It had been a few days since she was more sensitive and she could cry for not much. She had tears in her eyes, and they stayed for a while embracing before leaving and going to get Amanda. Seeing his father, the little girl's face lit up. Michael found that she had changed and grew up. She looked a lot like her mother, the same face, the same hair, the same morphology, the same character and the same behavior. Only his blue eyes testified to Michael's paternity. They returned home quickly because in early November, the cold had already arrived. Life then resumed for the little family until the day or mid-November, a little something came to capsize again. Claudia was tired and a little sick. Just one night there was a little incident. Michael was coming back from work as usual around 5pm. When he returned, he noticed that something was wrong.

M: Good evening sweatheart, said Michael coming home and seeing Claudia sitting on the couch, playing with Amanda.  
C: Michael! You had a good day ? she replied before kissing her.  
M: Yes and you? Michael settled down beside him.  
C: The routine as usual.  
M: Claudia, are you sure that's okay?  
C: I'm a little tired, but nothing more.  
M: You have bright eyes, and kissing you I found that you were hot.  
C: It's true that I have a bit of a headache, but I think I had to catch a nasty cold. Besides, I'm going to take a stamp because it has got a little worse since earlier.

Claudia got up but she was hardly on her legs, she wobbled and fainted in Michael's arms.

M: Claudia! Claudia! Claudia, answer me please.  
A: Dad, why does not mom answer?  
M: Do not worry my angel, mom is tired, but everything is fine, all right.

Michael stretched Claudia on the couch, then took Amanda to his room where he put it in the middle of his toys. The little girl did not take care of the rest anymore and was focused on her dolls. Michael went back to Claudia and called a doctor. When the latter arrived, they moved Claudia to their room. The doctor examined Claudia, but Amanda called her father, so he went to look after her. He gave her a bath. When he came back, the doctor came out of the room closing the door.

M: So doctor?  
Dr: Your wife is extremely tired. In winter, the body shrinks and you quickly get sick. However, this great fatigue is not the cause of a cold, but something else. I leave it to your wife to announce the thing herself. However, I gave her a dose of calm to relax her and she fell asleep well.  
M: Is it serious?  
Dr: I do not think so but it will be up to you to judge.  
A: Dad, sick mom?  
M: Yes sweetie but do not worry, mom will be fine now that the doctor is gone. Thank you Doctor.  
Dr: Good evening.  
M: Goodbye.

Michael closed the door. He opened the one in his room and saw Claudia sleep deeply. He did not wake her up and looked after Amanda. The next day she was still asleep when he went to work. He put Amanda down at the nursery. He still did not know what Claudia had and that worried him. Even though the doctor had told him that it was not usually serious, everything went through his head. For her part, Claudia had been shocked by the news. Thinking about how to tell Michael, she immediately started crying. She bit her mind all day to find a solution. There were none. Or at least, if there was one, she had to be taken with Michael. She went to pick up Amanda in the late afternoon, then returned directly after going to the pharmacy. The test confirmed the doctor's diagnosis. When Michael returned, he was delighted to see her standing up. He found her tired, however.

M: Honey!

He took her in his arms and kissed him tenderly.

M: You made me one of his fears last night.  
C: I'm sorry.  
M: No, do not apologize, you're exhausted right now, just get some rest.  
C: You're right.

Michael did not want to tackle the problem now, so he waited until they had dinner and Amanda was in bed. When Claudia came back to put the kitchen away, Michael called her on the couch. He wanted to talk again about their bad pass so that Claudia feels completely relieved and confident, before announcing this news.

M: I just wanted to get back in a brief way, on our bad time to both of us.

Claudia nodded.

M: We did not have time to talk about it again, but I think we have to put things back on track.  
C: Yes, you're right.  
M: Do you feel better already compared to where you still have questions?  
C: Michael, you reassured me, ok and everything you live, we live together so no I have no question.  
M: We need to understand you and me that the most important thing now in our relationship is dialogue, okay? Its very important.  
C: I agree with that Michael. We need to listen more, to talk more.  
M: Exactly, then, if you feel an ache, a pain, something is wrong, promise to tell me about it immediately.  
C: Ok, it's promised. But when you come home tired, I do not want to disturb you.  
M: That's not an excuse, honey. Once we are in bed, instead of reading each other on our side, we speak and there I am able to listen to you.  
C: Okay. Is this also valid for you?  
M: That is to say?  
C: That is to say, that as soon as there is news, whether good or bad, in relation to you, your orders, the army, our family, I want to be kept informed on same day you know it.  
M: I promise to tell you everything.  
C: Concerning me, I will not get angry anymore and we can talk calmly. I realized that my behavior only made my pain worse and that it was because of me that we had arrived there.  
M: We're not going to go back on that but we were both at fault, okay? And we solved both, together the problem. Besides, I would like to establish a little pact both.  
C: A pact?  
M: We promise never to lie, and always say everything, even if the words must make us suffer or on the contrary make us smile. We need communication in our relationship remains in place.  
C: I promise you.

They smiled at each other, then kissed each other. They were reconciled for good and nothing could now bring them back to such a crisis. Claudia got up to tidy the kitchen, Michael meanwhile began to read on the couch. Amanda slept deeply, and everything was calm in the house. When Claudia was finished, she went to take a shower. Michael did the same. He found her afterwards drinking in the kitchen, before going to sleep. When she met Michael's eyes, Claudia thought back to their discussion and felt compelled to tell him this news.

C: Michael ...  
M: Yes sweatheart?  
C: I need to talk to you.  
M: I'm listening, what's wrong?  
C: When the doctor examined me, he found the source of my discomfort.  
M: Yes he told me that it was the cause of your fatigue too, but he did not want to tell me why.  
C: Because I asked him not to tell you anything, I wanted to tell you the news myself.  
M: There is no problem, I'm listening.

Claudia remained standing, facing him. She was immersed in her eyes, which melted every time, while searching for her words.

C: I ... I do not know how to tell you, but ...  
M: Listen Claudia, I can hear everything ok, we all overcome, we promised, so do not procrastinate and go ahead, talk to me.  
C: Ok ... so ... first of all, I know it's not the right time, again. Even if in the army nothing happens at the right time. I'm scared, I'm scared Michael.

Michael saw Claudia's eyes fill with tears. The latter did not take long to sink.

M: Hey my heart, do not cry. I'm sure it's not worth it.  
C: Michael, I am sincerely sorry in advance but ...  
M: But what, tell me, Claudia ...  
C: Ok ... hmm ... do you remember our last day at the hotel? Our last night?  
M: Yes of course but ... had a wonderful night Claudia, what is your relationship with your problem?

Claudia stared at Michael. She came to her senses a few seconds, blew a good blow and finally announced the long-awaited news.

C: Michael ... I'm pregnant.  
M: You are ... what?  
C: We're going to have a second child, Michael.

Michael's eyes passed from Claudia's eyes to her belly. He could not believe it. Tears of happiness bead in the corner of his eyes when he finally reacts to the good news.

M: Oh my heart, it's wonderful.

He embraced Claudia with tenderness and deep love. He pressed her against him. He needed to feel her against him and believe in this beautiful reality.

C: Michael, that's not the right time, right?  
M: Claudia, there is no good time to have a baby. It's always the right time. We always wanted to have a second child. And it was conceived the night we reconciled. It's a sign.  
C: I thought you'd be upset where ...  
M: Hush ... I would never have been sorry to hear that I will become a father a second time. Amanda is going to have a little brother or a little sister, nothing is more beautiful Claudia.  
C: Thank you.  
M: But how long is it?  
C: I am pregnant for a month and a half, besides I have an appointment next week at the gynecologist of the base. My file will be transferred in the next days.  
M: Already! It had not been noticed, neither you, nor me. But I will be able to take care of you and pamper you as I love to do it, and even more so now.  
C: I love you so much Michael if you knew.  
M: I love you just as much as my heart.

They kissed tenderly, kissed one last time, then went to bed. It was now necessary to announce it to their family but especially to their daughter. The reaction of the latter was not exactly what they expected. Indeed, Amanda became an angry little girl, and grumpy all day long. Everything was going well with her parents but as soon as they ventured to talk about the future baby, she started crying and did not want to leave them. They made an appointment with the pediatrician at the base on Saturday morning. Amanda was calm that morning.

P: Mr and Mrs Holden, come in, please.  
M: Hello doctor.  
P: Why did you want to meet me today?  
C: We have a problem with our daughter, Amanda. Since we told her that she was going to have a little brother or sister, she changed her behavior.  
P: That is to say?  
M: As soon as we talk about the baby, she starts crying, screaming, and asks for her mother's attention all the time.  
P: Certainly there is a behavior problem, but I think it is not serious. You leave me with Amanda a few moments?  
M: Of course.

Amanda talked for a long time with the doctor. The latter reminded his parents afterwards.

P: The problem is simple. Amanda does not want another baby in the house.  
A: No baby!  
Claudia and Michael looked at their daughter, stunned.

M: What is the reason?  
P: For her, another baby means that you replace her with another child.  
C: What are we replacing?  
P: That's what she feels. In fact she told herself that you did not love her anymore and that you decided to have another child. She told me with her words of course that she was going to be abandoned.

Michael and Claudia could not believe it. How could they have omitted this problem from their daughter without understanding it?

C: And, how can we solve that?  
P: In a simple way. First explain to him why there will be another child in the house. And show her that whatever happens, she remains your daughter, that you love her and that she will stay with you.  
M: Do you think that will suffice?  
P: In my opinion yes. Because apart from the announcement of the arrival of this child, Amanda is fine according to you. So if the problem comes only from there, everything will be solved quickly.  
M: Very good. Thank you Doctor.

Leaving the pediatrician's office, Amanda was happily frolicking. As if this meeting had soothed him. In appearance only. Indeed, by wanting to approach the subject with her, Michael and Claudia met new crying. They waited in the evening when it was time to sleep Amanda. The latter being quietly in bed. They chose this moment to talk with their daughter.

M: Amanda, did you understand what the doctor said this morning?  
Yes indeed.  
C: You know my angel, dad and mom love you very much.  
A: Amanda still daddy and mom's little girl?  
M: Of course yes honey. You will always remain our little girl.  
C: And we will never abandon you. You will never leave the house, you stay with mom and dad, whatever happens.  
A: With new baby?  
C: Yes, with your little brother or little sister.  
M: If with mom, we want another baby, it's not because we do not love you anymore Amanda, it's because we love each other very much. And because we want you to be a big sister.  
A: Amanda big sister?  
M: And yes, you will be a big sister and you will be able to help mom and dad take care of the baby in the house.  
C: Did you understand my flea?  
Yes indeed.  
M: So now, do not cry, scream anymore, and stop bothering mom and dad when talking about the baby. Okay ?  
A: Yes dad.  
M: Very good. Good night my Love.  
C: Good night sweetie, sweet dreams.

Amanda falls asleep quickly and her behavior returns to normal. She wanted to know everything about this baby coming next year. Which particularly amused his parents. They were relieved to see that their daughter was better and resumed their little life quietly. On Monday, Claudia had an appointment with the gynecologist at the base who would follow her during her pregnancy. Michael had accompanied him. They saw their child for the first time on a screen with ultrasound, which made them realize what was happening to them. They came out happy and hoped that this happiness would last for long weeks. However, on Wednesday, Michael received very bad news. The entire division was called at 13h sharp in front of the headquarters. It was the General of the base who spoke to them.

G: Soldiers rest! Given the highly volatile state of Somalia today, the US Army is deploying several other divisions to assist the existing one. However, not everyone is deployed at the same time. Regarding our division, you will be leaving for Somalia on December 2, that is to say in 2 weeks. Your training will therefore intensify to be ready for this deployment. You will be in this country for 3 months for Operation Restore Hope. All information will be given to you in due time. However, you have your afternoon so that you can tell the news to your families and set up an organization so that everyone is ready to leave on December 2nd. If you have personal, child, or animal concerns, please contact the support support group as soon as possible so that solutions can be found as no breach of the call will be tolerated. Break!

The soldiers reacted differently. Some expected it apparently, having knowledge in other bases, the information had already circulated a little. Others who used to leave, were happy to be able to go on mission again and serve their country. Those who were the first deployment were crying. And for others, like Michael, they were shocked. Three other soldiers had their companions waiting for a happy event. These men would miss the birth of their child. It was a terrible anxiety for them. Michael meanwhile after a quick calculation, understood that it would return well before the day scheduled for the birth of their child. But that did not take away the anguish that still gripped him, not knowing how Claudia would react to the announcement of the news. After half an hour, the square in front of the headquarters was empty. Everyone, each, had returned to their family, just like Michael, who had looked for his words, those who would announce to Claudia that he was leaving on a mission. When he approached the house, he panicked. He did not know how to announce that to Claudia. In her condition, a shock could have tragic consequences for the baby she was carrying. Michael knew it. She was only 2 months pregnant but Michael felt that his wife was as fragile as the first day. He forced himself into the house, and he found himself face to face with Claudia from the first step. She saw immediately in her eyes that something had happened. She had thought of everything, a new move, that Michael had to return to California perhaps, that one of his friends had died in battle, all except the deployment, his biggest obsession. So big that she did not even think about it.

C: Michael, what's going on?  
M: Something has happened Claudia.

The latter approached her and took her by the shoulders. As if he wanted to be able to support her if the weight of the emotion was too strong.

C: Michael, you scare me ...  
M: I'm deployed to Somalia in two weeks.

Michael had announced the news like a chopper. He had not taken any gloves, and had advertised it blank as he knew somehow the announcement of this news would have been horrible for both. At that moment, Claudia did not move anymore. She was disconnected at the time. She had understood what Michael had told her but she did not realize what that meant. After a few seconds the time caught her and the pain was so strong that she could not cry. Tears shone in Claudia's eyes, she put a hand in front of her mouth as if to quell the fear she felt.

C: You are ...

Claudia could not finish her sentence, she took a deep breath, as if breathing, bringing her back to reality or Michael would not leave. Her legs then shifted under her. Michael caught her and took her against him. The latter began to cry. Michael was hugging her, and his eyes were soon fogging with tears. He made her sit on the couch a few minutes later. Claudia was still stuck to him, as if being in her arms would make her forget reality or stop time forever. However, Claudia had to ask him questions. She pulled away from him and looked him in the eyes.

C: Why?  
M: We have to help the troops already on the ground because they are in a critical situation that could be tragic for the US Army in terms of casualties.  
C: When are you leaving exactly?  
M: December 2, in two weeks.  
C: Oh my god!  
M: I'm sorry to make you do it again in your condition.

Michael felt the tears rolling down his cheeks.

C: How long do you leave?

Claudia waited for the answer with fear in her stomach. Her husband's answer will give her what her daily life would be for the next seven months. She did not want to relive that birth like Amanda's. If they had decided to keep this baby, it was for Michael to be there and attend his birth. Claudia closed her eyes.

M: Three months normally.

Claudia opened her eyes. After a quick calculation, Michael would return early March, 3 months and a half before the birth of their child. She sighed a big blow. A little something that reassured her in this bad news.

C: You'll be back for baby's birth Michael, Claudia announced.  
M: I know honey, and I'm more than happy. That's what will help me stay there. To know that I will be there for the birth of my baby.

They smiled at each other, and kissed each other tenderly before hugging each other and staying for several minutes to feel the beloved against each other. After a few moments, Amanda came to disturb him. Playing in her room, she had not heard his father go home. Michael realized at that moment that he would be separated from Claudia, like the last time but also from his daughter. His heart broke as he saw his little smile and blue eyes shine as he spoke to his father. The day ended quickly, as usual. The days that followed also, especially since Michael was working more. But something had changed though. Indeed, Michael was taking even more care of Claudia, and his daughter. The least moments he lived with them, he took full advantage and pampered them. He did not take his eyes off them, and wanted to enjoy every possible moment before leaving. Everything that had to be done before the deployment was done and they also decided that if Claudia felt tired, sick, she would call her mother who would come to join her here. Shortly before departure, they explained to Amanda that her father was going away for a while to help the men working with him, but that he would come back soon. Amanda did not understand exactly what that meant. Her dad was leaving for her job, and for her there was nothing easier to understand. D-Day arrived quickly. That morning did not look like the others. Michael woke up early so that he could see Claudia sleep and print that beautiful image in her head so that she could think about it as soon as the lack was too great. For him everything was difficult to achieve. Indeed, Claudia was 2 months pregnant but she had not changed physically, and nothing to suggest this pregnancy. He knew it, when he came back, she will have changed, and she will have lived things with this baby ... without him. He returned to reality, and put in a pocket of his uniform a picture of Claudia and Amanda. He had the impression that this goodbye would be more painful than the first. And this was the case, as much for him, as for Claudia but also for Amanda, whose reaction worried them. Everything was ready and they left their house for the airport. Claudia still did not understand the women who could joke and laugh with their husbands and children as they parted for long periods. Michael had explained that as you get used to this kind of news, a ritual is set up for each deployment, which reassures the family and allows a departure less heartbreaking. While the lack is still present but everything is happening more serenely. Claudia wondered if one day it would be possible. But today, Michael was leaving for his second deployment in 4 years of life together practically. The soldiers put themselves in line for the speech of departure. Injured soldiers were present to see the departure of their friends and colleagues. One of them with a bandage to the head, another arm in the cast and one last was in a wheelchair because had lost a leg in combat. Claudia had only a brief attention for these soldiers, since she had already been able to meet wounded soldiers and was in no way shocked. But another person present that day was. Indeed, Amanda who was in her stroller, was impressed by these soldiers. She saw that they were in the same uniform as her dad and realized that he had the same job. She thought then that if her dad went to work, he would come back like her and would hurt. She started crying and reaching for her mother. Claudia, intrigued, took her in his arms but could not speak, since the speech was being pronounced. Once finished, Michael joined his family for goodbye, which could last up to ten minutes. When he saw Amanda cried, Michael worried.

M: What's going on?  
C: I do not know, she started to cry suddenly.  
M: Amanda, what is my heart?  
To Dad.

Amanda turned to her father and held out her arms. She snuggled up against him and hugged him tightly with her little arms. Michael found Claudia's gaze and read the same misunderstanding he felt.

A: Dad not work.  
C: What do you say baby?  
A: Dad stayed home. With mom. With Amanda.  
M: Amanda, dad can not stay home for now. Dad has to go to work, but he'll be back soon, I promise you.

Michael hugged his daughter and wanted to put her back in her stroller but she refused to get out of his arms. He dyed his daughter with one arm and hugged Claudia with the other. The latter snuggled against Michael, who kissed him in the hair. The little family stayed that way for a few minutes before Amanda pulled them out of their moment of fullness.

A: Papa bobo.

Claudia saw that the wounded soldiers were behind them a few meters away. She waved to Michael, who glanced furtively and understood what Amanda was saying.

M: Do not you want dad to go to work?  
A: No.  
M: Are you afraid that daddy will get a boob like the guys over there?

Amanda nodded shyly at her father. The fear that her parents could read in the little girl's eyes broke their hearts. It was necessary, during the few minutes that remained to them, to make it clear to Amanda that Michael will come back safe and sound.

M: Amanda, I promise you that Daddy will come back without a bump.  
C: Yes sweetie, you do not have to worry, dad does his job well and he will not have a boob and will not hurt.  
A: Dad away.  
C: Yes dad goes to another country, but he's going to call us. And Amanda can talk to him.  
M: Mom is right, I'll call you and you can tell me a lot.  
A: Baby phone.

Michael had a slight laugh, as did Claudia. Amanda was already thinking about her little brother or sister and they were touched to see her talk about it that way.

M: Yes honey, dad will call to find out how the baby is doing.  
C: You'll help mom see if the baby is fine, okay?  
A: Yes indeed.  
M: Amanda, daddy will have to leave, you kiss me?

Amanda made a big kiss to her dad and a big hug. The latter could rest in his stroller in order to say goodbye to Claudia as it should. He took her in his arms, but knew he had little time left.

M: Promise me to pay attention to you, and to the baby.  
C: I promise you to take care of me.  
M: I'll call you as soon as we arrive, and I'll try to call you at least every two weeks, okay?  
C: I hope you can.  
M: Do not worry, you'll get news from General Base and then I'll write to you every week. Well, you'll get letters with a week's lag, but at least you'll get news often.

Claudia's eyes began to fog with tears.

M: I know it's difficult Claudia, but I'm already thinking about my return and the moments we can spend together. Moments I could not live when you waited for Amanda, and that's what will keep me going and I know that these 3 months will pass very quickly.  
C: How am I going to do without you?  
M : It's hard for me to be separated from you too Claudia, but we'll get there. You taking care of Amanda and preparing the arrival of the baby gradually. And then you have the support group, I'm sure they'll have lots of things to make you do. And me doing my job perfectly, thinking about my training, and in the evening I could fall asleep with the picture of you two, you and Amanda.

C: I will miss you so much.

M: Oh you too, if you knew.  
C: Pay close attention to me and promise me to come back alive, safe and sound.  
M: I promise you. On your side, if you have a problem, do not hesitate to call my parents where yours. They will be happy to help you take care of you and I confess that if there is a worry I will be reassured to know you surrounded.  
C: For now everything is fine but if I'm tired or what else I know, I'll call them, I promise. And then I'll keep you informed for the baby of everything.  
M: We did not even have time to choose names.  
C: We can do it on your return, you'll be there for the end of my pregnancy and we'll have plenty of time for it.  
M: You're right.

They broke off and stared at each other for a few seconds before kissing each other tenderly. Michael put his hands on Claudia's belly, as if to say goodbye to his future child. Claudia laid her hands on Michael's, looking at him lovingly. The latter had to leave, the last reminder had just been announced. He pushed the departure until the last second, where he then took Claudia's hands in his before kissing her one last time and away from her. Their hands held until Michael was too far away and let go of them as they saw each other move away from each other. Claudia had stopped crying, and watched the plane disappear into the sky. It was now necessary to return and resume the court of his life, without the man who shared it. However, something disturbed her. Indeed, on the day of departure, a military woman had been intrigued by the farewell scene between Michael and Claudia. She had guessed by the gestures, that Claudia must surely be pregnant. Without even being sure of this information, she spread this rumor, which was certainly true but without the consent of Claudia, on the basis. But it did not take long to come to Claudia's ears. In fact, about a week after Michael's departure, while the latter was in the support group and helped to finish the Christmas decorations for the festive meal of the families who would be alone on the base, one of the young women, he over there. A certain Maureen, a young military woman of about her age, spoke to her.

Mau: Excuse me, are you Claudia Holden?  
C: Yes, it's me.  
Mau: I introduce myself, I'm Maureen Soler. I'm going to speak to you because I heard a rumor about you based on it, and I know how unpleasant it is, especially when it turns out to be wrong. Especially given the circumstances.  
C: A rumor? What do you mean ?  
Mau: Here, following the deployment of our husbands, a woman saw you with your husband, say goodbye and according to her, certain gestures would lead to the fact that you are pregnant.

Claudia was stunned because she had just heard. They were cut by the director of the group who gave them an appointment the next day at the same time, their workshop of the day being finished. Maureen, joined Claudia outside and they continued their discussion.

C: I can not believe it. By what right does this woman allow herself to do that?  
Mau: As you are new to the army and my aunt, military woman, told me to pay attention because unfortunately on a military base, when a deployment took place, there are only women left on the base and gossip is well under way.  
C: I see that.  
Mau: Apparently you are very well seen by everyone on the base. I think that suddenly we want to know some things about you, your life ...  
C: But it's my private life, my family life, it does not look anyone.  
Mau: I agree with you. Especially since this kind of rumor while your husband is gone, if it comes to his ears, it can have quite disastrous consequences.

Claudia frowned.

C: Wait, what do you think of this rumor?  
Mau: Let's say I find it despicable to say that when it's wrong, because if your husband learns of it from another person, it may make him angry.

Claudia laughed. But seeing women in the group around her, she preferred to leave and go home.

Mau: Can I accompany you? I am your neighbor actually.  
C: Did you arrive at the same time then?  
Mau: Yes almost.  
C: But I have to go get my daughter to the nursery.  
Mau: That's fine, unless you do not want me to come with you.  
C: That is to say, I do not really trust big people on the base.  
Mau: I understand. But maybe we could get to know each other? To tell the truth, I feel a little lonely these last days.

Claudia was touched by this young woman and thought that being alone all day, without a child must be difficult. She gave herself a mission to help him. And it was unwittingly that she then had an acquaintance, next neighbor, who will help her for a near future. Claudia went to get Amanda and invited Maureen to have a coffee.

Mau: Can I ask you a question?  
C: Yes, of course, go for it.  
Mau: Why did you laugh just now?  
C: Well, maybe because this rumor does not have one.  
Mau: That's right, a rumor always turns out to be wrong.  
C: Not for me then. I am indeed pregnant, about two and a half months.  
Mau: Claudia, I'm really sorry, I did not want to hurt you or ...  
C: Do not worry, my husband is already aware, of course so there will be no problem on his side, I even think it will make him laugh.  
Mau: That's good. All my congratulations then.  
C: Thank you. But, I can know who to launch this rumor?  
Mau: Jody Mailing, her husband is a major, I think. Why ?  
C: Because I think a little discussion is needed with this person, just to make it a little shameful.

They laughed together, and spent the rest of the afternoon discussing their family, their lives, their husbands. In the evening, Maureen went back home, the house next door. At Claudia, the phone rang. It was Michael. It had been a week since he should have arrived in Somalia, but Claudia had not heard from him. She was more than relieved to hear the sound of her voice.

C: Michael!  
M: Honey, how are you?  
C: relieved to hear you. I made a blood of ink. One week Michael, it's been a week.  
M: I know and I'm sorry. We had a delay first in Germany, then in Kuwait. I could not call.  
C: The main thing is that you're fine. Everything is going well there?  
M: Yes, everything is fine, you do not have to worry. And how are you ? and Amanda?  
C: Amanda is fine, she knows that you went to work and did not change your behavior. I think she does not really realize because her life is punctuated by her little habits. Some nights she asks me if daddy is fine. But she is quickly reassured.  
M: And you Claudia?  
C: His going, I hold the neck. I finally decided to go help for the support group. So I'm a little busy and it helps me a lot.  
M: What a good idea! And the baby is fine?  
C: I think. I'm not too tired, and I'm not sick anymore, so for the moment everything is fine.  
M: I'm glad to hear it. Do not forget, if you need our respective parents are there.  
C: I know, but I think I will not need to bother them, because I met another military woman at the support group that happens to be our neighbor. She is really very nice.  
M: Who is it?  
C: Maureen Soler.  
M: Her husband is in my unit, if she is as nice as her husband can be, I'm glad to know you surrounded.  
C: Have you heard some things about me?  
M: How so? You know we've been there for a day, nobody was able to call for the moment so what will I have to hear about you?  
C: Do you know Major Mailing?  
M: Yes, he is leading the brigade on the ground. Why ?  
C: She spawned a rumor about me on the base. Finally it's not really a rumor since it's true but let's say people talk.  
M: What? What did she say ?  
C: She saw us say goodbye during the deployment and by our behavior, she deduced that I was pregnant. And she had fun saying it everywhere.  
M: Sweatheart, I'm sorry. I know we did not want to say anything for now and keep it a little longer for us. I am also grieved. It's not very respectful what she did. I'll go talk to her husband tomorrow.  
C: I wanted to go talk to his wife too. Express to him my displeasure.  
M: Yes go ahead, she allowed herself to disclose our privacy without our consent. You have the right to go see her and tell her that she did not have the right. Honey, my calling time is over. Kiss Amanda for me. I write to you quickly. I love you.  
C: I love you too.

Claudia hung up. She had heard from Michael, everything was fine. The next day, she received a call from Michael's parents to find out how the end-of-year celebrations would take place. The Christmas parties would be held at Michael's parents' house with those of Claudia and of course Amanda. For the new year, the military women of the Claudia district who were alone had organized a small party, to which Claudia would participate. In the late afternoon, she took Amanda on a walk and saw Major Mailing's wife. She called him.

C: Mrs Mailing?

The latter turned around, astonished to see a woman she did not know how to call him.

J: Are you?  
C: Claudia Joy Holden, my husband is First Lieutenant.  
J: Oh yes, he is under the orders of my husband. Can I help you ?  
C: Yes I would like to understand something.  
J: Do you have a problem?  
C: How did you get this rumor about me?

The Major's wife saw Claudia's eyes change, she was furious.

J: I beg your pardon?  
C: No, I know you know what I'm talking about. They came to tell me. You started a rumor that I was pregnant!  
J: No it's not a rumor, I just told a friend about what I saw.  
C: You should check your friends in this case since apparently the whole base is supposedly aware of something that only looks at my husband and myself. You have imagined a second if my husband will have learned from a soldier?  
J: Everything is known anyway.  
C: You do not have to intervene in our private life. Because I'm going to officially teach you that I'm actually pregnant for two and a half months to be precise. Simply, we wanted to be able to keep it for ourselves and enjoy it in privacy without having to share it with everyone and having to constantly answer the same questions always asked to future parents.  
J: Why make so much history if this is the truth?  
C: But because it did not concern you! The privacy of others does not concern you! And believe me, you'll regret doing that!

Claudia left furiously and called Amanda who was going to the playground, just opposite. She had not seen her mother get angry with this woman. For his part, Michael spoke with Major Mailing who was obviously not aware of this story, but apologized and found the behavior of his wife inappropriate. The end of year celebrations went off without a hitch. Claudia's belly was rounded and she could not deny being pregnant now. She received a letter from Michael between Christmas and New Year.

"My dear Claudia,

Everything has become more difficult here. I did not think it would have been possible but finally, that's the job of a soldier. I ask you not to worry because I still hold my neck and my boss congratulated me recently. I'm not on the front for the moment so I do not risk anything on base camp.  
The holiday season is a difficult time for all soldiers, even the hardest. I wish I could spend the holidays with you and Amanda, enjoy this baby that will arrive next year. But the army decides otherwise, and we must accept it.  
I hope you are both good. Amanda must still have grown and evolve. I wish I could hear her utter her first full sentence, and see her marvel at the presents at the foot of the tree this year. This is the first year of her life where the magic of Christmas is present for her and where all this makes sense. You had to read him the letter I wrote especially for her. I hope that it will have done him good and that she will find the time without a daddy shorter.  
On your side I hope that all is well too, that you manage to take care with the support group and that the baby is well too. You'll have a new ultrasound in a few weeks, normally. I will call you on this occasion to hear from the baby.  
If you knew how I miss you. It's in those moments when I realize how much I care about you, how much I need you. The only small photo I took helped me to hold on.  
By the way, I learned from Private Soler that you had become friends with Maureen. I loved learning this good news. You are no longer alone on the base and the eve you spend with friends will probably be a wonderful evening. Enjoy it above all, it is important that you can have fun and enjoy life.  
Know that I think very strongly of you every night before falling asleep. I repeat that I'm lucky to have this life, to have such a lovely family and such a beautiful person to love. You are in my heart. Make lots of kisses to Amanda for me.

I love you, Michael. "

This letter did a great deal to Claudia. She did not realize that this deployment made her stronger, that she was now taking things in her own hands like a real military woman and that that life no longer scared her. She believed in Michael and his family on that basis. She was Mrs. Holden, and had to show that she had a pretty family, and that she was proud of her husband, that she supported him in everything he did. Without knowing it she was gradually becoming the model military woman of the base, the one everyone envied and wanted to know. She obviously answered Michael's letter.

"Michael,

If you knew the joy I felt when I received your letter. By the time you have to read this letter, we must be in 1993. A new year started far from you. But time passes relatively quickly and I'm sure we'll be in March quickly now.  
At home, everything is fine. Amanda has grown and she speaks almost perfectly. She has changed a little and looks more and more like me. You who said she was my spitting image, you will probably be surprised to see her change again growing up. She becomes a beautiful little girl.  
As for me, I integrated well with the group of support and I recovered the party events, as I had done before. So I'm busy and I love it. Otherwise, I changed a little, and there is no doubt, I'm expecting our second child. I wish I could share all that with you. But soon, soon you will be back among us.  
I was solved the problem with the Major's wife. What a pretentious woman, but I explained to her my anger at the lack of respect for our privacy and like everything here, it quickly spread on the base. No one speaks to him. At least she will not put another military woman in trouble.  
I miss you a lot. But I managed to overcome that thanks to my friends here. I now have another vision of the army and this deployment will have changed me. In a positive way, do not worry, but I take my homework very seriously and take good care to keep a good image for our family and for you.  
Know that I support you with all my heart, I believe in you and I am really proud of you. Come back to us soon.

I love you, Claudia. "

When he received this letter, Michael let out a few tears. The end of Claudia's letter touched him. He obviously noticed through the words that Claudia had changed. He understood that she had matured, and that she was now sure of her, that she managed the distance better and that despite a great lack, she had managed to set up habits at home, and a schedule so that everything is going well and for her, and for Amanda. Michael was better able to concentrate on his mission and it was during this deployment that he also became stronger and better armed against distance and lack. He was gradually not showing what he felt, which was important for a soldier. The date of the ultrasound arrived quickly, and Michael telephoned Claudia at the end of January.

C: Hello?  
M: Honey!  
C: Michael!  
M: I'm so happy to hear your voice. She missed me.  
C: To you too. So how are you ? Did you receive my letter ?  
M: Of course. She touched me Claudia. I was touched by your words and it really made me feel good. I did not answer you because I knew I was going to call you.  
C: I suspected it.  
M: So how was the ultrasound done?  
It's very good. The baby is growing well and everything is fine, the baby and the mother.  
M: I'm so relieved to hear it. Do you know if it's a little girl or a little boy?  
C: No, I did not ask the question. I preferred not to know. I think I will not ask either the next ultrasound, but against that of the 7th month of pregnancy you will be back and we will both ask to know both.  
M: It is adorable, thank you my heart. But suddenly, we will have to choose a first name for a girl and one for a boy.  
C: I confess that I did not think but I want to be able to think with you and choose with you, not like that on the phone.  
M: Okay, we'll do it on my return then. How is Amanda?  
It's very good. She is so wise, it's a treat to take care of our daughter Michael. I can not wait for you to see his progress.  
M: I miss you so much.  
C: You too. Do you know when you come back exactly?  
M: No, I do not know anything more than when I left. At the beginning of March, it's wide but that means that in a month I'll be back home.  
C: I can not wait.  
M: I love you so much if you knew.  
C: Me too Michael.

M: My time is up Claudia, I have to leave you. Kiss Amanda for me. See you soon. I love you.  
C: Take good care of yourself, I love you.

Michael hung up the heavy body. He could not see his future baby, and he could not see Amanda evolving. Also, Claudia had to change physically, and he could participate in all of this with her. But the month of February arrived, the day of Valentine's Day also. Claudia knew how much Michael missed her family. She then took the initiative to write him a letter but she wanted inside, to give him a little something that would make him happy. She had an idea and phoned Maureen. The latter arrived a few minutes later with a camera in hand.

M: It's really a great idea.  
C: I want Michael to have new pictures of us. Not only Amanda has changed a lot but he does not see me evolve so I want him to share it.

Claudia had the idea to take some pictures of her and Amanda, both of them alone, and send them to Michael. Maureen took several of Amanda and one in Claudia's portrait. And finally some of Amanda with her mother. Claudia selected a few, the one that would accompany her letter to Michael. Claudia sent him about a week before February 14, so that Michael had it for the day. For his part, Michael, was very busy. He had planned to have a beautiful bouquet of red roses delivered to Claudia. On the morning of February 14, when she opened the door to retrieve her mail, she saw a huge bouquet of red roses lying on the floor. She was captivated by the beauty of roses and very touched by this gesture. She took the bouquet to put it in a vase and saw putting it in the water, a small white card had been slipped between two roses. She took it to read what was written.

"For the sun of my life, with all my love. I love you, Michael »

Claudia felt the tears mounted in her eyes. It was just a few words written on a piece of white cardboard but that meant so much to her. She hoped that Michael had received his letter. The latter had actually received it two days before February 14, but he had only time to put it in his box having been called in operation with his unit. Surprised by a sandstorm, they were unable to reach base camp until February 14th. When he came back that evening, after eating and having a shower, he was finally quiet in his tent. He saw the letter on his bed then remembered that he had not read it yet. A smile appeared on his face when, opening it and going directly to see who had signed it, he read Claudia. But it's the photos that caught his eye first. He was moved to tears as he saw them. Amanda had changed terribly, she really looked more like her mother and he found her beautiful from the height of her 2 years. There were one or two others playing and riding. It was treasure for him. He tried to get down to reading the letter, but throwing the envelope into the trash, he felt that it was still heavy. He took it back to empty it completely, which made him cry when he found out what it was. The portrait of Claudia increased the lack that he could feel, but also his love for her. Then he found a picture of the ultrasound that Claudia had spent a few weeks before. He had before his eyes, a picture of his future child, the first. But the picture that made him sad and happy was when Amanda was lying on her mother's stomach. These magnificent moments in family, he could not the food. He noticed that Claudia's belly was rounded and she was really beaming. But still, his photos made him happy at an unimaginable point. Because it was a way of getting him involved and showing him that they were still a family. He was able to throw the envelope and finally read this letter.

"Michael, my love,

It's been a few weeks since you left home. As always, it seems empty without you. I always feel like I have no family around me anymore and I'm alone. On the base, the houses are mostly empty, and there is not much life in the streets, shops ... But fortunately my friends are there. When you are far from us, they are like a second family for me. We support each other morally, we help each other every day, and we keep it together. We are united in the same life, the same thing, the same feeling of lack, of loneliness sometimes. Nevertheless, I wanted to share with you some moments of life of our family, so that you see how it evolves. I think you must have noticed, but Amanda to change well is not it? She is so wise and adorable. She wants to help me with all the tasks at home, and is always disappointed to see that for many things she is still too small. I think she worries about me and the unborn baby. She already wants to take on her role as a big sister, and it's so cute to see. As you could see I'm doing well and the baby too. A few days ago, I felt it move for the first time. It was wonderful and I wish you were there to feel that too and enjoy it with me, just both. But life decides otherwise.  
Life precisely, will we have to trace a weird path you do not find? I remembered what I was before our meeting, what I was doing in my life to commit to my future and what I wanted it to be done. I had imagined so many things, but never could I have the image of my life in the army. And yet, that's where I am now. But how can we resist when the heart pushes us towards the person from whom we fall head over heels in love? I realize that I probably will not have been able to live without you, Michael. Even if I have made the decision not to follow you, to continue my studies at Harvard, sooner or later I will have regretted this decision and I will be back to you. Maybe too late, because you will probably have met someone else, and will have to start another life differently and at that moment I will have bitten my fingers and I will have been unhappy.  
But thank god I made the right decision and I built new dreams, new ambitions, a new life. And my life at your side was only so beautiful. Our marriage, the birth of Amanda, your departures, your returns, are just as much evidence of the love that exists between us. Because your departures have allowed us to see that we still hold to each other and that we still love each other deeply. As for your returns, they showed us that despite the distance, the separation, we are always there for each other, and that we still love each other a little more each day. It's such a strong love that I can not explain it. A love from a thunderbolt, which continues to increase as the days pass and will never dry. A love that lives simply by your side. You make me so happy Michael and I will never change that for anything in the world, even for all the gold in the world I will not want to leave this life.  
Because finally the life in the army, seen from the outside is difficult to understand but from the inside, we understand that it is finally a big family, makes of our small family to us, but also of the family of the friends and a family that is the family of military women. It's a life made of beautiful bonds, of love, with you, Amanda, of bonds of friendship too. This life brings so much. If we went back 4 years, I would make the same choices, and would like to revive everything in the same way, with its ups and downs. Because these are periods that have strengthened our bonds and our love. Moments that made it clear that we will be happy together and as bonded and loving as at the beginning.  
Michael, thank you for all this love, these beautiful moments that you offer me, this pretty life that you allow me to have, and this sweet feeling of being important and loved by the one who has loved me the most. this earth. Thank you very much for being there for me and for making me happy.  
I miss you so much. Pay close attention to you, and take good care of yourself.  
Come back to me quickly.  
I love you with all my heart.

Claudia Joy. "

When Michael received this letter, he was filled with joy and courage for the next few weeks. Indeed, he had just learned that the mission was postponed by a month and a half. So it would not come early March as expected, but probably late April. A news that had annihilated it. For him, was precious moments less with Claudia and their future baby. But to see his pictures, had given him a balm to the heart. He had only one desire, to take a plane and return near Claudia and Amanda. But his duty to the army was to stay in Somalia for his country. But he could not remain insensitive to this magnificent letter. He then took the time to answer Claudia and gave herself to her as she had done for him. Claudia received it at the end of February, but no matter what day she would have received it, her reaction would have been the same. When she saw the envelope with the writing she knew, she was eager to open it, but an incident with Amanda at the crib forced her to leave the letter on the furniture of the entrance without being able to read it. . Regarding Amanda, nothing serious, she just coughed a lot, and Claudia brought her home. The doctor spent the early afternoon and prescribed homeopathy to Amanda to calm her cough and cold. Claudia put her on a nap, Amanda being really tired. She sat down on the living room couch to read Michael's calm letter. She smiles from the beginning.

" My love,

What a wonderful time it was offered to me by reading your letter. A moment of happiness in these difficult days. I always have this impression when I am far from mine, that something is missing in my heart. This emptiness felt is always synonymous with the lack that I feel for you. As you explained to me with your friends, here we support each other between soldiers. Sometimes, we organize small "family" special evenings, each telling anecdotes, happy moments that he spent with his family members. In this way we have the impression to have a little at our side. And it feels good to feel that, especially when the morale is not good.  
So I thank you a thousand times for sending me his photos. I'm so happy to have new pictures of our little Amanda. She has changed so much, it's true. She looks really more like you. As for you, you are so beautiful, you shine. You are so beautiful both in the photos. And then a thousand thanks for the picture of the ultrasound. In this way, I feel like I'm still participating in our family life. It's so hard sometimes to tell myself that I miss a lot of things and that these are moments that I will never catch up with. Like those moments during your pregnancy where there are times when you can already make some connection with your baby. But life wanted it differently.  
I also think a lot about our meeting, what we felt for each other. It's true that everything was not trivial, logical. A future lawyer with a soldier we do not see often it's true. But you know when I first saw you, for me everything was simple, normal, logical. I found the person who will share my life, the person I will love all my life. So it was difficult to see you hesitate, not knowing which path to choose. I do not think I will have found anyone else, because I only thought of you, your eyes, your smile. You were already fully part of my life and I did not see myself living any other way. So if you had chosen to continue your studies and not to come with me I would have been really unhappy. I will even confess to you that a fear panic invaded me when it was necessary to leave, not to know what one would happen, of what one could build both. I had this panic fear of losing you, simply.  
So yes I never knew how to thank you for agreeing to come live with me. From that moment, I knew that my life would only be made of happiness. I knew that any time spent at your side would be wonderful, filled with peace, gentleness, tenderness, love. So we built our little life, new things opened up to us, new dreams too. I will remember all my life from this moment when I asked you in marriage, I was so happy. Just as much when I learned that Amanda was born. This feeling of fullness and intense joy can not be explained.  
You are my whole life, my world, my pillar, the one in whom I have all my confidence and the one I need to go forward, make the right choices. Without you, my life would be meaningless, and I can not imagine another life where you would not be. This is unthinkable to me. I thank life for giving me all this and being able to live with such an exceptional woman.  
Life in the army is indeed difficult to tame and integrate for a person who does not know it. That's why I'm so proud of you. From the beginning, you fought to exist in this life, to find your place, and not only as a military woman but as a model military woman, as a woman, just as a mother. You have found your place in our family and in the army world. You managed to understand how it works and how to help others. You knew how to keep this strength that helps me to be strong myself and to believe in us. I do not know where you find all that. You force the admiration of all, it is for all that you managed to do and build for us that I am so proud. No other soldier can be as proud of his wife as I am. It's also love. To be able to recognize in the person that we love what we did not expect. And for all that, I thank you for existing, and for choosing to live your life with me.  
I miss you, and I can't wait to find you again.  
Take good care of yourself, Amanda, the baby.  
I love you more than anything.

Michael.

PS: I call you very quickly. "

When Claudia received this letter, she was thrilled. This letter made her smile again and she was now looking forward to Michael's call. But without knowing that this call would contain bad news. It was late January that the phone rang in Holden's house.

C: Yes Hello ?!  
M: Claudia, sweatheart!  
C: Michael! I'm so happy to hear you! How are you ?  
M: It's a little more complicated lately. But I'm fine, reassure yourself. Besides, I thank you a thousand times for this wonderful letter. You do not imagine the good she did to me. I felt revived when I finally could read it.  
C: There is no what honey. It was the goal. And I also thank you for yours, which gives me courage to stand against this lack that invades me every day. But luckily you come back in a very short time. By the way, do you know exactly when you come home?  
M: Exactly Claudia, I call you to warn you.  
C: What's going on?  
M: The situation got worse here and ... we got new orders. We have to stay here again for a while.

Michael knew this news would be like a bomb.

C: Michael no ...  
M: I am sincerely sorry and terribly disappointed but ... I am obliged to answer present orders that are given to me.  
C: When do you come home?  
M: End of April. I promise you I'll let you know okay?  
C: Okay. I miss you so much.  
M: I know, I miss you so much but we will soon be together and soon 4. I keep thinking about it and that's what keeps me going. I have to let you my call time is up.  
C: Ok. I love you Michael.  
M: I love you too. Kiss Amanda for me.

When she hung up, Claudia burst into tears. This news had deeply affected him. The closer the date of birth of this second child came, the more she was anxious about being once more alone. Decidedly, life gave him no respite. He did not know what the end of March would be for him.


	12. (Chap 12 - Part 1) - Welcome Emmalin

March 1993

A few days had passed since Michael's call. By this life in the army, Claudia had forged a strong character over the months that had passed. But fortunately, according to her, Michael did not have a rank too high which allowed him still to be able to be free to dress as she wanted, free of his deeds and gestures, the choice of his friends. Claudia had always felt that all military women could be friends, regardless of the rank of their spouse. Which gradually forced the admiration of many on the basis because she had managed to integrate many women on the base. She was supporting a lot of women in distress, but right now she was the one who needed support. But unfortunately all were in the same boats. Their husbands would not be home for a long time yet. Only, nothing was ever sure with the army, the proof. She received the next Sunday, a new call, she thought it was his mother, wanting to take news. It was a different correspondent.

C: 1st Lieutenant Holden's house?  
M: Hello my love ...  
C: Michael! How happy I am to hear you!  
M: Me too, honey. How are you ?  
C: It's pretty difficult right now. But it's for everyone, the support group, everyone was a little on the nerves when it was learned that you will come back much later.  
M: I would like to be with you, if you knew ... I miss you so much.  
C: I miss you too Michael ... and if only.  
M: And if we realized this wish?  
C: What do you mean by that?  
M: Claudia, we're going home on Friday.  
C: What ... what ?! You're coming home ? she asked again, not believing her ears.  
M: I'm going home honey.  
C: Oh my god, Michael, what a wonderful news! I'm so happy to hear that!  
M: I'm so happy to finally be back.  
C: What time do you arrive?  
M: Normally at the end of the day.  
C: Amanda will be awake from the nap, we can come and greet you both.  
M: Dream moment, I can not wait to be there. In the meantime, you will have no news, no call until Friday. The base commander will tell you exactly when we will be back and when the scheduled time will be before the planes land.  
C: Okay, I hope with all my heart that there will be no delay.  
M: I hope so too. I have to leave you, my calling time is over soon.  
C: On Friday, I love you.  
M: I love you more than anything Claudia. A Friday.

Michael hung up, but they were both the happiest people at this moment. The week passed quickly, everyone was busy preparing for the return of the soldiers. Claudia was tired. Having to manage a house, a child of 2 years, alone and 6 months pregnant, was not easy. She was waiting for Michael's return so he could help her in a few spots. That day arrived quickly and on Friday morning around 8:00 am, every military woman was informed, that the return flights from Somalia arrived at 18:00. The day seemed endless for everyone but everyone found themselves quickly on the tarmac at the airport base. In the distance, the sound of landings was heard, and the buses quickly arrived at the meeting point. Many soldiers came down, indeed, the whole division had been deployed which made a large number of soldiers. All had dark circles, and a tired look, others were thin, but despite all their smile showed their joy to be back with theirs. Claudia had not seen Michael, indeed, she had not mingled with the crowd, for safety, having in addition Amanda in his stroller. The return speech was delivered. Amanda wondered what was going on.

A: Mom, daddy is here?  
C: Yes dad is there with the other gentlemen, but we do not see him for now. Do not worry, he'll come to us.

Claudia was looking for him in vain. The speech was finished, and all were able to break up and rejoin their family. There was a crowd of soldiers and it was difficult to navigate. Michael was looking for Claudia everywhere and did not see her. He worried, what if something had happened? Everyone was moving, laughing, jumping for joy. Her eyes then rested on the face of a young woman, whom he would have recognized among a thousand. Claudia was at the bottom, and he saw her looking for him. A smile came on his lips and he moved quickly. For her part, Claudia saw only a few moments later, a soldier, alone, advanced towards this crowd. Michael was there, he was coming towards her and Amanda. When he was only a few feet away, their eyes became fixed and they smiled at each other. Michael quickened and immediately took Claudia in his arms. They did not speak, they just closed their eyes to feel against each other.

C: I missed you so much.  
M: You too, if you knew. I'm so happy to be back.

They detached themselves, looked at each other and kissed with infinite tenderness. It was at this moment that Amanda realized that her dad was next to her. She called him and held out his arms. Michael smiled at him and took her against him.

M: Amanda, my baby girl. How I missed you too.  
A: Dad's back.  
M: Yes my heart, I came back.

Michael grabbed Claudia by the neck and brought her to him to hold her close. A beautiful moment of family reunion. They soon returned home. Michael was relieved to go home, to find his home. The day was soon over. Amanda was already sleeping and he finally found himself in their room. Claudia joined him quickly. Michael noticed the changes that had occurred during his absence. Indeed, her belly was well rounded and she radiated.

M: You are so beautiful.  
C: In whale mode, yes I know, beautiful, Claudia said sarcastically.  
M: You can not imagine the happiness of knowing that I will share the end of your pregnancy with you, be there with you. I was so afraid of missing everything.  
C: It will not happen, okay? And I'm more than happy to see that you'll be near me.

They smiled at each other, then fell asleep in each other's arms. Several days passed. Michael happily took over his role as a father with Amanda and took care of her all the time. Claudia felt a little excluded from this duo father / daughter, but Michael was very attentive to her. He protected her, took care of her, and kept her eyes on him. Two weeks later, Michael got back to work and a new rhythm set in. The latter was less present but try to help Claudia the best he could. Claudia then found moments alone with her daughter, who asked more and more questions about this baby who arrived. It was soon time for a new ultrasound, and it is with Michael that Claudia went there. They learned happy that it was again a little girl. Their little Amanda was so wonderful to them that they could not imagine their second daughter otherwise. Michael was moved. He had missed the birth of his first daughter but he would be there for the birth of his second daughter. The same evening, the discussion revolved around the name of the little girl to come. But they never agreed, so postponed this discussion later. The little life continued on the base. A few days later, another news arrived, and not least. Through his actions in Somalia and his help in times of crisis during the mission, Michael was promoted to Captain. He hastened to announce the news to Claudia. He ran to their house. Claudia was spreading the clothes and saw him coming to the run.

C: Michael? You're coming back already?  
M: Sweatheart, if you knew how happy I am, he answered and took her in his arms.  
C: Michael, what's going on?  
M: Claudia, I was promoted to Captain.  
C: That's not true? Oh Michael, I'm so happy for you.  
M: A promotion ceremony is planned in 3 weeks.  
C: Michael, I'm so proud of you.

They kissed and Michael went back to work. That evening, Michael was euphoric for everything. Which annoyed Amanda to see her father like that. Michael was playing with her, he was wearing her, making her laugh. It was difficult to put her to bed that night. Claudia took care of it to calm her down. It was long and hard but Amanda ended up falling asleep late in the evening. Coming back to the living room, Claudia put things in their place.

C: Michael, honey, I'd like you to avoid annoying Amanda like her at night. It was impossible to fall asleep, I read at least 4 stories for her to calm down.  
M: I know, but I wanted to take advantage of her and share with her how I feel right now.  
C: Okay, but not at this time. I do not have the energy to do it anymore. I'm exhausted at the end of the day, so if more Amanda is uncontrollable, we will not succeed.  
M: I'm sorry. At the moment it's true that I'm taking advantage of Amanda, but I do not want you to tire yourself unnecessarily.  
C: The last few weeks are going to be long and Amanda is a quiet little girl so we do not want to annoy her.  
M: You're right. But tell me, this future little girl still has no name.  
C: That's right ...  
M: We need to find and agree, Claudia. I thought about some name.  
C: Ah, that's interesting, she said sarcastically.  
M: Do not laugh, you know it's important for me to participate in this pregnancy with you.  
C: I too tried to think. But you first.  
M: Well then first I thought of Helena.  
C: Hmm ... no ... Amanda, Héléna, Claudia ... there are too many A's in this family.  
M: So if in addition I have to pay attention to the letters ... well, and if not, Lois.  
C: No, it's a popular name right now, and I do not like it.  
M: Well the third and last one I thought about, was Erin.  
C: It's an unusual name but ... Erin Holden, that does not sound good.  
M: In this case, I surrender. What about you ?  
C: I like french-sounding names. So I thought about Emeline.  
M: It's a bit too French for me.  
C: Michael, we'll never make it.  
M: Yes, unless you Americanize it a bit.  
C: That is to say?  
M: I was thinking of Emmalin.  
C: Oh that's lovely. I just love it.  
M: Good sold sold?  
C: Yes, but she will have to find a middle name, like Amanda. And there we can not put the same as mine, it will be more original.  
M: Do not worry, we'll find out.

A few weeks later, Michael's promotion ceremony took place. There was a lot of pride in Claudia's eyes. She thought that a promotion was something common in the army, like when you take a step in any job. But it was very different. A promotion in the military means not only that the soldier is a good soldier and that his actions were decisive during the mission, but that he is also an example for the Army and that the Army believes in him and his capabilities. It is therefore something that glorifies the soldier and gives him more importance and goals to achieve. So it is a happy family and proud of what has been accomplished within the latter, who returned to sleep in the middle of the night. Claudia was getting more and more tired. Amanda was asserting herself and it was difficult to manage everything now. Michael was worried. However, good news arrived in early June. Michael returned in a good mood.

M: Claudia ... honey, are you here?  
C: In the bathroom, Amanda takes a bath.  
M: You'll never guess what! Michael shot him when he arrived in the room.  
C: No, what?  
M: We are moving!  
C: Huh, are you mutated? Oh no, not now, not ...  
M: No, we're moving to the base. We were assigned another house, by my change of rank!  
C: Another house? Like this?  
M: By our changes of rank, we sometimes get bigger houses, when places are released, on the same basis. When we arrive on a base, a house is automatically assigned to us by our ranks, but we are noted on the housing register. That is to say, we are in a precise order, seniority, demand, number of children. If we come to the top of the list, at number 1 and a house is released, we are attributed, except if a soldier has changed rank, then he takes the place.  
C: But there you have changed rank ...  
M: Yes, so we went on the list of housing corresponding to Captains. It turns out that I am the only one who does not have a house in Captains' Quarter, and a soldier has just been transferred, so we went straight up to number 1 and we got the house.  
C: Is it true? But it's great!  
M: Yes, but the move is planned for 10 days.  
C: 10 days? But Michael, I will not be able to do anything and maybe even Emmalin will be born.  
M: I know. I called your parents. They arrive in 2 days. They will be there to help us.  
C: Oh great! Thank you Michael!

He smiled at her and came to kiss him. Claudia's parents arrived and had a great reunion. A week later, it was time for the move, Claudia was waiting for Emmalin to show up while Michael was at work and his parents were taking care of the move, at least to take all the furniture to the new house. House. They went away for a whole afternoon and let Claudia rest and Amanda take a nap. But the long-awaited event occurred that day, a certain June 20, 1993. Maureen, Claudia's neighbor, came to say goodbye to her before she left definitively the opposite of the base. She knocked but did not hear anything. The door was ajar, so she entered. There was practically nothing left in the house, where there was a great silence. Maureen, however, noticed some strange noises. She approached a room and opened the door. She saw Claudia on the bed breathing hard and breathing. She ran to her.

M: Claudia! What's the matter ?  
C: I lost the waters. But I thought I had time so I did not warn anyone, thinking that my parents would come back soon. But the work quickly accelerated. My phone is in the living room and I can not move.  
M: Do not worry, I call an ambulance.

Claudia was soon taken to the base hospital, where the doctors found that the work was finally not that fast. Maureen had told Claudia that she was warning the base general so that Michael would be notified. She took charge of Amanda until Claudia's parents returned. But no one answered and Maureen quickly drove with Amanda to headquarters. The general was leaving his office.

M: General!  
G: Madam ...  
M: General, Captain Holden's wife has been admitted to the Base Hospital, she will soon give birth to their second child.  
G: I'm busy warning the Captain. Mrs.  
M: General.

Maureen went home, watching for Claudia's parents. The General contacted Michael's superior so that he could warn him. In a simulation exercise, everything was suddenly stopped. All the soldiers were very surprised. But they understood that something was happening. Michael's superior called him. The latter arrived at the run.

S: Holden, your wife was admitted to the hospital not long ago.  
M: Why? he asked worriedly.  
S: According to a friend of your wife, she would be at work and about to give birth.  
M: Oh my god!  
S: You can go there.

Michael took a few minutes to realize. And if he had missed everything? He ran to the parking lot where the cars were. He rushed home to their old house. He took a shower and put on clothes that were in the suitcase. He went quickly to Maureen's home where he found his daughter Amanda.

Mi: Maureen, what's going on?  
M: Claudia is about to give birth, but do not worry, work is progressing slowly. But hurry up!  
Mi: Thank you!

Michael jumped into his car and quickly arrived at the hospital. He climbed the steps four by four and finally arrived near Claudia.

M: Claudia, honey!  
C: Michael, you're finally here! I wondered what you were doing.  
M: I'm here, that's the main thing. It's okay ?  
C: Better, they made me the epidural, all is for the best.  
M: Lord, thank you!  
C: The doctors laughed because our baby is still moving and beating. They told me that was a little Tarzan. I told them it was a girl and that it did not fit.  
M: Ah my opinion, Emmalin will be livelier than his sister.  
C: Yes it's not Tarzan but rather Jane in this case.

Michael had a laugh with Claudia. But it quickly dissipated and he murmured something inaudible for his wife.

M: ...  
C: What, what did you say? I did not hear …  
M: Emmalin Jane Holden.  
What is it ?  
M: Her middle name, Jane. Emmalin Jane Holden.  
C: Do you find?  
M: I love Claudia.  
C: Emmalin Jane Holden, Claudia repeated. It sounds good, it's cute.

They smiled at each other, then kissed each other. The work intensified and everyone settled down quickly. Michael was very present for Claudia. He lived all his life like an intense, magical moment. It was new to him but joy and happiness prevailed. However, the little girl was not determined to join her parents. The medical profession therefore intervenes to help it. Emmalin had a little trouble breathing, and he was quickly taken to pediatrics, without being able to show it to his mother. Claudia blamed it and began to cry, as much joy as anxiety. She asked Michael to follow the nurse to see this little girl who was already far away from them. Michael complied and joined the nurse. He saw her making specific gestures on this little girl whom he already admired so much. He saw Emmalin regain his pretty pink color and she started crying. Michael thought it was the most beautiful crying in the world. The emotion won him quickly. But it was nothing compared to the moment the nurse invited her to take her daughter. Emmalin was put in his arms and the little girl quickly calmed down. Tears of happiness rolled from Michael's eyes. He was the first to take this new little being in these arms. Emmalin opened her eyes and fell into her dad's eyes. Michael felt invaded by an infinite love and tenderness for his daughter. He had seen it coming to the world. There was no better gift. After several minutes, he was finally able to rejoin Claudia. He entered the room and saw his wife's smile first. He approached and put Emmalin in his arms. The doctor closed the door and left the little family in his bubble, their bubble of happiness and emotion. Michael and Claudia enjoyed every second with their daughter, all new in this world. The next day, Claudia's parents, as well as Michael's parents, came to visit their new baby girl. Amanda also discovered her little sister, but she preferred to stay in the arms of her father, for the moment, frightened by this tiny baby that held her mother. Claudia's stay in the hospital ended well and they were able to return to their brand new home. Claudia had never set foot there, but found her beautiful. His parents had done well, similar to the old, but with much more space. Michael enjoyed every moment with this baby who had come to beautify their lives. He could not take care of Amanda during the first six months of his life. He wanted to see everything, do everything with Emmalin. But to want to take care only of his daughter, he forgot the other people around him. Claudia's parents had left, leaving the couple alone in the stress and turmoil of a baby's arrival. Michael took as much time as he could to take care of his daughters. So that Claudia no longer felt in her place. She was alone with her daughters during the day and cared for them at leisure, but what she missed was her husband. She tried to make him understand Michael but he did not understand the signs. Emmalin had just been 1 month old and this concern was still not resolved. But one night, Claudia cracked and went outside, crying, walking, trying to exteriorize the sadness she had in her. When Michael noticed it, it was already late, and he felt a great anxiety. Night fell and Claudia still had not come back. He phoned Maureen, but Claudia was not at home. Where could she be? Maureen arrived quickly to find out what was going on. It was she who explained to him that Claudia often came to see her, in tears, at her place.

M: In tears? But why?  
Ma: For some time she has not been well. At first I thought it was the baby-blues, but it's not that. I think you miss him a lot.  
M: But I come home early, I try to be there most of the time.  
Ma: Yes, but when you're here, what do you do?  
M: I help her with the girls, I take care of everything, baths, bottles, make Amanda eat, put them to sleep, and enjoy Emmalin, rock her, take care of her. I did not have that chance with Amanda.  
Ma: I understand it, but ... Claudia in all this?  
M: What do you mean by that?  
Ma: Because when you do all that, you do not take care of her. You do not even eat together anymore. She told me that. In the morning you are already gone when she gets up, and in the evening you have only for your daughters, without knowing if she is well or not.  
M: Do you think that's right?  
Ma: Yes, but just that is important for her. You know she says you only see her as a mother now, more like a woman, your wife, the one you love, to whom you love to give attention, tenderness ... because according to her, her you do not do more.

Michael realized all this time since the birth of Emmalin. All this time spent with his daughters, but this gap between him and Claudia. What was happening ?

M: I ... I never thought about that. I think once Emmalin has grown to be 6 months old, Amanda's age, when I come back from mission, I will become less possessive with girls.  
Ma: Michael, Claudia will not hold another week. A baby is a new being in a family, but do not forget that at the base of each family, there is first of all a couple, who loved each other, to found a family. And your couple are losing it because it no longer passes in priority, and no longer exists at this time. It's invisible to you ...

Michael did not answer, he relived his moments when he left Claudia alone to take care of Amanda and Emmalin. How could he get there? He loved Claudia too much to lose her. It had to react. But he wanted to hear Claudia speak, and know what she was feeling. Maureen left. About an hour later, Claudia returned, exhausted by the tears she had shed. When Michael heard the door close, he ran down the stairs of their new house, which now had a floor, and immediately took him in his arms.

M: Claudia, honey! I was so worried.

The fact of being in the arms of Michael raised a certain emotion in Claudia. She clung to him and started to cry. This well-being she felt against him, it was an eternity that she had felt it. She feels revived.

M: You scared me so much!  
C: I'm sorry Michael.  
M: You're here it's the main thing. Come and sit down. Tell me, explain me ... What's going on?

Claudia felt that she could finally confide in and explain the real problem to Michael. She hesitated a few minutes and gave him his feelings.

C: I feel so alone.  
M: You're not alone Claudia ...  
C: Michael, that's the impression I have ...  
M: Explain me ...  
C: Since the birth of Emmalin, you care a lot of girls. In the morning you're already gone when I wake up, and when you come back in the evening, you take your time for Emmalin and Amanda. And I stay in my corner, I'm not part of those moments, and I feel that I do not care about you anymore.

Michael got up from the chair and blew a big neck. These words made him a chopper. How could Claudia think that?

M: Claudia, how can you think that? he asked, his eyes wet.  
C: At this moment, for you I am only a mother. You refer me this image, but not that of being your wife in a couple who is ours. We have more moments to us, to us 2 or to us 4. I'm no longer part of any of your moments to you ...

Michael made the connection with his discussion with Maureen. It was not intentional but he had put Claudia a little aside to enjoy his daughters. He had not been paying attention that these habits were settling and that he was moving away from him more and more. He sat down next to Claudia and took her in his arms.

M: Honey, I'm so sorry. I did not pay attention to that. I blame myself so much if you knew. But I suffered so much from not having lived Amanda's first months that I did not want to replicate her for Emmalin and focused my attention on her and Amanda.  
C: I can understand but do not forget that on my side I suffered from your absence during the first months of Amanda's life and not having you with me to take care of her, to that we take care of two enjoying these moments together.  
M: I had everything wrong from the beginning.  
C: No, you wanted to have these moments with Emmalin and that's normal, but the girls have a mom and their dad to a woman. Finally, normally ...  
M: Claudia, I love you, you know it, and you are the most important person for me on this earth. Without you I will not be the soldier, the man I am now. You are my world, I already told you, but I repeat it to you. Okay ? You are not invisible to me, on the contrary, I need you for my balance. Feeling your presence makes me feel good. I could never live without you.  
C: Me too ...  
M: I promise you not to repeat these mistakes. I love you so much …  
C: I love you too.

The following days, Michael changed his way of doing things with his daughters and wanted Claudia to be with him every time. They then took care of their daughters to two. These privileged moments were pure happiness and the couple soon found moments for both of them, where they could meet as husband and wife and not as father and mother, even if these two roles combined them now perfectly everyday. Emmalin was growing up, and it was soon back to school for Amanda. The little girl had been waiting impatiently for the day since her parents had told her that she would be going to school soon. Amanda had asked her mom to prepare her clothes the day before and her lunch. Claudia had fun with her daughter's behavior and found her character in her. The next morning, Amanda grabbed her mother's hand and took her to class. The first day, parents could enter the classroom to visit quickly. Amanda showed Claudia every corner, explaining to her what she could do there. She was so amazed in front of her classroom that Claudia was reassured. Once the call was made to find out if all the children of the school were there for the return, the bell rang. Claudia turned her eyes to her daughter, and she saw her frightened. There was a lot of going back and forth between the kids coming in, the parents coming out. Some were already in class, waiting wisely on the bench as the teacher closed the door and started class. But some were crying and Amanda was impressed. Why did these children cry? Was school finally a good thing? Amanda clutched at her mother's leg. Claudia felt her heart tighten. Finally the separation would probably be more difficult. But Claudia leaned over and explained that it was time to enter. She gave him a big kiss and told him that his mother loved her very much, and that she would come back for her the same evening. After a hug, Claudia broke away from her daughter and left without looking back. She thought it would be easier for Amanda, but with remorse, she turned one last time. Amanda was still looking at her, then she saw her daughter say hello, and Amanda went back to class without looking back at her mother. Claudia thinks that this last one really had a sacred character. This first day went superbly well for both Amanda and Claudia. Every night the little family met again and a new routine was installed. Claudia became the number 3 supporter. His role became a little more important in the group, which was not displeasing to him, and this for the greatest pride of Michael. Their little life was going quietly. No deployment was to be deplored, and their life on the Fort Lewis base was pleasant. The baptism of Emmalin was made on this basis. The little girl was sick that day, but the day was still festive. The girls were growing visibly and the beginnings of Michael and Claudia's relationship were now far in their memories. They were a really united couple. However, at the end of the 1995 school year, when Amanda was 4 ½ years old and Emmalin had just turned 2 years old. A little appreciated news arrived. Michael returned quickly one evening to announce it to Claudia.

C: Michael, you come home early, she told him when he saw him arrive.  
M: There was a Claudia gathering.  
C: What's going on?

M: I'm transferring.  
C: Michael, we knew it could happen. It's been a long time here. I am sad to know that we will leave such a nice place.  
M: I'm sorry ...  
C: Does this mean that you will be deployed?  
M: For the moment no ...  
C: Where are we going?  
M: We are expected in 10 days in Fort Huachuca in the city of Cochise in Arizona.  
C: It's far ... it's going to be a shake-up for the girls again.  
M: Amanda is bigger, she will understand and Emmalin and well we will do as we did for Amanda, we will explain. It will be fine, do not worry.  
C: Okay.

So it was early July 1995 that the small family found themselves in Arizona. The installation went for the best and Amanda had taken her as a game, changing homes and schools. Emmalin, seeing her sister smile and laugh, was following her as a model. And everyone quickly got used to his new environment. However, two days after their arrival, the atmosphere became heavy on the base. Bad news had just fallen. The soldiers were deployed.

C: No, that's not true ... Michael ...  
M: I know, I'm sorry.

Michael took Claudia in his arms. Then they sat down.

C: Why ?

M: Following terrible actions against civilians, NATO planned an operation in Bosnia and Herzegovina to prevent new ones. So we go there as an aid with the armies of other countries.  
C: When will you deploy?  
M: For now we do not know. NATO is waiting for a strategic moment. The operation was planned in June, but for the moment nothing has moved. We will be deployed, for sure and some we have confirmation, but ... it can be tomorrow, in 1 week, in 1 month. But on, it will be for the end of the year.  
C: For how long?  
M: For a short time. It is possible that we stay there a few weeks, two months at most I think.  
C: It's not a lot, but enough for something to happen to you.  
M: Hey, it will not happen to me, okay?

Claudia nodded and snuggled against Michael. She trusted Michael but she knew that the Army was dangerous, and everything was possible. The family was preparing for the deployment that could happen overnight. They explained the situation to Amanda, who understood it well enough at the age of 4 ½, but for Emmalin, they were waiting the day before the departure. She was smaller, and you just had to tell her that her dad was going to work and that he would come back. A month later, mid-August, the news fell, the soldiers were leaving on the 28th of August, their operation was planned as early as the 30th. For how long? Nobody knew it at the moment. The start was sad, but knowing that Michael would be back in a short time, it allayed goodbye. For Claudia, it was always difficult to know Michael far, but if, as Michael had told him, he only left two months, he would be back soon. When he arrived at his destination, he telephoned Claudia directly.

C: Michael! Did you arrive well ?  
M: Yes very well. I call you quickly, I hope everything is fine on the base.  
C: Listen yes, the girls are fine, and me too. You did not leave for a long time, so we manage.  
M: Exactly, we had a point. We will probably stay shorter than expected. There will be another operation after, but I do not use it. Our operation will last about a month. I do not know our date of return but good by logic, end of September, I returned.  
C: Michael, I'm so happy.  
M: I'll call you back as soon as I know more, otherwise you'll get the info by the basics. Okay ?  
C: Okay. Pay attention to you Michael, I love you.  
M: I love you too. Kiss the girls for me.

When Claudia hung up, she was reassured. The month of September arrived very quickly and it was the return of the classes for Amanda, but also for Emmalin who from the top of her 2 ½ years already spoke as well as her sister. For Claudia, this day was quite difficult, her two daughters were already at school, she found herself alone. Indeed, even before Amanda was there, Emmalin was still with her. Not anymore. But the habits settled quickly and Claudia was therefore even more devoted to the support group of his new base. On the field, Michael had once again demonstrated his leadership skills. He had managed to avoid the worst during the mission by warning the troops that their enemies would be waiting for them at the end of the day when they returned from their surveillance patrol by plane,to try to shoot down as many US Army planes as possible. Michael had indeed managed to get specific information from by indicators. This will avoid a tragic end to their mission. After assisting NATO, some soldiers were requisitioned to secure peace now. The leading position for this maintenance was free, indeed, high-ranking officers hesitated between two soldiers, one of whom was Michael. He secretly hoped that it was not him but by his action he thought he would be chosen. He did not prefer to tell Claudia, and he was fine because his colleague was appointed. Michael was able to return home in due time. At the end of September, the division returned to Fort Huachuca. The reunion was happy,everyone was celebrating. Michael being Colonel, he was invited as well as Claudia to the return ball of the troops. It was the first time they attended this kind of ceremony and banquet. The Base General made a speech to congratulate the soldiers and the division of these actions that saved many civilians. He ends his speech with unexpected words.

G: Following the actions carried out during this mission in particular to the one that avoided the worst for our division, we wish to congratulate Colonel Michael Holden in particular.

Michael was touched and stood up so that the congregation would applaud him. But the General had not finished.

G: Therefore, at the recommendation of the Brigade Commander and his superiors and after studying this file, Colonel Holden is promoted to the rank of Major. The United States Army thanks Private Holden for his stubbornness, intelligence and sense of duty to the United States of America.

Michael could not believe it. Claudia not anymore. The latter leaned down to kiss him and he joined the General on theplatform to make a small thank you speech.

M: I am very touched to receive this promotion tonight. My actions have saved the soldiers I work with and I am very happy. But I wish to thank those soldiers who fought alongside me and who assured their mission in all situations and at every moment. My thoughts are tonight but those who stayed there in order to now peace that has succeeded to be instituted thanks also to the armies of different countries of the world. I will end by thanking my wife, Claudia, for the strength and courage she gives me every day, and to believe as strongly in me as I believe in her and the army. My thoughts are also with my two daughters, Amanda and Emmalin, the ones who give me this desire to protect our country and to fight to ensure its longevity.

Michael was applauded, even more by Claudia. She was so proud to have married this man. Nothing could have told him what the future was for them both, but she loved the surprises he had for them. She was living intensely with Michael, they had founded their family, had their children. Claudia had evolved throughout those years and had become a respected military woman of all. Some saw it as another model like what they will probably never be. But no jealousy was in order because everyone appreciated it enormously. Their couple, their family, was admired by everyone and everyone would like to look like them. This is what they saw on seeing the congratulations they were addressed to Michael came back to his table, Claudia was waiting for him. They took each other in their arms, and squeezed each other.

C: I am so proud of you.  
M: And me from us.

They kissed and resumed their place for the rest of the evening. That evening passed, the craze fell. Indeed, they both knew that if there was promotion, a mutation would happen quickly. But they spent another year and a half longer in Huachuca. The news arrived, however, shortly after Emmalin's 4th birthday. Indeed, Michael told them the news at the table. It had to be explained to girls.

M: I have news to announce you.  
A: Daddy told us, Amanda, who was six and a half years old, quickly understood things.  
M: Dad just got a transfer, we will move.  
E: Are we going to change mom's house?  
C: Yes sweetie, we'll have to change house. But that's normal, it's the army.  
A: It's been a long time here ...  
M: And was fine. But we will have such a beautiful house okay?  
E: Why are we going to leave?  
C: It's for Dad's job. As he works well, he is given even more important things to do. But he can not do them here, so the army sends him where he can and where he is needed. You understand ?  
E: Yes.  
A: Are we going to change schools then?  
M: Yes sweetie. But during the big holidays.

The girls were reassured, and they continued to eat. However, Claudia asked some important questions.

C:Do you know where we are going?  
M: Yes to Fort Still.  
C: It's in Oklahoma no?  
M: That's right. In the middle of the country.  
C: We are getting closer to our parents for once. We will discover a new state and new things, new people. I like when we stay several years on a base that allows us to ask somehow. But it's good to change a little. I hope we will stay there for a while.  
M: I think so because the next grades to climb are difficult. I may stay Major all my life. So for now I think we will be assigned for at least 2 years.  
C: It would be great Michael. For the girls in addition, they would do their schooling for several years, for their so much better.  
M: I know. We will see when the time is right?  
C: Okay. And a deployment will be planned?  
M: Not this year, I do not think ...  
C: At the same time with the army, we're never sure. Look we were expecting to leave several months ago and finally we could enjoy our life together here longer.  
M: And yes, needs of the army.

They smiled at each other and finished their meal. The move was made at the end of July 1997. The girls would have time to adjust to their new home, new base before going to school. It was only better. Everything was going well and moving to Fort Still was fast. Everyone was happy and Michael even got two weeks off time to settle down and see his new job. He then accompanied his daughters to their return with Claudia. These privileged moments, they loved to enjoy. Indeed, he did not know if he would be there at each of their return and preferred to enjoy a maximum without asking too much question. And he was right. Indeed at the beginning of 1998,information came in explaining that the situation had become unstable in Iraq.

C: What does that mean? Claudia asked as she heard the news from Michael.  
M: That moves on the side of the armies and something is getting ready. But for the moment nothing to report.  
C: You are not leaving?  
M: No no, do not worry, I'm staying here for now.

Michael took Claudia in his arms. She had learned to accept Michael's departures but she still dreaded such an announcement. But for now, she could be quiet according to Michael. They spent a pretty Valentine's Day both and welcome the month of March happy. It was short-lived. Mid-March a new deployment was prepared.


	13. (Chap 12 - Part 2) - Army Wives

M: We are leaving for Iraq on April 2nd.  
C: For how long?  
M: At least 1 year ...  
C: 1 year? Michael ...  
M: I know ...

Michael came to take her in his arms. They both knew it would be a new difficult time to manage. Emmalin and Amanda had grown up but they reacted quite violently to the announcement.

A: Dad, you're not allowed to leave.  
M: It's for my work Amanda. I have to go help the people who work with me.  
A: No! You're mean, you leave us alone!

Amanda left in her room crying. Claudia was very worried about her eldest daughter. Emmalin had reacted with tears. It had been difficult to calm her down. In the evening everyone was sleeping. But since that day, Amanda had nightmares, but she did not want to talk to her parents, much less to her father. Emmalin had accepted the situation, but she was not really aware because for her, her dad was still there, so why was he told he had to leave? The dreaded day arrived. It was a beautiful sun that day. Amanda made her head and Emmalin wondered what was going on. The usual speech was made and it was time to say goodbye. Michael started with Emmalin.

M: Goodbye my little heart. Either well behave okay?  
E: Yes dad. You come back when ?  
M: For now I do not know, but I promise you that mom will tell you and you can look on the calendar.  
E: I do not want you to leave.

The little girl covered her father's neck. She will be strong with her little hands. Michael felt the emotion rise in him. It was hard to leave her family, even more to see that her daughters understood, were sad, especially that it was a very long time. He laid his daughter down, who pressed against his mother. He wanted to say goodbye to Amanda, but she was still making her head, a whim of a little girl, not realizing that this moment is important when a soldier leaves.

C: Amanda, say goodbye to dad. You will not see him again for a long time. If you do not do it, you'll cry and it's not good to be brazen.  
A: No!  
M: Amanda, you know I have to leave. It's my job. That's the army. Sometimes we have to go to another country to help people.  
A: Yes, but we need you.  
M: I know my angel, I too need you, but it's the army that decides, not me.  
C: Amanda, there are people like me, children, like you, who live in other countries where their armies do not get along. And they are in danger and are not safe.  
A: They have to come to our house so, so, dad, you can stay.  
M: It's not so simple, there are too many people there and not enough aircraft.  
C: Dad will help them to be safe and risk nothing. So that they are happy because right now they are unhappy.  
A: Me too I am unhappy.  
C: No, you're sad because dad's leaving ... but you're happy with us and your little sister.  
A: Yes but dad will miss me.  
M: You will miss me too. Go come and kiss me.

Amanda gave in and came to her father who took her against him.

M: I love you very much Amanda.

Michael rose to Claudia. Their eyes became fixed, fogged.

M: Sweatheart, come here.

He took her in his arms.

M: Take good care of yourself and the girls alright? I call you when I arrive, as soon as I can.  
C: Pay attention to you please. And come back quickly.  
M: I will inform you as soon as I know the date of my return.  
C: I love you.  
M: I'll miss you so much.

They broke off and kissed each other for a long time. But the departure was imminent. All the soldiers returned to the ranks and the planes took off quickly. They were soon only small black dots in the sky before disappearing. All the families returned home and life resumed on the base of Fort Still. Claudia resumed her duties at the support groups and became more active. Little by little she tamed the fact of having to live without Michael by her side. The army had forced him a strength and a character to all tests. She always looked good in front of every other military woman. According to her, she had to, if not how to support a woman who is in a difficult situation, if she herself depressed? The evenings were more difficult to live, once the girls slept she found herself alone and had to do violence so as not to cry. But sometimes, she let go and cried for many minutes. The lack was soon a daily feeling and she was getting used to organizing her family life with. It had been two weeks since Michael left and she still had no news. Life at home was complicated. Indeed, the girls often quarreled, beat each other, and there was often crying. Amanda wanted less and less work at school and homework was a very complicated step. She had inherited the character of her mother who had been forged also by military life. Which was not easy for Claudia. Almost a month after his departure, the long-awaited call arrived.

M: Claudia?  
C: Michael! Finally ! I was so worried!  
M: I'm so sorry. The situation is very critical here and I have no minute to myself. Fortunately we do patrol tours and I have a few hours in front of me. How are you ?  
C: I'm exhausted right now. The support group has a lot to do. Young women in the military struggle to cope with the absence of their husbands.  
M: It reminds me of someone ...  
C: So I have to help them better, I do not want them to stay in this state as long as I do. They must be able to tame the military life now.  
M: I am very proud of you.  
C: Thank you ... And you okay?  
M: Yes, when I arrived, I thought that eventually I would not stay that long, we just had to act at a very strategic level in order to limit the attacks on civilians, but the situation got worse and a surveillance of every moment is obligatory. We may have to act every second. It's necessary to be vigilant. And girls, how are they?  
C: I think your absence has repercussions. They are pretty ugly right now. At school, it's fine for Emmalin but Amanda does not want to do anything anymore. The mistress tells me that she is doing the head and do not want to do anything. So we have to catch up at home in the evening. It is exhausting especially that it makes no more effort. She worked so well.  
M: Oh good? And at home ?  
C: They often squabble, they beat each other, they scream at each other. It's very difficult. I manage to manage but for them, it's tiring to have this kind of behavior and they are exhausted and impatient all day long.  
M: They are not lying there?  
C: No, we'll be sitting down soon.  
M: Turn on the speaker I'll talk to them.  
C: Okay, two minutes.

Claudia had her daughters sit on the couch. She picked up the phone, sat down in the middle and put the speaker on.

C: It's good Michael.  
M: Hello girls.  
To Dad !  
E: Hello dad.  
M: Mom told me you were not very good right now. Amanda, what's going on at school, why do not you want to work?  
A: I want to do my homework with you.  
M: I understand my flea but you know it's impossible. Okay ?  
Yes indeed …  
M: So now, I want you to work well, I do not want the mistress to tell mom that you're naughty in class. And in the evening, I want you to do your homework with mom properly, without shouting, crying and anger. We totally agree ?  
A: Yes dad.  
M: If mom tells me the next time it's not better, there will be punishments Amanda, you know it. So now I want you to be wise.  
A: Okay dad.  
M: Other things, Mom told me that you were beating yourself. Why girls?  
E: Amanda is not nice to me.  
M: Why Amanda?  
A: It's daddy reading the stories.  
M: That's right when I'm with you, it's me who reads the stories.  
A: But here Emmalin wants to read alone.  
C: It's often that Amanda wants to read the story to her sister. She can read now correctly. But Emmalin likes to read his book alone, at least look at the pictures, to make his own story. And Amanda does not like it because she is very directive with her sister.  
M: Amanda, it's not you the adult you know that. It's mom who orders. If Emmalin wants to read a book, all alone, she has the right. You do not have to make decisions in her place, it's mom who decides. Emmalin, if your sister wants to read you a story, let her do it from time to time. You know it's to be nice to you.  
E: Yes dad.  
M: I do not want you to fight anymore. We totally agree ? More shots.  
E: Yes.  
A: It's promised daddy.  
M: Very good. Daddy makes you big kisses littles angels. I love you so much.

Claudia moved away for a few moments.

M: I hope it will work out.  
C: I think so.  
M: I have to leave you. I do not know when I'll be able to call you back.  
C: I know, it does not matter. I think about you a lot !  
M: Yes me too. I love you, take good care of you.

The situation improved following this call. The girls became wiser again. Michael sent some letters to give news and stay in touch. Michael thought of those moments he missed that year. Claudia's birthday, Emmalin's birthday, girls' back to school, Amanda's birthday, Christmas, New Year's Eve. The days passed quickly and everyone was used to this life without a soldier on the base. Michael's division had a new mission which was added each time one was completed. The year 1999 pointed the tip of his nose. This time, Michael had been included in the now peacekeeping mission to Yugoslavia, where the Kosovo war was taking place. He had been able to call Claudia only once in December. But it was no longer possible to do it during this mission. Based on Fort Still, the support group was more than ever on the alert. In fact, with the losses the US military had suffered, many military women needed support and help more than ever. Claudia was more and more worried. In early March, Michael was injured by mortar bursts in his left forearm. Nothing serious, he was immobilized for three weeks while he was recovering. He could not return to the countries. Claudia was informed, however, quickly. This fear of losing Michael became even greater. She could not protect him, watch over him. This situation was unbearable. At the end of April, Michael could finally join her. He had been able to join his unit on the ground.

C: Michael! How are you ? It's better ?  
M: Honey ... that's fine. It was not a big deal. My colleague was less fortunate than me unfortunately.  
C: I was worried. For the first time since we got together, I had the panic fear of losing you. Michael, I was so scared.  
M: Claudia, you do not have to worry anymore, everything is solved, everything is fine.  
C: Are you sure?  
M: Some. How are the girls?  
It's very good. They grow up has seen eye. Only worries, Amanda has nightmares. I had trouble managing her when you left, it's gone, she did it from time to time but there for a few weeks we returned to the same stage. And she does not want to talk to me, like last time.  
M: Maybe go see someone who could help him ...  
C: I'll see how it evolves.  
M: And Emmalin?  
C: She's doing very well. She has evolved a lot and matured. With her sister she has a good model but she has become an adorable little girl.  
M: I miss them so much ... just like you.  
C: We miss you a lot here too. Do you have news about a possible return?  
M: We're extended here, in the field. When we were made aware that we would be deployed at least a year, I had suspected that it would last longer.  
C: How much is the maximum?  
M: The maximum is 2 years. But on the other hand I think it will not last as long. We will undoubtedly be assisted by another division. Because we can not do everything here and there will come a time when we have reached our maximum.  
C: I hope you'll come back soon.  
M: Me too. I have to let you my call time is up. I love you Claudia.  
C: See you soon.

2 years. What if Michael would come back next year? This idea was unbearable for Claudia but she told herself very quickly that anyway she would have no choice and should once again deal with it. This is the life of a soldier. Claudia continued to hope for Michael's return, until one day in June 1999. News spread quickly on the basis of Fort Still. The troops were coming home. None had been able to warn their wives, the communications having been cut off. The base quickly became an anthill to better prepare the return of the soldiers that was scheduled for June 10. Claudia was on a cloud. But we had to wait another week. She preferred not to say anything to her daughters, for fear of disappointing them. She waited the day before to tell them the good news. On Wednesday, June 9, before going to bed, she took the time to tell them.

C: Girls, come see mom before going to bed.  
A: What mom?  
C: I have something important to tell you.  
A: What is it?  
E: Yes, what is it?  
C: Well, dad's coming home tomorrow!  
A: Is it real mom?  
C: Yes sweetie, that's right!  
E: Dad's coming home?  
A: Yeah dad comes home !  
E: Papaaa !  
A: Is he coming back in the morning or in the evening?  
C: So tomorrow, I'll go prepare the place where all the soldiers will come back so you'll go to school. Okay ? I come to pick you up at school, we take the snack in the car because we go directly where dad will arrive. And we wait quietly for the planes to arrive.  
A: Okay. I hope we will not wait too long.  
C: I hope so too. But before, you have to have a big sleep.

The girls went to bed fast and laughed. But the excitement had won and it was difficult for Claudia to make them fall asleep. Emmalin, being younger and tired of her day at the children's center, fell asleep quickly. But Amanda had a thousand questions to ask her mother and slowed down to finally sleep. Claudia huffed as she closed the door to her room. She could now prepare the house for Michael's return the next day. She made storage, and cleaning so that the house is clean. She planned her day the next day until dinner, even choosing the meal she should prepare. The next morning, a beautiful sun rose in the sky. The girls went to school and many children had learned that their fathers or mothers were coming back today but some did not know it yet, their parent wanting to surprise him. But small groups were forming because everyone wanted to talk about this good news. Claudia returned in the afternoon to take the afternoon tea and took them to school before going to the airport. The place is gradually filled with all the families who came to welcome their soldiers. A buffet was prepared to arrive and the children began to run around and play, impatience winning. But suddenly, a sound of engine was heard in the distance. We soon saw planes land and smiles on the faces. The groups of soldiers gathered and arrived quickly in front of the platform for the speech of the General of the base. All had tired faces. Their looks did not only express the joy of returning, but also fatigue and for some an empty look. No doubt they had experienced horrors there. The speech was over and the soldiers were allowed to break ranks. Each family gathered in happiness and tears. Amanda was the first to see her father, and ran to meet him.

To Dad !  
M: Amanda, oh sweatheart!

Michael took his daughter in his arms flying. He pressed her tightly against him. Tears came to his eyes.

M: You've grown so smart, he said resting.  
E: Dad, said Emmalin, clinging to his father's leg.  
M: Hey my little heart!

Michael stooped and Emmalin snuggled against him.

M: You also grew up! I missed you girls!  
A: You too daddy!  
E: A lot, added Emmalin.  
C: You missed us too.

Michael got up and his eyes dipped into Claudia's. The emotion won them and tears rolled down their cheeks. Michael caught Claudia against him and squeezed her.

M: I'm so glad I finally got home.  
C: Me too if you knew. It is a relief.  
M: I love you so much.

They broke off and kissed tenderly. Many families stayed afterwards to enjoy the banquet. But everyone stayed with their family to enjoy the long-awaited return. Michael motioned for Claudia to come back quickly, fatigue reading on her face. Upon returning, Michael took a shower directly. He was silent. Claudia thought that he needed peace. Dinner was quickly served and the girls went to bed with a story read by their father. Michael then moved to the couch to watch TV. Claudia, who was tidying up in the kitchen, watched him. He had a serious, sad face. He probably had to recover too from the time difference but Claudia knew there was something else. But she wanted to take advantage of Michael's return. He had missed her so much. She joins him on the couch and snuggles against him.

C: I missed you so much, if you knew.  
M: You too, honey. I thought a lot about you there. That's what kept me going.

Michael kissed Claudia on the hair. They spent a quiet moment watching a movie and Claudia went to take a shower. Michael was already in the room. Claudia arrived wrapped in a towel to put her pajamas in the room. But she felt Michael put her arms in front of her. She felt that he was breathing his skin. Michael dropped the towel on the floor and hugged it. Everyone needed to find the other, to feel loved, important. Michael turned Claudia over to him and kissed him. He then stared into her eyes, to find the love she had for him. They found themselves on the bed, lying down, while kissing each other. Michael liked to rediscover the scent of Claudia's skin, a perfume he had dreamed of finding someday. He made love to her with infinite tenderness, with the happiness of being able to find the other. They fell asleep satisfied. The next morning, Michael was already running when everyone woke up. The girls left for school and Claudia for the support group, which was scheduled today to schedule courtesy visits, especially among young military couples, to see if everything was going well for the return of the soldiers. Around noon, Claudia left the building to return to lunch at her home. Michael was waiting for him with a big smile. She ran to him.

C: What are you doing here?  
M: I came to wait for you to go eat together.

Michael was full of little touches but Claudia saw that it was not the same Michael before he went on a mission. Michael got back to work quickly and the routine settled again. But the latter became more and more distant. Summer arrived and the girls were on vacation. Michael was trying to spend time with her, but was not as playful as before. Michael had not even spoken to Claudia about his injury, the circumstances. She would have liked to know more, to know what had happened. But he preferred to run or go to work in his office. Claudia suspected that he must have seen difficult things and needed time to get back to the core of his life. The return came quickly and fall with. But a new, bad, according to Michael was announced. They had to move again.

C: It's been two years that we have here, I expected, I tell you sincerely.  
M: Two years is nothing! They could give us a little respite in return for a mission like this!  
C: Michael, it's been 4 months since you came back ...  
M: So what ?!

Michael slammed the door and went outside to sit on the steps. Claudia was skeptical. She opened the door and sat down beside him.

C: Michael, what's going on? You are here with us, you take care of the girls, of me. You always have attentions for everyone, but I see that you are elsewhere. You are locked up, not very good mood, and absent, while being at home.  
M: I have my reasons!  
C: Listen, I'd like to know them okay! You wondered what I felt when I knew that you had been hurt and that much later? How did I feel?  
M: You do not even have an idea already how I felt! So do not mix everything up!

Michael got up and went in. Claudia followed him closely but wanted to finish the conversation.

C: So tell me! Talk to me ! Get rid of that weight you have deep down inside you!  
M: It would be useless, maybe apart ... that you come to hate me ...  
What is it ? No way !  
M: Claudia, if you knew what I did there, you would not love me anymore ...

He looked at her with a sorry look. Claudia felt her heart break.

C: Michael, I know that what you went through there is difficult. You know, we see the images on television, what happens there. Maybe you killed someone or killed someone, but ... you trained for that, it's your job, so that we can protect our country, our family, our daughters. So Lord does not say that, I love you and will love you again and again.  
M: It's your love that helped me to keep ...  
C: Then explain to me ...

Michael was seeing everything in flash.

M: In order to protect ... the other soldiers who were with me ...  
C: Continuous ...  
M: I had to shoot the enemy army ... and ... I killed a soldier.  
C: Michael, you did it to protect those who work with you. You would not have done these soldiers could have been killed ... one of them could even be you.

Michael did not think about that. A fear invades him. What if he left Claudia and her daughters? He quickly released this horror of his mind. He sat down, followed by Claudia.

M: That's right ...  
C: But you're here now, at home, safe, with me and Amanda and Emmalin.  
M: I know, but it's hard not to see those pictures in my head again. Later, during a patrol an improvised explosive device made of mortar to explode under the soldier who was next to me. He died on the neck ... I just received pieces in his arm, it ejected me on the side.  
C: The day I learned it was the most terrible day of my life. I was worried.  
M: I'm so sorry to make you live her. But why him and not me?  
C: Because it was like that day that day ... do not ask yourself all these questions.  
M: This life is difficult for everyone. I realize it's a torture for you when I'm far away, I'm so mad at you for making her live.

Michael took his head in his hands and started to cry. Claudia took him against her.

C: Honey, we both chose this life. You by vocation, me by deciding to marry you. We know its risks, what this life means, with missions, mutations, removals. But eventually we love this life. I do not see myself living differently now. We love each other, we have two children, we have our family, united. You act for your country, for us, for your daughters. I will always remember your speech during your last promotion where you said that you wanted to protect your country for your daughters, so that they are happy, safe. And that's what you did.

Michael sighed and pressed against Claudia.

M: I do not know what I'll do without you. I love you so much.  
C: I love you more than anything Michael and it will never change.

They remained entwined for a few minutes.

C: Michael, I think you should go see someone who will help you get rid of that. You must be able to find a happier life.  
M: I know you're right.  
C: Moving will surely help you. Besides, where are we going?  
M: At Fort Carson, Texas.  
C: It's not very far. Do not worry. Everything will be alright.

A few days later, Michael went to his first appointment with the psychologist at the base. At the beginning of November, the move took place. Michael's file was transferred to Fort Carson where he could continue to see the specialist. It helped him a lot not to think about what had happened, but to go ahead and say that his actions helped to maintain peace and enhance the security of civilians. Amanda who was 9 years old and Emmalin who had 6 changed schools in November and had to readjust. But everything was quiet and everyone was quickly adapting to the new base. The first day of school for the girls was tiring but they quickly made new friends. For Amanda, however, was difficult, because it remained behind. But a boy came to see her so that she would not be alone:

J: Hello. So, are you new here?  
A: Yes, my dad was transferred here yesterday. That's why I'm coming today.  
J: What's your name?  
A: Amanda ... Amanda Holden. I am 9 years old.  
J: Me too, I'm 9 years old.  
A: What's your name?  
J: Jeremy.  
A: Jeremy how?  
J: Jeremy Sherwood.  
A: I'm glad to know you Jeremy.

While Amanda had just met the son, Claudia met without knowing a few days late, the mother of this little boy. Indeed she was new to the group of supports but became quickly integrated. A young woman came to talk to him at the end of his first meeting.

D: Are you Claudia Joy Holden?  
C: That's right. Major Holden's wife.  
D: Hi, Denise Sherwood, I'm Captain Sherwood's wife.  
C: You do not have a son at school?  
D: If Jeremy why?  
C: Because my daughter, Amanda often talks to me about a Jeremy Sherwood.  
D: Ah, you are Amanda's mom! Do you have other children?  
C: Yes a girl, Emmalin. She is younger than her sister, she is only 6 years old.  
D: Jeremy is an only child. For the time being.  
C: I'm sorry I have to go, I have an appointment at the housing department, because we arrived recently and I still have a few things to settle.  
D: All right, I hope we can see each other again.  
C: It would be with pleasure. See you soon then.

Each one goes back to his side. Without knowing it, Claudia had just met the military woman who would become for many years his best friend. For his part, Michael met Captain Franck Sherwood and sympathized with him as well. After several weeks, the two families had become friends and got along very well. The year 2000 opened and a promising new year arrived. A year without a hitch since no move or no deployment was planned. The year 2001 was less so since after the attack of September 11, the division was deployed in Afghanistan as part of a mission against terrorism. Michael and Franck were deployed at the same time for one year. But this year seems less difficult to overcome. It was during this year that Claudia and Denise really got closer and became better friends. They helped each other and did not hesitate to comfort each other. That year, Claudia became the vice president of the support group. She had a very important role and, with the president, had to deal with everything that concerned the families at the base. Claudia soon became an important woman at the base. She was highly respected and each saw in her the perfect role of a military woman who managed her life as well as her family life. Little by little she had managed to acquire this charisma that gave her a strong, loving image towards her family, an accomplished mother and a devoted soldier's wife who believed in her husband. The soldiers returned in September 2002. A mission that had marked them. But Michael managed to manage his return much better and everything went well this time. Girls growing up looked at each other. Amanda had just turned 12 and Emmalin was 8. Michael and Claudia had not seen the time, but their daughter's age reminded them every day. Amanda had become a wise girl, with the same character as her mother, asked, respected by her classmates, very good student, who forced the admiration of other parents and who always helped others. Emmalin had grown up and his character was affirmed. She was stubborn, and was still looking for confrontation with her father. His father was his model, the one who protected her, but she had precisely the same character as him. Which was a few sparks. But Claudia was always there to handle the situation. For his actions in Afghanistan, Michael was promoted to Lieutenant-Colonel. A promotion that was the pride of everyone. However, their families were now much more watched, watched, judged sometimes. It was therefore necessary to have an irreproachable behavior according to Michael. He tried, however, to give his daughters a little freedom. But it was difficult for him. In the summer of 2003, Michael was transferred again. Claudia learned that Franck, Denise's husband was too. They were sad enough to know that they were going to leave each other, but it was short-lived. They learned that Michael and Franck were both transferred to Fort Bliss in Colorado. So they both found themselves again, to the delight of Amanda and Jeremy. There, they met the White family. Claudia sympathized with Hanna White, Colonel White's wife. And Michael with Derreck, her husband and soldier too. They often spent their evenings together. And became very friends. But Claudia did not forget so Denise. What a joy to be able to have a friend who had come with her on another basis. A known head that made her feel good enough fast Fort Bliss. Amanda and Emmalin had adapted well to the school. The little family lived happily. The year 2004 came with bad news for everyone. Indeed,in May 2004, the division of Michael, Franck and Derreck was deployed. And this for 2 years. Claudia blamed it. It was the first time Michael had gone so long.

C: 2 years? Michael, you're leaving for 2 years ...  
M: I know honey, I know.

He took Claudia in his arms.

C: We know at least when you come back?  
M: You can not be deployed more than two years. It's the maximum.  
So , you're sure that we come back in May 2006. C: 2006 ... it seems so far ... if you come back ...  
M: Do not put your head in his head. I'll come back, I promise you.  
C: You're going to miss so many things. Birthdays, end-of-year parties ...  
M: I know, but now there are computers and it's easier to talk to each other. We will often be called, we will write.

The girls reacted rather well. They knew it would be difficult without their father because they loved him very much. But they also knew that it was to do good in the world, to bring the peace that had been lost elsewhere. Goodbye was mixed with tenderness, sadness, love. The soldiers left for two years on a mission. Two years when military women felt even more united. The support group was therefore very important and everyone had to support each other. But what she had to say about Hannah was her friend, when she had the terrible news that her husband had been killed in action. It was necessary to help Hannah organize everything and manage her life almost in her place as she was horribly became more and more worried about Michael, while still being hidden from other military women. Following this incident, some soldiers returned to countries including some from Fort Bliss. One of the women of these soldiers was the chair of the support group. The post was therefore not occupied. After the other women in the group asked, Claudia became the president. She now had a very important place in the base and in the eyes of all. Michael was very proud of her on hearing the news. Hannah White left the base to live her life without her husband. It was very difficult for her, and for Claudia to see a friend leave. But life continued for everyone. In May 2006, the soldiers returned from mission. An immense joy lives on the base. During two years,all had been deprived of a reunited family, a husband, a wife, their children. For two years, the families had lived without soldiers. It was difficult for everyone to readjust to a family life, a life of a couple. When he returned from his mission, Michael could not believe how his daughters had changed. Amanda was already almost 16 years old and Emmalin was 13. They were both teenagers now. Following this long mission, Michael was promoted Colonel. This promotion was celebrated at the end of June. What happiness for the Holden family. Their life in the army took another turn. Not only did Michael become number 3 at the Fort Bliss base, but Claudia as the chair of the support group also had a place with many girls had to be irreproachable, have irreproachable friends and performed perfect activities for Colonel's daughters. But Amanda and Emmalin understood perfectly why and adapted quite easily. The Holden family quickly became the model family of the base. In August 2006, a new event occurred. Indeed, Michael, by his new rank, was transferred again. Just like Denise and Franck to the delight of both families. Indeed they were going to be able to be a third time together on the same basis. And when we're friends, it's always good news to find quite easily. The Holden family quickly became the model family of the base. In August 2006, a new event occurred. Indeed, Michael, by his new rank, was transferred again. Just like Denise and Franck to the delight of both families. Indeed they were going to be able to be a third time together on the same basis. And when we're friends, it's always good news to find quite easily. The Holden family quickly became the model family of the base. In August 2006, a new event occurred. Indeed, Michael, by his new rank, was transferred again. Just like Denise and Franck to the delight of both families. Indeed they were going to be able to be a third time together on the same basis. And when we're friends, it's always good news to find always good news to be able to find always good news to be able to find them.

A: It's back to a new life, a new school, and new friends.  
E: No, we'll have at least Jeremy.  
A: It's true you're right at least one face of known.  
M: Do not worry girls, you'll adapt like every time.  
A: And yes as always.  
C: It's not so easy that it sounds like Michael.  
M: I know, I have to adapt to a new team, a new general, a new base. You have your schools, other people, a new home, a new environment and without forgetting for you sweatheart, a new FRG.  
C: Exactly. But we'll get there.  
M: Of course, among the Holden, we do not loose anything.

There was a general laugh while everyone was doing the cards.

A: By the way, dad, where are we going now?  
M: In Fort Marshall, South Carolina.  
C: Specifically in Charleston. It is a beautiful city, next to the ocean. It's beautiful, I went to see on the internet.  
E: Mom is right, I went to see too, I think we will enjoy it.  
A: We already know what house we will have?  
M: No, we always have the surprise when we arrive, but since I changed big before being transferred, we can hope to have a nice house and big enough to hold all your clothes and pairs of shoes ... do not girls?

Amanda and Emmalin laughed. Claudia liked to watch this family life that she and Michael had managed to build. A nice happy family. The cartons were made. Claudia and Denise met at Fort Marshall the following week. When they arrived at Fort Marshall, they immediately fell in adoration in front of the city of Charleston which was, according to them, truly magnificent, splendid. The base of Fort Marshall was large, full of greenery, children's park, space. When given the address of their house, Michael and Claudia did not return once before. Amanda and Emmalin went directly to visit and choose their rooms. It was a big house, with a big garden, two floors, a multitude of rooms. They said to each other thatthey would be fine here. Michael and Claudia kissed and then entered the house. Fort Marshall seemed welcoming, but life reserved other surprises for them, but not only. Dramas, tears, anxiety will also give their lives a new meaning. But a group of friends will be born in Fort Marshall, thanks to Claudia, who will once again be the President of the grassroots support group. A small tribe that unintentionally will be important within the base. But Michael and Claudia will be closer together and closer than ever, united by the same love as in the first will also give their lives a new meaning. But a group of friends will be born in Fort Marshall, thanks to Claudia, who will once again be the President of the grassroots support group. A small tribe that unintentionally will be important within the base. But Michael and Claudia will be closer together and closer than ever, united by the same love as in the first will also give their lives a new meaning. But a group of friends will be born in Fort Marshall, thanks to Claudia, who will once again be the President of the grassroots support group. A small tribe that unintentionally will be important within the base. But Michael and Claudia will be closer together and closer than ever, united by the same love as in the first day.

But to learn about their life in Fort Marshall and what the life of the army will hold for them, go to episode 1 of American Wives Season 1. You will be able to follow the adventures of the Holden family throughout the 7 seasons of this fabulous series.


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